Losing my girlfriend in college..

FriendlyLobo wrote:

TroubledRelationship wrote:

Guys this is awful, I want to text her so bad and tell her how much I miss her and everything. I have no one to talk to about this..I literally would tell her everything.

I promise you will regret if you do this.

+100

Get busy. Volunteer. Run more.

The first week or two will be the worst. Just find ways to occupy your time. Seriously. Anytime someone offers to do something, just say yes. This is the point of college. Yes, sometimes you're going to go out and feel like crap, but it's better than sitting in your dorm feeling like crap.

Lots of chemical changes in your brain, you can't just make yourself feel better. You have to wait it out and distract yourself.

DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HER. Don't let her keep you around as an emotional crutch. It will make you feel worse. Get your friend to delete her number out of your phone or something. Give it 6 months.

In all honesty, you can probably hook up with this girl the summer after your soph/junior year. You will be totally moved on. You will wonder why you were so obsessed. She will still want it, especially if you don't play the clingy card now.

Godspeed. I hope you aren't sitting at home in your dorm alone right now. Go do something.

We ended on good terms (pretty sure), but I sent the last text. She also wanted to remain in contact etc., but I kind of shut that down even though I really would've liked to stay in touch. Do you think she'll ever text me if I just have been leaving it like this? Cold turkey, no texts from me to her the past few days?

TroubledRelationship wrote:

We ended on good terms (pretty sure), but I sent the last text. She also wanted to remain in contact etc., but I kind of shut that down even though I really would've liked to stay in touch. Do you think she'll ever text me if I just have been leaving it like this? Cold turkey, no texts from me to her the past few days?

Who knows, man. You sound like you've been a good person to her. She won't forget that in the long run. However, she has a lot going on. New experiences are altering her short term opinions of you (clearly).

You can't affect this. You can't change her mind. Time may, time may not.

I know you're broken up. I know you are craving contact. Take our advice. Get out there and distract yourself. Your ideas and worldview will change too. Don't worry about if/when she texts you. Endure the extra stress/pain of no contact now to ensure you get out of this funk ASAP. That's the only way to do it. Attempting to stay friends while you ride out the pain just prolongs.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

She also wanted to remain in contact etc., but I kind of shut that down even though I really would've liked to stay in touch.

Good. You need to have as much personal control over this situation as possible.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

Do you think she'll ever text me if I just have been leaving it like this? Cold turkey, no texts from me to her the past few days?

Who cares? You'll hurt for a week or two, but you'll move on (I promise you that). She'll text back when she needs a "buddy" to talk to, but at that point, you will have moved on and you'll have better control of your emotions so that you can shut it down.

I once broke up with a girl a couple months after graduating high school (she was one grade below me though). I told her I still wanted to be friends blah blah blah, and I sincerely meant it. She ended up texting me the next apologizing for not giving me space and said she also wanted to stay friends. For some reason that immediate contact just seemed clingy and annoyed the hell out of me. Have only spoken to her a couple times in the year+ following that break up.

If you truly want to stay friends with her (which will be nearly impossible without you getting hurt), you need to give it time. When (or should I say if) you do talk to her again, talk to her as you would any other friend.

You need to not be concerned with this though. What you should be concerned with is doing what everyone has suggested--study/make friends/run/etc

Yes. The longer you "don't text her" the more likely she is to text. What I really really really hope you don't do is respond to her and be lovey dovey or accommodate her query to hangout. Trust me - if you keep ignoring her at some point she'll ask you to hang out. It's not that she "wants back with you" (although it will give you a ton of FALSE hope). It's that she wants what she can't have - she wants to know you'll be there whenever she needs you for a shoulder to cry on. This will give her emotional satisfaction and she can resume not worrying about you and go hook up with other guys (oh also she'll respect you less for not getting on with your own life). And then you can restart the clock on your misery. You are chemical crazy, wanting what you can't have and are so "in" this thing you have zero perspective. So for the next 8 weeks (ATLEAST) this is the what you SHOULD do and what will be best for you #1 and what you shouldn't do but I'm afraid you might (#2) - trust me - we've all been through this. #1 (best option - do this!)You don't text her back or text back a stock "sorry I don't want to talk for a while - I need time to get over this". She'll act all angry, she'll say she wants to be friends, she'll say she misses you etc etc. You are strong and have courage. You work out lots and get ripped and fit, you force yourself to get out and make friends, you study your butt off. Outcome: You are feeling wayyy better in 8 weeks. You have new friends and are doing well in school. Your ex. met some guy and has her own friend group but you don't even know about it because you haven't heard/ been stalking her on facebook or sending texts. Maybe in a few months you start talking again and become buddies, maybe not. #2 (please don't)You decide that we don't know what we're talking about. You take half our advice but decide it's silly not to be friends (but really you're deep down hoping that you get back together)You try and play it cool but can't help going out for coffee and dinner/ hanging out with her. You waste money taking her out, you check out her facebook / analyze every text she sends. You get in an excruciating circle of not hearing from her for a long time, finally hearing from her, hanging out with her and then her going cold again. Your grades start to fall, you lose your appetite (bet that's happening right now!) Eventually you find out she hooks up / starts dating another guy. This finally stops the cycle. You say screw it and finally take our advice but you've wasted months being a sad sap, isolating yourself, missing homework, not concentrating, obsessing, and being a general bum. So take our gosh darn advice now! We want you to be happy buddy!

