Am I being unfair to judge some of the guys my age based on how I feel the older men I know used to act when young?

Porn/tinder/hookups not to mention women didn't just give it away to every inbred back in the day- you had to work for it.

This generation is spoiled. Thank heavens because by the time they mature in 10 years, THEN they'll be looking to snag a 24 year old lol

So you want to bring up the real man thing again?

you are one confused millennial.

You need an older man and there are no shortage of older men interested in dating hot 20somethimg runners.

No, you are not being unfair. As much as you try not to compare, it is inevitable to compare generations, and to a certain degree a necessary evil as long as you are not doing it as lashon harah (for derogatory speech about another person.)

Oh, by the way as a 54yr old turkey let me give you a priceless advise: In life, never say never. (referring to your..." I know at work who are late 30s/40s...by the way,I would never consider anything with any of them, to get that out of the way")

You wanna bet you will eventually end up marrying one in that age group? ;)

Good luck!

This could be a troll.

In any case yes young women often say they "would never, ever consider marrying an older guy. If that is your case why do you admire them???

Hilarious.

Anonymous by choice again wrote:

This could be a troll.

In any case yes young women often say they "would never, ever consider marrying an older guy. If that is your case why do you admire them???

Hilarious.

Probably she is falling for one already and that is why she asked the question. She is in the denial stage.

You are comparing what you think they might have been like against what you know the guys of your generation are like so yes it is unfair.

good grief wrote:

you are one confused millennial.

How so? Millennials are trash and this topic hit the nail on the head.

I also want a girl with a girl with a 20-year-old's body but the maturity of a 40-year-old. I'd date women my own age, but too much emotional baggage. To bad we can get together, OP. But society would judge us.

is it......? wrote:

Contrast that with some of the guys I know at work who are late 30s/40s (by the way, I would never consider anything with any of them, to get that out of the way):

Am I being unfair to hold up some of the guys I meet against what some of these older men may have been like? I am trying not to compare them to what these older guys are like now, but at the same time, I feel like they seem more loyal, were interested in long-term relationships and marriage...

I'm fairly certain you WOULD consider something with the older (married) guys in your office. I literally can't count the number of times I've been able to talk a woman into 'something' that she said she'd not even consider. Even in as little as two hours and a couple of glasses of wine, a woman (especially a married woman) will drop all reservations and inhibitions. ESPECIALLY the ones that claim they wouldn't. The fact that you feel the need to SAY you wouldn't tells me you WOULD.

is it......? wrote:

Contrast that with some of the guys I know at work who are late 30s/40s (by the way, I would never consider anything with any of them, to get that out of the way):

your guessing their behavior wrote:

You are comparing what you think they might have been like against what you know the guys of your generation are like so yes it is unfair.

Or just talking nonsese.

First things first, let's get this out of the way. While I am impressed by your proper grammar and spelling, which seems rare for millenials on the Internet these days, it does not seem like you are dedicating your full brainpower to the subject at hand or maybe do not have the brainpower to fully analyze this topic.

You have no idea what these 30s/40s guys were like in their 20s, except for what they tell you. And memories are inherently inaccurate, so they can shape their stories make themselves appear in a more positive light. So who the heck knows if these guys were as mature as you think they were or they say they were. Get real.

Now on the subject of the maturity of the modern 20-something American male, I can understand what you are saying because my observations point towards to a sad state of maturity for many 20-something males. I meet many younger guys that tend to be lazy and unmotivated, or hopped on proving how tough and manly they are, or completely out of touch with their emotions and the emotions of others, or have no interest in looking at what they can do to improve themselves and interact with others better, or thinking about the mutual benefits of a long-term relationship.

Looking at the things you mentioned, like empathy, loyalty, considerateness, willingness to invest in a long-term relationship, the "grass is always greener" mentality, young men aren't too concerned with those things, yea I think those things are rarer than we might hope for. I do think technology does play a role in this, because it encourages disconnection and makes it seem like there is always something better and we can live in our own little world. But it's like very few men want to look at themselves and ask "what can do to be better person or improve myself?" or "is my behavior anti-social in some way"? It's like what happened to genuine self confidence in men without being a complete a-hole? Why has that become so rare?

Anyways, just start in affair with these guys at work, that will spice up your life a bit.

Thank you everyone for your responses and keeping it somewhat civil. I will try to reply to some of these:No, I have absolutely no intention of starting an affair or dating an older guy. I would highly prefer to date someone in my age range (oldest I'd be willing to go is maybe 5-6 years) for a number of reasons. Besides, a lot of these older guys are married and I respect that they are loyal. I have absolutely no intention of even trying to break up a marriage and I prefer to keep our working relationship purely professional because I don't want to jeopardize my career.

That is exactly what I said in the OP, I do not want to judge pre-maturely for these reasons. However, what I do know about them is that many of them settled down by their late 20s and have been devoted fathers and empathetic people in general. I find that this seems more rare in millennials.

I agree with you completely here on this part, and you have hit the nail on the head with this post.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Any suggestions on where/how to find guys who DO have some of the positive qualities described here?

Nope. You have it wrong. I'm gen x and we were just as immature at that age. I think you need to go back to a generation that fought in Korea or WW2 to find men who were actually men in their early 20s. It's not really the people; it's the circumstances. Grow up in the depression or have to fight in a war - I think that naturally burns off a lot of the immaturity and foolishness.

I don't think you're being unfair at all... but you should know that you'll likely be waiting a long time to find a partner if you're looking for a breed of man that is not terribly common. I speak from experience here, I spent my entire 20's looking for a woman who was mature and had her life together, it took me until I was 29 to find someone that met the sort of criteria you're describing, and I dated a lot of duds in the process.

My advice is to enjoy your 20's, date around and have some fun while you're looking for someone who's worth your time, just don't settle for a relationship that isn't going anywhere. Eventually if you focus on developing yourself and your career the right person will likely enter your life and you'll finally have what you're looking for; just be prepared for it to potentially take a long time.

Comparison to others.

I'm thinking you perhaps deep down desire a more mature man, a real man with a dad bod and a thick, uncut package, complete with juicy, hairy plums, who knows how to use it and give a gal like you just what you're missing.

Well join the queue love coz ain't we all!

Good to hear. Do you have any suggestions on where to find these types of guys?