Stories of Alcoholism

Ok Avocado, I get what you are saying. Best of wishes with your career. Definitely don't give up.

Your program director is unlikely to reply now but maybe not always. Many state medical societies have some kind of physician health service focused on addicted and alcoholic physicians. They require urine testing but also host meetings and offer counseling. It sounds like you still have your medical license. But even if you lost it, the PHS is a pathway back into the practice of Medicine if you really want it.

That said, your past suggests to me that maybe you weren’t happy in your profession. So you may want to truly consider whether you want to make the effort. Or just go find what you really want to do.

I believe that every state, with the notable exception of California, has a diversion program for physicians with behavioral issues. The vast majority of participants are there for substance use disorders, some of which were not uncovered until legal or disciplinary issues arose, including issues involving direct patient care. The directors and facilitators of these programs monitor compliance with aftercare requirements (abstinence is monitored with lab testing 4-6 times monthly) and advocate for the physician in their relationship with the state medical board and local privileging authorities. Motivated physicians can work with this system toward the goal of returning from exile, so to speak. Others can be referred by their practice or hospital's provider wellness committee before any adverse action regarding privileges has even taken place. In my case, this meant five years of monitoring and weekly meetings with the group. This process probably helped to save my life, not just my career, but it would be miserable for anyone who wasn't serious about their sobriety.

TMad wrote:

Ok Avocado, I get what you are saying. Best of wishes with your career. Definitely don't give up.

:)

Not my username wrote:

Thanks for starting this topic.

Like a lot of people, my drinking just kept creeping up and up as I gave myself more permission to drink in different settings. By the end, I was drinking about a fifth a day while hiding it from my wife and family. I was skipping runs in order to have more time to drink.

I quit about a year in a half ago with the help of a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I can honestly say I've never been better. All the time and energy I bound up into finding alcohol, drinking alcohol, hiding the evidence, and hiding my drunkenness is now focused into things that actually move my life forward.

Sobriety has really been a godsend for me. This is just my story though.

This is a very inspiring story. Thank you for sharing it.

I wanted to reply to another poster about my choice of profession. I love my profession very dearly, and it was the sole respite I had from an otherwise dreary existence. It gave me meaning. My alcoholism preceded my profession, rather than being caused by it. Additionally, my profession kept me more sober than I would have been - I drank solely when off-duty, and when I quit my residency, I drank 24/7.

Look into IDAA

Keep comin back

Having you considering that deriving your self worth solely from your job and/or drinking is perhaps the reason for your dreary existence, rather than the response?

Not my username wrote:

Thanks for starting this topic.

Like a lot of people, my drinking just kept creeping up and up as I gave myself more permission to drink in different settings. By the end, I was drinking about a fifth a day while hiding it from my wife and family. I was skipping runs in order to have more time to drink.

I quit about a year in a half ago with the help of a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I can honestly say I've never been better. All the time and energy I bound up into finding alcohol, drinking alcohol, hiding the evidence, and hiding my drunkenness is now focused into things that actually move my life forward.

Sobriety has really been a godsend for me. This is just my story though.

Amazing isn't it? Good luck moving forward a day at a time.

35 years sober last March.

Amazing. Congratulations.

One of the ways I keep sober is being up front about having been addicted to alcohol so I used my real handle cause I am proud of having beat this horrible disease.

24 years Sober since April 9th 1994.

Age 30 began my last relapse. It was 1986 I had quit drinking in my early 20s and was a 4.0 Computer Science Major at a top tier school with a phd in AI as my goal . I loved 2 things , algorithms and my wife. Caught one of them cheating on me. Used that as an excuse for the relapse. Did manage to get my BS and a decent IT software job but way under my dreams. The last few years I was desperate to quit. I knew it was slowly killing me. I would get wasted right after work then pass out early wake up about 4 am and toss ever ounce of booze into this garbage dumpster behind a Jim's Restaurant and swear that was it I was done. I could function at a high level for about 4 or 5 hours then the shakes would start. I tried AA a few times but just did not connect with the groups I went to. To this day I do not know how I finally quit. I had quit for a few days or even weeks a few times but had always relapsed. I took up walking long walks then running and running really helped me as it was addictive as the booze. So alcohol did destroy a professional life and I sometimes wonder what might have been but overall I am pretty happy with how things worked out.

