I matched with a girl who lives about an hour away a few weeks ago. Just looking at her photos and profile kind of set me back a little, like, "Whoa, this one is different." We messaged quite a bit over the course of a few weeks and finally found time to meet up. I cleaned my car and my apartment in preparation, way more than I usually would, and that was kind of something I noted later about my behavior that apparently I knew this was going to be kind of a big deal before we ever even met. When we did meet, we hit it off really well right from the start and ended up spending 6 hours together! Conversation flowed effortlessly, and we just seem to be on the "same wavelength," something that almost NEVER happens with me. We're also the same age (I'm only 4 months older), which studies suggest is more conducive to long term happiness in relationships as people of the same age relate to each other better.
I've been thinking it all over since, and it all seems weird to me, almost like I know this is the girl. While that sounds very naive and juvenile, I have gone out with many, many women over the last 5 or so years, and I have never had that feeling before. It's not like a crush or infatuation; more like "this person feels like a true partner to me." I don't think I've ever felt quite like this before.
Anyone else had a similar experience? I'm about to turn 30 FWIW.
Anyone meet your wife and know almost immediately you were going to marry her?
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Sounds great but they're all crazy in the end either way
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Don't get too attached yet. If she has BPD, flee!
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Yep.
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Jimmy Bond wrote:
Anyone else had a similar experience?
Yes. We're together 15 years now.
Guess the clue was that I didn't have to pretend or behave differently being with her. Like you said: effortlessly. -
Yes. We met in college. To me, it seemed as if she had a special aura about her. As it turns out, she had a crush on me before I asked her out. Her roommate told me this . We have been married over 35 years.
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If you're posting this on LRC, that woman has a BPD. Report back in one year.
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No, a trial period of at least 1 year (preferably 10) is needed to truly evaluate compatibility. It is a mistake to allow the euphoria of love/lust cloud your judgment. Search for her incompatibilities then go from there.
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1979 wrote:
Jimmy Bond wrote:
Anyone else had a similar experience?
Yes. We're together 15 years now.
Guess the clue was that I didn't have to pretend or behave differently being with her. Like you said: effortlessly.
Sigh, we're all looking for that.
I felt that way about my Golden Retriever. -
Yes. Told my sister after my first date with my future wife that I has met the girl I was gonna marry.
To clarify, my sister and my wife are two different women. We are from the south, but not that far south...
All jokes aside, there is something to be said for two people being at the same “stage” of life. All the best to you both. -
I knew immediately I wanted to marry her.
37 years later I wake up next to her every morning and think how amazing and wonderful it is that she actually married me. -
I don't think it quite works like that ......all sounds a bit too hollywood.
With my wife, I certainly knew within a few weeks of meeting her that it was 'different' and that I was absolutely head over heels for her, but to say I knew immediately when I met her that I'd end up marrying her would be an outright lie. I'd be very surprised if anyone could, hand on heart, say that. -
shpeshal wrote:
I don't think it quite works like that ......all sounds a bit too hollywood.
With my wife, I certainly knew within a few weeks of meeting her that it was 'different' and that I was absolutely head over heels for her, but to say I knew immediately when I met her that I'd end up marrying her would be an outright lie. I'd be very surprised if anyone could, hand on heart, say that.
I can say hand to heart that I knew right away.
Actually within 1 hour of meeting her for the first time I was introducing her to others as "The girl i just met that I'll be marrying in a few years" ... She laughed at the time as I said it, but years later told me she hoped I wasn't joking.
Together 8 years, married 5. -
My wife is already married to me, so how would this person be offering any insights into my intentions of marrying her immediately?
Short version - WTF are you talking about ? -
NotHollywood wrote:
shpeshal wrote:
I don't think it quite works like that ......all sounds a bit too hollywood.
With my wife, I certainly knew within a few weeks of meeting her that it was 'different' and that I was absolutely head over heels for her, but to say I knew immediately when I met her that I'd end up marrying her would be an outright lie. I'd be very surprised if anyone could, hand on heart, say that.
I can say hand to heart that I knew right away.
Actually within 1 hour of meeting her for the first time I was introducing her to others as "The girl i just met that I'll be marrying in a few years" ... She laughed at the time as I said it, but years later told me she hoped I wasn't joking.
Together 8 years, married 5.
I think the point I'm trying to make is more that there's so much you DON'T know about a person when you've spent just a few hours with them. I don't doubt that you had a very strong and instant connection with your wife when you first met her, but can you honestly tell me those "this is my future wife.." comments to friends (while in her company?!) weren't at least slightly tongue in cheek? -
I've had the opposite experience. There were a couple of women that I thought "I'm going to marry her!" and it never worked out. Those first impressions never work out.
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Yes.
In fact- I was out with friends and they brought out cigars, asked me if I wanted one, I said, "No, I'm gonna meet the girl I'm gonna marry tonight, I don't want to smell like a cigar." OK, I don't smoke but, I went into a club.
Asked a girl to dance. We hit it off, I called her, about 18 months later we were married.
32 years, 25 of them the happiest years of my life.
We're no longer together but I wouldn't change a thing except, maybe working out our problems in a different way. -
I'd say I knew by the 4th date that I would probably marry my now husband. He said he knew after about a month. Hanging out with him was effortless, we agreed on a lot of the same things (and even if we didn't we could respectfully disagree), conversation was easy and never forced, and I felt I could be myself around him. I had never dated anyone longer than 1.5 years before I met him and now we've been together 7 years, 3.5 years married, expecting our first kid in October. I wouldn't have it any other way. Don't get me wrong, we drive each other nuts sometimes but at the end of the day I could not imagine being with anyone else, especially some of my exes (I don't know what I was thinking!), and I couldn't imagine having a better dad for our kid. We were just talking about our first date the other day and how easy it was. We met for dinner and ended up closing down a bar at 2 AM on a weekday night, just hanging out talking over a couple beers. Easiest date ever.
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shpeshal wrote:
NotHollywood wrote:
shpeshal wrote:
I don't think it quite works like that ......all sounds a bit too hollywood.
With my wife, I certainly knew within a few weeks of meeting her that it was 'different' and that I was absolutely head over heels for her, but to say I knew immediately when I met her that I'd end up marrying her would be an outright lie. I'd be very surprised if anyone could, hand on heart, say that.
I can say hand to heart that I knew right away.
Actually within 1 hour of meeting her for the first time I was introducing her to others as "The girl i just met that I'll be marrying in a few years" ... She laughed at the time as I said it, but years later told me she hoped I wasn't joking.
Together 8 years, married 5.
I think the point I'm trying to make is more that there's so much you DON'T know about a person when you've spent just a few hours with them. I don't doubt that you had a very strong and instant connection with your wife when you first met her, but can you honestly tell me those "this is my future wife.." comments to friends (while in her company?!) weren't at least slightly tongue in cheek?
Okay i get it. I guess I couldn't say I knew with 100% confidence sure. But I did "know" none the less.
If someone asked me to bet that day my life savings on marrying her or not. My money would have been on yes. -
I have said this about a few different women, including the one I'm dating now. Obviously, it didn't work out the previous times. I figure it is a good feeling to have in the beginning, though; certainly preferable to thinking, "She's fun, but I'll never marry her." Eventually, one of them will work out and then you can look back and say, "I knew it the day I met you."
