Being a lot more educated and smarter than your parent

without going into it too much, i totally agree with you. My dad is stubborn and refuses to think critically on a lot of things. He already has his mind made up and uses that as his "consideration" of topics.

they are more simple minded but I've found sometimes they need some time to process the conversation, so perhaps try touching back a day after you bring it up and they've considered it more than what you thought.

I can relate to this. I grew up in a very small town, all of my extended family still lives there, and the whole area is going downhill. I got a scholarship to run in college and went to school 500 miles away and got a very different view of the world as a result. I have a hard time talking to my parents about anything meaningful, but it's not because they're stupid or I'm smarter than them-in fact I think my parents are both smarter than I am- it's because I think I've had more different experiences in 35 years than they have in 60+ years. Same with friends from home who've never left. It's the small town vs. city. Sometimes I am envious of the people who've lived in the same place their whole life and live somewhere where everyone knows you...then sometimes I'm happy to live in a relatively large city where I know no one and have a few friends.

Read Hillbilly Elegy- I've found a lot of parallels with how I grew up and how things continue today.

answer man...... wrote:

the magic rat wrote:

This is sort of a silly response. Are you saying that if he is intelligent then his parents must also be, since he is their offspring? You don't actually believe that do you?

I'm 6'1". My dad is 5'9", and my mom is 5'1".

Sure, with two tall parents you are more likely to be tall, but it isn't a guarantee. Same thing with intelligence. People can differ from their parents quite a bit.

yes i do believe that for the most part if someone is intelligent his/her parents are too... sure someone could hit the lottery but odds are... so yours is more of a silly response than mine was... i think you just wanted to argue...

Really not looking to argue. I just think there are a lot of examples out there that go against what you're saying. I'd hardly say its akin to winning the lottery, as far as odds go. And what about the opposite? I've definitely seen smart parents with a dumb kid. How is that any different?

But regardless, even if you are right, what about having just one smart parent? This situation (not being able to have certain types of conversations) could happen with the other one.

I know this board likes to jump down everyone's throat here, and this kid could very well be full of crap, but it isn't like the situation he described doesn't exist. Telling him to appreciate his parents' hard word, respect them, etc etc is a completely different issue.

It just seems like he hit a nerve with a lot of people. If he had said his parents seem crueler, or happier, or slower (half joke), or any other trait a person can have, I doubt so many responses would have been so dismissive.

What is intelligence, anyway?

When I was in the army, I received the kind of aptitude test that all soldiers took and, against a normal of 100, scored 160. No one at the base had ever seen a figure like that, and for two hours they made a big fuss over me.

(It didn't mean anything. The next day I was still a buck private with KP - kitchen police - as my highest duty.)

All my life I've been registering scores like that, so that I have the complacent feeling that I'm highly intelligent, and I expect other people to think so too.

Actually, though, don't such scores simply mean that I am very good at answering the type of academic questions that are considered worthy of answers by people who make up the intelligence tests - people with intellectual bents similar to mine?

For instance, I had an auto-repair man once, who, on these intelligence tests, could not possibly have scored more than 80, by my estimate. I always took it for granted that I was far more intelligent than he was.

Yet, when anything went wrong with my car I hastened to him with it, watched him anxiously as he explored its vitals, and listened to his pronouncements as though they were divine oracles - and he always fixed my car.

Well, then, suppose my auto-repair man devised questions for an intelligence test.

Or suppose a carpenter did, or a farmer, or, indeed, almost anyone but an academician. By every one of those tests, I'd prove myself a moron, and I'd be a moron, too.

In a world where I could not use my academic training and my verbal talents but had to do something intricate or hard, working with my hands, I would do poorly.

My intelligence, then, is not absolute but is a function of the society I live in and of the fact that a small subsection of that society has managed to foist itself on the rest as an arbiter of such matters.

Consider my auto-repair man, again.

He had a habit of telling me jokes whenever he saw me.

One time he raised his head from under the automobile hood to say: "Doc, a deaf-and-mute guy went into a hardware store to ask for some nails. He put two fingers together on the counter and made hammering motions with the other hand.

