26. Marathons are very difficult and only the most elite athletes participate in these endeavors. At the expo the night before you need to buy everything you can that has the race logo stamped on it. Hats, jackets, singlets, t-shirts, posters for your wall... buy it ALL, wear it to all your training runs with your friends.
24. Extra Shoes
The marathon is a long race. 26 miles is way past the normal usage of an everyday running shoe. The foam gets compressed around 15-16 miles for your average shoe. This causes you to have 10+ miles of running with little to no cushion!
Leave three extra pairs of shoes at 6, 12, and 18 miles. Change out to keep your souls springy. You'll thank yourself!
27. Pick out your tattoo design well before the race. It's a good ideal to go ahead and actually get the tattoo inked on your skin. You can add your finishing time the day after the marathon.
28. Run With RC Jason
I will pace you for your next 'thon and guarantee you the finish time you desire! I offer 6 hour, 5 hour 30 minute, and 5 hour options, all very affordable. $2500, plus expenses: 'thon registration, airfare, hotel, and 18 Gu Roctane Cherry Lime gels so I can get through the experience. I promise you a happy run; I'll be smiling the entire way.
28. Don't thank the volunteers. They are getting paid to be there for you.
rcjason wrote:
27. Pick out your tattoo design well before the race. It's a good ideal to go ahead and actually get the tattoo inked on your skin. You can add your finishing time the day after the marathon.
This is a marathon, only 26 tips are required. You should have numbered this as the final tip, 26.2.
29. Share Your Experience With Others
As soon as possible after the race -- preferably while that finishers medal is still hanging proudly around your neck -- go to letsrun.com to discus how great you did and offer your newfound expert advice to the running masses. But don't be a moran and post under an unregistered name.
Remember a marathon is just 26 one mile runs done consecutively easy enough for any malnourished Kenyan to do so why not an overweight American Snowflake.
This is not a tip just an observation. MAGA
Don't forget to act fatigued as you approach the finish line. Running for 5 hours is hard even though you have been running 30 mph. Just make sure there is a "hero" near by that can carry you the last 100m to that cool participation medal.
30. Grab an extra cool participation medal for your spouse. Running 30 mpw takes up a lot of time and you should be grateful for them putting up with you spending all that time training.
31. Dress Like It's 30 Degrees Cooler
One mistake you can't afford to make is to be cold during the race. Runners often underestimate how cold they will feel once they start moving and the air moves past their body resulting in convective heat transfer. Sweat evaporation only compounds the overcooling problem. It has been scientifically proven that muscles work better and energy is burned more efficiently when you are warm. This is why runners warm-up before a race and cool down after. To take maximum advantage of the warming principle, dress like it's at least 30 degrees cooler than it actually is. Arm warmers, beanies, gloves, tights, jackets -- preferably a Boston jacket to show that you are a boss -- are all must. You may feel hot during the race, but that is normal and you should not remove any layers until you have crossed the finish line and it's time to cool down.
Stay tuned for more tips.
C. Stop at the halfway point, cordon off a small, improvised "dance floor", and perform a traditional Maori interpretive dance. If done properly, this will take more than 2 hours. (You can pause your Garmin during this time, so those 2 hours will not "count".)
Also, if by some chance there are some actual Maori tribesmen running in the race, they may actually join you in the dance. And you will have made some cool new friends!
Winning!
28. 'thong
It's called a 'thon because that's short for "thong." People who wear shorts or tights over their thongs are amateur hobbyjoggers. Don't be an amateur. Show the world your 'thong!
rcjasan wrote:
7. Take a selfie at the start of the race. Bonus if you can sprint out and take a selfie infront of the leaders
= idiot
7. Juggle while you're running. Something. Anything.
Everyone will think you're super cool. You'll even get bigger cheers from the crowd than the skinny Kenyan dude at the front who's churning out a 2:02.
29. Sh!t yourself
Don't stop at the porta potty as it will waste valuable time. Like Elsa says, Let it go!
29. Bring Your Cell Phone
A marathon can take a long time, up to 4 hours or more especially if you're Oprah Winfrey. Don't let yourself get stuck out there without your phone. Whether it's to listen to your marathon playlist to get you through "the wall" at mile 22, to take a selfie at all the Cheer Zones, or to make an emergency call for help if you get lost miles from home and you're fresh out of nutrition because you already ate your Snickers bar, pez, and 9th (and final) GU, you're gonna need your phone. Think about it, you have your phone with you all the time, why leave it at home during THE BIGGEST RACE OF YOUR LIFE????!!!
Make sure you bring your phone. You can either carry it on a super reinforced armband so it won't slip off while you are pumping out 9 minute miles, or, in your anus.
More lifesaving tips are on the way!
ru rcjason? wrote:
7. Juggle while you're running. Something. Anything.
Everyone will think you're super cool. You'll even get bigger cheers from the crowd than the skinny Kenyan dude at the front who's churning out a 2:02.
Troof.
8. Find out if they allow RV's on the actual race course. If so, enlist some friends to provide "support" in a rented RV. Put a GPS tracker on the RV and have it ready and waiting at the mile 1 marker. When no one's looking, hop in! Have a nice air conditioned ride down the race route. Result: World Record! Winner: You!
so naive.
welcome to LR. we eat little sh*ts like you for breakfast.