You are young with tons of opportunity but what I sense is your lack of understanding just how dangerous things are for you.

Consider finding a fellow ship of doctors who are in recovery they can really help you get through this dangerous time.

Not alcohol, but weed. Been smoking on and off since early high school. I'm in my late 30s now. Would even go a year or two without even thinking about it, much less smoking it. I started smoking on a weekly basis half-way through my PhD, when the 6 days/week and 80+ hours of work was just too much and I needed a few bowls each week to escape. Despite doing a ton of self-improvement and whatnot, I was never able to get into a relationship, get married, have kids, etc. At 37, social prospects are further and fewer in between. I've steadily evolved into a 3-4 x per week smoker. I know it doesn't sound too bad compared to some other people, but I also know I'm using it as an escape from working on whatever it is that's keeping me from finding someone to build a life with. I have a great job, PhD, athletic accolades, I'm considered tall and pretty muscular, people always tell me I'm funny and charming, I've been on countless first dates, second dates, etc. that felt like they were 1000% going to go somewhere, but nothing. I try to not be bitter and angry at the world, but I know I am. The weed just lets me escape and feel good for a bit. Not sure what else.

Everyone’s situation is different but I’ve found that in the long run, I’ve gained far more than I lost. Oddly enough, I ended up returning to some stuff I was into when I was young, like photography. I always regretted not pursuing that as a job but I never would have had the energy or drive to do it when I was drinking. Now, I’m working as a commercial photographer.

this thread has been very underwhelming. i want some dark stories. so far we have a guy who squandered his career as a physician, but seems like he can easily get it back if wasn't such a coward. a couple guys who dabbled in functional alcoholism, but get sober before it ruined there life. someone who drank four beers after his runs. and someone who smokes some weed because he's sad.

i went through the college (and a couple years post college) binge drinking phase, but largely i have nothing to contribute to this thread. where are the true alcoholics?????

I drank a half gallon of vodka a day for years. Began drinks at 15 while competing. Am 35 now. Chronic pancreatitis, legal consequences, gaps in employment, etc. Nothing good ever came from it.

you need to find yourself a hippie chick. or heck, most of the girls i run with all smoke weed.

hcpc wrote:

this thread has been very underwhelming. i want some dark stories.

I doubt that many of them are on a running message board. I've had trouble fighting the desire to drink a couple of beers a night during the week. I can relate to a lot of stories in the stop drinking thread. My alcoholic buddy is on a completely different level. He no longer has any interest in remotely healthy activities.

He lost his white collar job due to drinking on the job and showing up drunk. He wakes up in the middle of the night to drink vodka. He has a drink first thing in the morning. The volume of drinking and mind games to justify it are on another level. He too has chronic pancreatitis, along with heart issues, a full set of dentures, skin issues, and a host of digestive problems. He is drinking himself to death and his wife enables it. We're at a loss and don't know what else we can do from afar.

Thanks!

I don't begrudge anyone for their life choices. I can only say that I've been pretty stunned how much drinking subtracted, and how much sobriety has added.

Keep blazing buddy. Alcohol almost ruined my life. Haven't had a drink in a long time. But I love the bud. Makes me a better person, a better father, a better husband. I usually only do edibles twice a month or so, but I love it. All that to say: it's probably (definitely) not cannabis that's the issue here.

Uh, just out of curiousity, as you were 3 years into residency, what happened to the med school loans? You’re probably in for $200 000 or so. You should also be in default/bankruptcy.