Need advice......My wife has asked for a divorce after 8 years & we have 2 Kids

Best post of 2019 wrote:

Just reading this thread from a neutral point as a guy in his mid to late 20's that comes from parents who have been married for 30 years, and have an incredible marriage.

I cannot even begin to explain how much it helps to come from a background with parents who are so committed to each other, and genuinely love each other. I have had some miserable experiences with my personal health that have placed a lot of stress on my parents and obviously myself, but coming from such a family of love and support has made what has been a dark existence at times much easier. I could not have gotten through what I went through without the type of family my parents have fostered.

This post I am responding to was very genuine and heart felt, and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for contributing such a refreshing post to this board. I hope this will be of help to the OP, and if not, to someone here.

Glad you and your husband are so happy together!

Oh brothers. wrote:

Best post of 2019 wrote:

Just reading this thread from a neutral point as a guy in his mid to late 20's that comes from parents who have been married for 30 years, and have an incredible marriage.

I cannot even begin to explain how much it helps to come from a background with parents who are so committed to each other, and genuinely love each other. I have had some miserable experiences with my personal health that have placed a lot of stress on my parents and obviously myself, but coming from such a family of love and support has made what has been a dark existence at times much easier. I could not have gotten through what I went through without the type of family my parents have fostered.

This post I am responding to was very genuine and heart felt, and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for contributing such a refreshing post to this board. I hope this will be of help to the OP, and if not, to someone here.

Glad you and your husband are so happy together!

Everyone of my friends in high school who came from loving 2 parents homes are divorced. A great majority of my friends who came from divorced parents haven’t been divorced and are in long term healthy marriages.

Shoebacca wrote:

You need to get a lawyer instantly. You need to start custody proceedings right now. Stop any nonsense about not using lawyers or working this out on your own that you may have thought. You must initiate all the custody proceedings right now while the kids are still in the state so that you have the momentum in Colorado being thought of as their native home. If she puts a foot in Nebraska with those kids you can say goodbye to any hope of having them for a majority of the time in Colorado.

Don't leave your house. Sleep in it every day. It is your home and you are not leaving it. Do not give her a car or anything out of your 401K. It's all going to be split in the divorce, accept that, and don't muck things up by pretending you can work this all out. Remember when you tried so hard to work the marriage out and she just divorced you anyway? She's going to take you for all she can. If she's being nice to you, it's only because it serves the purpose of making sure you don't get a lawyer yet or pursue custody measures that would keep the kids in Colorado. Every moment you delay in getting a lawyer and starting custody proceedings increases her opportunity to make this worse for you.

I'm not kidding that you need to meet with a lawyer today or tomorrow and explain everything to the lawyer like you just did to us. Right now you need to be on the phone scheduling it for today or tomorrow at the latest. Don't take somebody who can't see you right away.

justanotherstatistic wrote:

Hello all, before I talk with a lawyer and as I still try to process everything I've come here for advice. I'll keep it short and sweet.

After 8 years of marriage my wife has asked for a divorce. I first realized how bad things were about a year ago. We've tried working through things but she isn't happy. She asked me to change certain things about myself, which I have done and she has recognized that I have done, but says she still isn't happy and wants to move forward with her life without me. I still love her very much, but over the last 3 months I've come to realize that our marriage is over. Neither of us have ever cheated or been involved in a domestic dispute or anything wild, we've simply grown apart.

I'm more introverted than my wife probably realized when we were dating (I had stopped running then). When I picked up running last year to help deal with all this stress it just pissed her off more as she only saw it as more time away from her. My wife wants a man that's going to sit on the couch all weekend and watch musicals and love stories, and that just isn't me.

Here's my dilemma....we have lived in Colorado for the past 6 years & my wife wants to take the kids and move back "home" to be near her family in Nebraska. I have a great job here and recently got my 2nd promotion. I make enough money to live comfortably which has (since we got married) afforded my wife the opportunity to be a "stay at home mom." In the last 4 years my wife has started her own business (she's an "artist") and makes about $25k a year (zero of which she contributes to any bills or living expenses).