TroubledRelationship wrote:

We ended on good terms (pretty sure), but I sent the last text. She also wanted to remain in contact etc., but I kind of shut that down even though I really would've liked to stay in touch. Do you think she'll ever text me if I just have been leaving it like this? Cold turkey, no texts from me to her the past few days?

FriendlyLobo wrote:

TroubledRelationship wrote:

She also wanted to remain in contact etc., but I kind of shut that down even though I really would've liked to stay in touch.

Good. You need to have as much personal control over this situation as possible.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

Do you think she'll ever text me if I just have been leaving it like this? Cold turkey, no texts from me to her the past few days?

Who cares? You'll hurt for a week or two, but you'll move on (I promise you that). She'll text back when she needs a "buddy" to talk to, but at that point, you will have moved on and you'll have better control of your emotions so that you can shut it down.

THIS is the correct answer, seriously. Don't even think twice about it; there's so so so so much pu$$Y & c*ck out there, some of it very smart & funny... I swear this is the best thing that could happen to you at your age.

Sorry, again I haven’t read the whole thread. This is my mature and past experience with relationships...

“Timing may or not be right but if it is...then grab onto it bec‪ause you have been given the best gift”..-AN

Damn i gotta keep this thread. going through something similar myself right now.

i feel better the days im focusing on myself and not think about her or look at anything that reminds me of her. and feel worse the days i do relapse. i also sometimes think ill be able to be friends but then i think about her all the time on the days i decide to be friends again and start talking or replying to her.

i thinkhope youll get over her. you can get over anyone as long as you make an effort to forget them. plus all these guys on this thread have already done that so this also gives hope.

Guys, this is a really bad day for me today. I am doing awful. I was so close to texting her asking to talk on the phone about everything just now and I am so upset. I really need to talk to her guys I am miserable without her.

It sucks. Wait it out and do your best not to contact her.

If the radio silence continues, she will text you 4 days prior to Thanksgiving break to make contact prior to you guys both being home over that break.

TroubledRelationship wrote:

Guys, this is a really bad day for me today. I am doing awful. I was so close to texting her asking to talk on the phone about everything just now and I am so upset. I really need to talk to her guys I am miserable without her.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT text her and especially DO NOT call her. It is not worth it in the long run. It will only serve to hurt you more.

You can talk to us man - we are here to support. Ignore the few bad posts. It is totally fine for you to come on the forums as an outlet. Just dont bloody text her!!!! The moment you text her you:1 - reset all your misery and pain and it starts over2 - tell her you are a pushover and a lapdog3 - give her relief that you are still under her thumb so she can pursue other guys guilt free4 - obsess over every reply / word that comes from her

TroubledRelationship wrote:

Guys, this is a really bad day for me today. I am doing awful. I was so close to texting her asking to talk on the phone about everything just now and I am so upset. I really need to talk to her guys I am miserable without her.

If you contact her Wejo/Rojo will IP ban you and get your coach to kick you off your team. Sorry man but we gotta get real.

You know that stretch in the middle of a 5k, where it starts to suck and you know there's no way around it - you just have to deal with the pain until you get close enough to the finish to start your kick? This is like that. Other posters have made suggestions for how to take your mind off it but there's no escaping the pain that will be there. Just stay strong and like you would hang on to the pack in front of you during a race, and after a week or two you'll transition into that kick to the finish zone.

Trust us who say we've been there before, we know it sucks but if you stay strong it will get better. If you slip up and keep reaching out, you'll just prolong the inevitable.

Perfect response!

Run some mileage. Screw some other women. Have a few beers. Repeat

You need to find a way to turn your sadness into anger.

Realize this hard truth. She considers you second best. She expects you to put your life on hold and wait for her while she has fun, but then be there at her convenience when needed. You are the "safe" alternative.

This is BS. You are better than that.

I don't care how "nice" she seemed or your relationship seemed. This behavior is NOT nice. She is being selfish and entitled. She fooled you and lied to you about her true nature for a long time.

When you want to text her, think instead about how much it hurts to be deceived, lied to, and used by her. Get angry. Put in some miles and hit the gym.

When she comes crawling back, tell her to F off.

Now you can focus on College.

Learning and prepping for your future, and exploring everything college has to offer.

You're in the best place to move on.

Stop your sniveling. You've made a good start. Don't be the guy on the shelf.

I hate to tell you what you already know: "she needs to figure everything out" means that she's finished with you and she's just trying to soften the blow.

Your relationship is doomed, it's done.

I'm not trolling. I've been where you are. I misplaced my faith in somebody who waffled for the last two or three out of the five years we were together until she finally left me for the guy she ended up marrying. I have only one big regret: that I abandoned my self-respect in order to "hang on" for as long as I could.

Pick up a copy of David Deida's "The Way of the Superior Man." Pay particular attention to his discussion of masculine sense of purpose. Value yours; never allow a woman to so diminish it that you end up lowering yourself in any way in order to get her to stay. It won't work. She'll leave anyway--as yours has left.

You won't listen to anything I say, of course, but I'm saying it anyway.

The good news is that there ARE, in fact, many other fish in the sea. You will find one. Let her go.