What it boils down to, in my opinion, is that you are soul searching. We ALL do it at various points in our lives. We have an emptiness in us that leads to the searching. I didn't find what I was looking for until I found Jesus Christ. I get it, it's not always easy to believe. You will still sin(we all do and will because it's our human nature to do so), but churches aren't built for perfect people. The worst most unhappy times in my life were when I strayed away or got mad at God. Start by praying to God. Give it a shot and start a relationship with Christ. If you don't like it, you can always quit it.