I'm TRYING really hard not to be a jerk, but there is ZERO chance I'm letting her take our kids out of state, not a chance. Everything we own is in my name. I told her that I would sign her vehicle over to her so that it's in her name and that I will pay for a place for her to live for 1 year while she gets on her feet on her own for the first time in life. I also agreed that I would give her 50% of my 401k as of today, which would be about $15k (am I overreaching here?).

We are trying to do this WITHOUT spending a ton fighting in court. I'm trying to do the "right" things while at the same time not screwing myself over. The only debt we have is our mortgage. I make about $85k per year and save as much as possible. Really just looking for some guidance and where to start as my whole life has been spinning out of control lately and sadly, running is the only thing keeping me grounded right now. I'm 34 years old and my wife is 29. Never thought I'd be "starting over."

PIO! wrote:

Shoebacca wrote:

You need to get a lawyer instantly. You need to start custody proceedings right now. Stop any nonsense about not using lawyers or working this out on your own that you may have thought. You must initiate all the custody proceedings right now while the kids are still in the state so that you have the momentum in Colorado being thought of as their native home. If she puts a foot in Nebraska with those kids you can say goodbye to any hope of having them for a majority of the time in Colorado.

Don't leave your house. Sleep in it every day. It is your home and you are not leaving it. Do not give her a car or anything out of your 401K. It's all going to be split in the divorce, accept that, and don't muck things up by pretending you can work this all out. Remember when you tried so hard to work the marriage out and she just divorced you anyway? She's going to take you for all she can. If she's being nice to you, it's only because it serves the purpose of making sure you don't get a lawyer yet or pursue custody measures that would keep the kids in Colorado. Every moment you delay in getting a lawyer and starting custody proceedings increases her opportunity to make this worse for you.

I'm not kidding that you need to meet with a lawyer today or tomorrow and explain everything to the lawyer like you just did to us. Right now you need to be on the phone scheduling it for today or tomorrow at the latest. Don't take somebody who can't see you right away.

This ^ is so stupid it is hard to believe that anyone with sufficient intelligence to be able to type could actually "think" in this manner.

Avoid the lawyers if at all possible. And YES, in many cases it is very possible.

IT DOES NOT MATTER WHO INITIATES COURT PROCEEDINGS. Therefore, there is ZERO need to be first to "lawyer up". Don't do it. Once one of you does go the lawyer route there is no turning back. And all four of you will be WAY worse off for it.

PIO! wrote:

Shoebacca wrote:

You need to get a lawyer instantly. You need to start custody proceedings right now. Stop any nonsense about not using lawyers or working this out on your own that you may have thought. You must initiate all the custody proceedings right now while the kids are still in the state so that you have the momentum in Colorado being thought of as their native home. If she puts a foot in Nebraska with those kids you can say goodbye to any hope of having them for a majority of the time in Colorado.

Don't leave your house. Sleep in it every day. It is your home and you are not leaving it. Do not give her a car or anything out of your 401K. It's all going to be split in the divorce, accept that, and don't muck things up by pretending you can work this all out. Remember when you tried so hard to work the marriage out and she just divorced you anyway? She's going to take you for all she can. If she's being nice to you, it's only because it serves the purpose of making sure you don't get a lawyer yet or pursue custody measures that would keep the kids in Colorado. Every moment you delay in getting a lawyer and starting custody proceedings increases her opportunity to make this worse for you.

I'm not kidding that you need to meet with a lawyer today or tomorrow and explain everything to the lawyer like you just did to us. Right now you need to be on the phone scheduling it for today or tomorrow at the latest. Don't take somebody who can't see you right away.

This ^ is so stupid it is hard to believe that anyone with sufficient intelligence to be able to type could actually "think" in this manner.

Avoid the lawyers if at all possible. And YES, in many cases it is very possible.

IT DOES NOT MATTER WHO INITIATES COURT PROCEEDINGS. Therefore, there is ZERO need to be first to "lawyer up". Don't do it. Once one of you does go the lawyer route there is no turning back. And all four of you will be WAY worse off for it.