I love my gf and want to marry her. But she has a crazy amount of debt. Need advice.

phoenix.rising wrote:

Consider living together to help her cut her expenses and save money. Keep your finances separate! Tell her you strongly advise her to take a money management class and to make a plan on how to get out of debt. Tell her that marriages that begin in debt have a strike against them and you want to have a bright future with her, but it will only happen if she takes steps. Tell her you want to see how she's done in paying down her debt after one year. After a year, see how's she's doing. If she's making good progress and has turned over a new leaf in her financial habits, she's a keeper. If not, cut her loose.

Ha! Yea try that patronizing routine on her and see how long she sticks with you. Please update us on your inevitable failure!

30yo Man wrote:

TLDR: My girlfriend is near perfect for me in every way, I love her, I don't think I could find another girl like her given I haven't in the 30 years I've been alive, but she has $100,000 in debt, and I don't know what to do.

You Americans are genuinely and sincerely stupid. It's not intended as an offence though. I just don't know how to tell this the easy way.

When anything comes to America, it takes on a different form. It just amuses me what forms can anything take in America. Take love as you call it for example. Seems to me that you never live to experience pure love as it is, without borders and constraints, without precalculated mathemtical rules or some kind of algorithm involved. You calculate to the last cent if that particular relationship is good for you or not. I am not saying that paying attention to such things is bad. I am just amused that you seem to only care if that particular relationship is a personal bonus to you. It's just that I have never seen such attitude here in my part of the world.

Honestly I don't think you truly know what love is. It reminded me of a scene from Good Will Hunting, I really recommend you to watch it and think about it. I am not saying you should jump off a roof and throw out all your savings to rescue her. No. I am saying you should think less about it and just experience the life and the love it has brought up to you

You don't have to marry her right away. You can live together and see what kind of job she can get and whether she can live within a budget.

I made a commitment to my wife and her reckless spending resulted in our burning through my savings and me in credit card debt for the only time in my life. Alimony is based on a percentage of the difference in incomes and since she hadn't worked much I had to pay her a significant amount for three years.

Total disaster.

The decision to marry this woman will devastate you financially for most of the productive period of your life.

100k is not very much money. Of all of the problems that could exist in a relationship, this is quite minor. Who cares? You live in a first world country. Money grows on trees.

so most women can't manage their money and/or are mentally unstable? if i could i'd be warning her to stay away from your misogynistic bullsh-t. on top of that, as a few have already mentioned, you don't have your priorities straight. grow up.

Can't believe I read this novella.

CleanBottle wrote:

It sounds like you have been dating for a few weeks. Proposing would be lunacy.

This. Pump the brakes, bro. You are getting way ahead of yourself.

Screw the debt and follow your heart. You never know, maybe Uncle Sam will forgive the debt in the future

First, like PP said, we need to know her income and your income to make a judgment on how big of a problem 100K in debt is.

To me, 100K in debt isn't really the problem here. It's her ongoing lack of fiscal responsibility. The concern would be that if you marry, she'll just start spending more when she has access to your income, and pressing you to live in bigger houses, etc., and you'll be living hand-to-mouth for the rest of your life.

Or, maybe she just doesn't know how to be fiscally responsible, and if you teach her, she could change. #1 seems more likely than #2, but I know of people who have changed. It's not impossible. The thing is, you need to see that she can sustainably change for more than a few months.

You've only been together for a few months, but you say you love her. You need to sit down and have a serious conversation about this, explain your concerns, especially about her living beyond her means at present in a house. Does she realize this is a bad idea? Is she interested in changing and living modestly within her means? If not, you should probably move on. If yes, then see if you still love her in 12 more months, and get engaged at that point. Please don't get engaged in the immediate future, or worse, make a baby.

"I am well aware most women are pretty lousy with personal finance..." - WTF?

Yet, you're 30, live with roommate and only worth $100,000? Doesn't sound like you're much of a prize, either.

Jersey Girl wrote:

"I am well aware most women are pretty lousy with personal finance..." - WTF?

Yet, you're 30, live with roommate and only worth $100,000? Doesn't sound like you're much of a prize, either.

Ouch

It might take you 30 years to get out of debt

OP, don't flatter yourself. 100k net worth at age 30, single with no kids is nothing. Anyone can max their 401k and have a net worth of 100k in a few years. Also who includes their car and material possessions in their net worth? LoL. Most people don't even count their home equity.

Women spend money. Get used to it. If you really went to get married then consider her debt yours, put your head down and pay it off aggressively. If you aren't ready to combine finances then you aren't ready for marriage.

You can be together without getting married.

OP, welcome to the world of feminism and hypergamy.

First and foremost, DO NOT assume her debt lock stock and barrel. To protect yourself from the specter of hypergamy and future divorce rape, you need to do one of two things:

1. See if she's willing to sign a pre-nup, so that if she starts monkey-branching while you are paying off her bills, at least you can protect your assets and paycheck from court-ordered garnishment when the inevitable divorce becomes a reality.

2. Wait until she pays off her own debt, or at least shows the responsibility of paying down her own debt, BEFORE you start talking about marriage.

Pre-nup is required. Her debt is hers, your assets are yours. Like most things in life these days a little paper work is necessary.

lol at Americans.

Welcome to your real world wrote:

OP, don't flatter yourself. 100k net worth at age 30, single with no kids is nothing. Anyone can max their 401k and have a net worth of 100k in a few years. Also who includes their car and material possessions in their net worth? LoL. Most people don't even count their home equity.

Women spend money. Get used to it. If you really went to get married then consider her debt yours, put your head down and pay it off aggressively. If you aren't ready to combine finances then you aren't ready for marriage.

There is no such thing as a sole mate. If they were to break up he could mostly likely find another women he is equally attracted to. There is no reason to pick the one with financial issues. There are women out there that have good jobs and even have savings.

Soulmate.