Fall 1997. 3rd season of cross country. Finally earned an athletic scholarship after being a walk-on the previous years. Was beating scholarship teammates the entire time who I had beat in high school as well. At the same time, I let drugs and alcohol take control. I ended up failing every class that semester. Only stayed enrolled (as opposed to dropping out early) to be able to run the conference meet but never went to class.
The next 2.5 years were a mess of work and random attempts to clean up/run again. Former teammates/roommates would see if I wanted to meet up to run in the attempt to get me going again. This lead to a knee injury that was never rehabbed.
As a total humblebrag, the entire time I was in school I was on a full ride academic scholarship to the point that the school was paying me every semester. Loved the running but, looking back, the whole motivation was to prove the point that I deserved a scholarship out of high school as well. The moment I accepted the scholarship, I was done, MENTALLY.
Now, every couple of years I try to start up again. Just a mile. Surely, just a mile. I've been walking this time. I've been biking this time. I've been in the gym for a while this time. This time, it'll be this time. It'll be different. I'll go slower. I'll build up slower. I care differently this time. It's my heart this time. I love this time. It's only every other day this time. I'll warm up more this time. I'll stretch more this time. I'll cool down more this time. Ice. Ibuprofen.
Did I mention I care? I get it now. I proved them wrong and showed them how right they were at the same time.