What to do when friends start asking you for money?

$50 for a handy, $100 for oral

Maybe you could offer to buy him groceries if you feel ok with that gesture. I agree that just handing over money won't ever solve the problem. I have seen that play over and over with my own brother.

Just tell him that if you give him money, he'll never learn to pull himself up by his bootstraps. He'll thank you in the end.

The obvious answer wrote:

$50 for a handy, $100 for oral

Hmm, didn't consider this, although not the preferred way to end my dry spell.

harwich9 wrote:

Maybe you could offer to buy him groceries if you feel ok with that gesture. I agree that just handing over money won't ever solve the problem. I have seen that play over and over with my own brother.

bootstraps wrote:

Just tell him that if you give him money, he'll never learn to pull himself up by his bootstraps. He'll thank you in the end.

Yea, no amount of money will solve this problem because if he doesn't address the underlying mental health problems, the patterns of behavior will not ever change. I don't think the "pull yourself by the bootstraps" talk will work with this individual. I'm more afraid this downward spiral will end in a suicide attempt, becuase the finances are piece of the larger picture. I have offered an ear and advice over the years and suggested counseling for depression, but he always has some justification for this or that. I don't know what else to do except literally drop him off at a mental health clinic, because I'm tired of hearing about these problems for years while doing nothing to address the issues.

Just say no. You don't owe him money nor an explanation.

Don't lend money to friends.

However, if you like the guy, consider *giving* him money. Just don't expect to get it back. And if he's got serial problems, expect to be asked again.

Give

But ask too

Since you're posting here obviously $750 is pocket change for you. If he is your friend just give him the money as a gift. You will feel good helping your friend out.

Friendster wrote:

Since you're posting here obviously $750 is pocket change for you. If he is your friend just give him the money as a gift. You will feel good helping your friend out.

If his friend is a typical poor white person, having $750 in his pocket will lead to death by opioid overdose in short order.

Are you ok with dropplng him cold and learning that he killed himself? If so, then drop him cold. If not, I suggest calling https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Suicide_Prevention_Lifeline and asking what they suggest.

I really don't have to worry about that. ?

Let him know that his future will be bright now that we have Trump in office trying to make the country better and not worse. A lot of us dealt with depression while watching Obama rip the country apart but now things are getting better.

-krispy

poor people be crazy wrote:

Friendster wrote:

Since you're posting here obviously $750 is pocket change for you. If he is your friend just give him the money as a gift. You will feel good helping your friend out.

If his friend is a typical poor white person, having $750 in his pocket will lead to death by opioid overdose in short order.

True.

Don't give him a dime, OP. Be uncompromising on this. Tell him that once he demonstrably and sustainably has his ish together that you will give him $500-$1k to put even more of a wind at his back. Your judgment, not his. That gives him something to shoot for but does not make you an enabler.

The true best way is to network and ask friends of you and mutual friends of your friend to donate a small amount for the cause. This way, nobody is put out but it still helps your friend. I did this recently with an internet friend. I helped, and I challenged others to help. Many small amounts add up big. I suggest this. If this is too difficult, then you mean acquaintance, not friend Mike

vivalarepublica wrote:

One of my friends just asked me to lend him $750 to pay his bills. I like the guy, but he has experienced financial issues and a thread of depression for years now (which are related), and his financial issues are finally hitting rock bottom. I won't be lending him the money now or ever.

What's the best way to tell him that I am never going to lend him any money but still would like to help in some way? Or should I just cut the cord on the friendship altogether so I don't get dragged further into this mess, even though I know that would hurt him and not help the situation?

Tell him that you’re very concerned that he is not going to pay you back, that it’s very important that he does, that the timeline is unimportant as far as repayment but he needs to make commitments and stick to them. Then give him the money and get stiffed. That’s what I did, and for reasons I still don’t fully understand, I can’t imagine doing it any other way.

Mental health problems are a disease. You wouldn't withhold money from a friend that ran out of money for chemo drugs.

However, depression requires actin on a part of the individual.

Solution: Tell him you will put time and/or money toward therapy, treatment, whatever the case may be.

One of my very best friends had a long battle with depression, drugs and the worst set of decision making skills anybody could fathom. I stuck with him, he died of an overdose.

Just don't abandon a friend, because even if it's justifiable, you want to know you did what you could if it all ends horribly.

Vnvnvnvnv wrote:

However, depression requires actin on a part of the individual.

Depression has nothing to do with myofibrils.

Lending money to friends can be complicated. It depends on your relationship with them. I had a friend that would ask me for money and at first paid me back. Little by little they would have less to payback and their tab added up. One day they asked me for more money to pay their car payment or insurance. At first I said yes, but during the night my laptop took a crap. I told her no I couldn't because I needed a new laptop. She got so mad. She started complaining that I should've bought a new laptop years ago and a new car too, since I was always taking my car to the mechanic. She even complained that I wasted money on women/hoes. I said who cares what i spend my money on and when. I'm not the one borrowing money to pay my bills. That was the end of our friendship and they never paid back the $300+ that they owed me.