Been in long relationship and still not married. Feel uneasy about it.

I agree with those who think it's a bad idea, but here are a few things to think about:

1. Trust ... Ask her if she's swap phones with you. Even just for 30 minutes. You can go through each others texts, emails, etc.

2. Monetary ... IF you want to go ahead with the proposal, get a prenup no matter how much you make or what your assets are. Don't spend a lot on a ring. Don't spend a lot on a wedding. Don't buy a house together. Go crazy for the honeymoon if you want, because you're paying for something you will enjoy.

3. Don't have kids.

4. Emotional ... Decide ahead of time what your personal criteria are for ending the marriage. Be prepared to end it if necessary. Think about whether it would be worse to give it a shot and fail or whether it's better to not take the risk.

Get out of there, like five years ago. I didn't have the cheating but had some other similarities. Only about a three year relationship, but dating the mentally ill is no joke.

The 12 rule wrote:

Getting married will not change anything except the size of your bank account FOREVER!!

The money & hook is why she wants to get married.

If you do, things will get much worse, very quickly.

johnlewisrun wrote:

Her reaction was never good. She pretty much shamed me for still being upset over things in the past...and accusing me of using her (which isn't even logical).

She's hiding the way that she is from you, which comes out at such times.

Her inability to take responsibility for her actions, means she is still the same that she was, and will keep doing the same things over and over for the rest of her life.

johnlewisrun wrote:

I feel bad too...it's not fair to her that we have been together for 7 years and still not engaged. Even with the cheating, it's not fair.

joedirt wrote:

If you have been in the relationship for seven years and have no intent on marrying her, that is unfair to her

Wtf, I don't get this reasoning. (1) If the relationship is not beneficial for both people, then end it now.

(2) If she's not happy with the way the relationship is, then that's a huge red flag to end the relationship now.

joedirt wrote:

Truth be told, you can be happily married to about 1 in every 6 people.

Well then, try one of the other 5 people.

It's never easy, but if you are feeling uneasy about this, it's not right to go through with it. Imagine being at the wedding and having a sick feeling that you are doing something wrong...that's not a fun wedding.

Leaving a long relationship is just hard though. People who have been together for a long period of time care for each other...even at very bad times. When you have spent a good portion of your life living with someone or having your daily routine involving one certain person, it's never easy to simply end it.

Talk to her...be honest...maybe go talk to a therapist a couple of times. I'm sure after that, the result will be to end the relationship. I don't think for a second her reaction is going to be calm and understanding. That will probably help answer this for you.

Good luck friend.

Sorry, I'm not able to read the many replies given so far, so forgive me if I've repeated anything already shared.

If this is a troll post, then well played sir.

Else, I see a lot of red flags in your original message that boil down to cheating, drinking, guilt, things going mostly OK the last two years. I think you're in a classic case of not seeing the forest through the trees. Lots of women will stay in a relationship past it's time because they are wired to be in "any" relationship by societal pressures, etc. Or there's an "investment" mentality that after "X" years, the guy will propose. You sound like you are experiencing a sense in inertia, obligation or guilt along the lines of "We've been dating 7 years, so I guess I should propose." That's my 2 cents.

You need some objective input from someone close to you (and her) to give you some guidance about continuing in the relationship or changing gears: Family, close friends, a counselor.