Boyfriend went to an all night party and now can't make it to lunch with my parents. How do I deal with this?

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  • maffeboner

    Anonymous Poster

    5 years ago 01/22/2019 4:45am EST
    re: I don't really get what the big deal is

    I don't really get what the big deal is wrote:

    I get why you are annoyed, but treating this like some kind of "offense" seems a little over the top to me. He stayed out with his friends all night. Big deal. He missed a lunch with your parents. Big deal. I would have told my parents that he stayed out too late with his friends for a special occasion and couldn't make it. If you don't make a big deal out of it, they won't (and if they do, that does not bode well for them staying out of your business in the future). Go hiking. Tell him you wished he hadn't missed lunch and then move on.

    this is a solid answer and OP, why are you lying to your parents? The worst person in this story is you (for lying).

  • acadia

    Anonymous Poster

    5 years ago 01/22/2019 4:55am EST
    re: maffeboner

    What OP should have done is express her disappointment when he said he was unable to make lunch. Say your peace, move on and hope for the best. Forgive but don't forget. Give him 2 more strikes then he's out. RE. her parents, she should have been honest and told them. If you can't tell them the truth, there's something wrong with you and them. If you're afraid they'll judge him, pay attention to that. You may have a history of tolerating bad behavior and/or keeping bad company.

  • registered

    Shoebacca

    Member since 06/20/2011.

    2,657 posts. Last post 4 years ago.
    5 years ago 01/22/2019 8:45am EST
    re: Not A Therapist...

    Not A Therapist... wrote:

    Seriously, the dude got back from a party at like 6 am and can't make it to lunch with your parents? LUNCH? That's probably scheduled for what..12 or 1?

    Your boyfriend sucks. Get some sleep for 3 or 4 hours, wake up, get ready and show up for lunch? You can always go back to bed after lunch.

    This. I'm old enough to have gone to college twice, but I'd still get up after 3 hours of sleep and put in an appearance. If he's getting something like 6 hours, then he has no reason not to make it. Coffee and food would do him good.

  • Old guy #2

    Anonymous Poster

    5 years ago 01/22/2019 8:57am EST
    re: annoyed girlfriend

    annoyed girlfriend wrote:

    Hi everyone, the original "annoyed girlfriend" here providing an update. To the person in this thread that something like this might end up bringing us closer if we talk about it like adults, you were absolutely spot-on.

    We met today (the day after the planned lunch) to talk. He told me how sorry he was, and how he didn't mean for this to happen. He had lost track of time and before he knew it, it was around 4 AM. He fully took responsibility that he should have paid more attention to time and left at a proper time. He felt sick but tried to rally himself together but then eventually texted me around 6-7 AM because he was still feeling bad and didn't want to be queasy or anything at the lunch because he wants to maintain his good impression in front of my parents. He also emphasized that he absolutely wasn't prioritizing something like this over me. I know he's a little stressed because he's applying for jobs right now (graduating from a top law school later this year) and this was a birthday party for someone in his class, where they talked about the pressures of school/jobs and how it was good to see others felt similar and also felt the imposter syndrome. He also wished I had come (I had felt like I would be out of place there) and told me how all his classmates want to meet me/how much he talked about me positively (I have met a few of them but only briefly).

    We talked it out (I didn't raise my voice at all, and he didn't either) and I explained my side of things which he completely understand, and he took full responsibility that he was in the wrong. All in all, we ended up making up and I think having this honest conversation did bring us closer together. He is a dependable person. I know this was not the norm for him and I can tell he was genuinely sorry about it.

    Thank you everyone for your thoughts :)

    Good outcome. One final piece of advise - if you’ve forgiven him for this then make sure you drop it entirely as in don’t bring it up the next time you hit a rough patch with him as you surely will. Noth8ng a guy hates more than for past misdemeanors to be repeatedly prosecuted

  • annoyed girlfriend

    Anonymous Poster

    5 years ago 01/22/2019 11:38am EST
    re: confirmed lie

    Umm, hiking the next day. Not the same day as lunch.

  • so very obvious

    Anonymous Poster

    5 years ago 01/24/2019 3:54pm EST
    re: spoton

    spoton wrote:

    smells untoward wrote:

    100% he cheated.

    yep, straight from the horses mouth. Amazing the insight this place can provide.

    Right?

  • he definitely cheated

    Anonymous Poster

    5 years ago 01/24/2019 3:56pm EST
    re: annoyed girlfriend

    annoyed girlfriend wrote:

    Umm, hiking the next day. Not the same day as lunch.

    Right. One is a physical endeavor that takes hours, that you hadn't planned. Not good to do hungover, not important either.

    The other is a promise he made to you. Very nice to do hungover, and very important.

    Oh, and he cheated.

  • he definitely cheated

    Anonymous Poster

    5 years ago 01/24/2019 4:00pm EST
    re: Shoebacca

    Shoebacca wrote:

    Not A Therapist... wrote:

    Seriously, the dude got back from a party at like 6 am and can't make it to lunch with your parents? LUNCH? That's probably scheduled for what..12 or 1?

    Your boyfriend sucks. Get some sleep for 3 or 4 hours, wake up, get ready and show up for lunch? You can always go back to bed after lunch.

    This. I'm old enough to have gone to college twice, but I'd still get up after 3 hours of sleep and put in an appearance. If he's getting something like 6 hours, then he has no reason not to make it. Coffee and food would do him good.

    That is what so many people are saying.

    This turd was unable to muster himself to a planned meal with her family?

    And is then proposing a hike barely after the bill would have been paid.

    He clearly cheated, and at 7am was scared sh!tless he'd be caught if he couldn't get it together to meet her and go for lunch. He rushed straight into the immature solution of just cancelling the lunch, and once he got home and caught his breath a little, and started to think straight, tried to cover his tracks. Totally overdid it proposing a hike lololol.

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