"The clerk brought him a hammer. He shook his head and pointed to the two fingers he was hammering. The clerk brought him nails. He picked out the sizes he wanted, and left. Well, doc, the next guy who came in was a blind man. He wanted scissors. How do you suppose he asked for them?"

Indulgently, I lifted by right hand and made scissoring motions with my first two fingers.

Whereupon my auto-repair man laughed raucously and said, "Why, you dumb jerk, He used his voice and asked for them."

Then he said smugly, "I've been trying that on all my customers today." "Did you catch many?" I asked. "Quite a few," he said, "but I knew for sure I'd catch you."

"Why is that?" I asked. "Because you're so goddamned educated, doc, I knew you couldn't be very smart."

And I have an uneasy feeling he had something there.

Autobiography by Dr. Isaac Asimov (1920–1992):

It's Been a Good Life

You want to connect with your parents? Ask them about them. My guess: they've spent their entire lives catering to your needs and you've taken most, if not all of it, for granted, as most kids do. That's not a cut, it's just the way the parent/child relationship works, especially today. They lived their own lives before you came along and have seen and done things that make them who they are. Ask them about it.

My Grandfather's eyes when I asked him about jumping at Normandy or the Battle of the Bulge: big as balloons.

My Mom's mug when I ask her about dancing on Broadway or the studio she owned and ran before I was born: as wide as the state of Texas.

My Dad's demeanor when I ask him about playing on an undefeated college football team or going through boot camp: proud and priceless.

This is the stuff you will never forget as you grow older and if you're lucky, it will repeat when your kids ask you about you.

I can second this. I don't have this issue with my parents, but I can relate to the OP with my grandpa. One of my grandpa's is highly educated and has a master's degree in engineering from MIT. The other had an associates degree and worked as a technical writer. The educated grandpa is very easy to talk and connect with and we often have intellectually stimulating conversations. The other grandpa is a quiet guy in general, but I can't recall ever having an intellectually engaging conversation with him which made him harder to connect with. He would just give me a hug and ask how's school, work, etc. and I'd give a short summary and he'd say something like "that's nice to hear" or make a joke and that was all the further the conversation would go. I discovered later in life that he was a good story teller, so I would ask him questions about his childhood or young adult days and he would tell some really good stories which helped me connect with him more.

To the OP- since your parents don't have the same world view as you and lack critical thinking skills, I recommend just asking them about their experiences in their earlier life and maybe you'll learn something more about them and connect that way.

Thanks to all the helpful responses.

Not sure why some people immediately decided to thrown shade at me. I guess a lot of *presumably* older people are sensitive to this idea.

I bet there are a few here dumber than their parents. Regression to the norm.

SDSU Aztec wrote:

Your parents sound as if they are worthy of your respect. Find topics to talk about that interest them and stop judging them.

This is the best response. A day will come when you stop valuing "intelligent conversations" and you will begin to value the time you spend with other people that matter to you. If you were as smart as you think you are, you would be able to find something to talk about with your dad instead of imprisoning him and yourself within the tiny world of academic discussions.

This is why insects eat their young

Why did you put quotation marks around the word presumably?

newgen00 wrote:

Thanks to all the helpful responses.

Not sure why some people immediately decided to thrown shade at me. I guess a lot of *presumably* older people are sensitive to this idea.

You are trying to have conversations that YOU think are intellectual. Which is most likely you just regurgitating something someone else told you with no critical thinking on your part. You do not like remote controlled robot boxing, but that doesn't mean its dumb. Have you talked to about this since it obviously something he likes? No, you dismissed it as stupid you smug little prick.

Sorry I do not speak english very well because I am from Serbia. I have very high IQ. I started reading books since age of 3.5. I studied biology, math and physics. I am twelve. I could read 600 pages long book in a week since age of six. That is when I started to train chess. I am one of best 12 year olds in country(3-4). I am going to go to high school at age of thirten. I could done it at age of 11 but I loved my teacher. Eaven though my life sounds perfect, my parents are much less inteligent than I am. They can not admit they are wrong, my dumb "influencer" sister is of course the golden child, I am always the guilty one etc. I completely relate to you. Bye.