Yep I did wrote:
suddle
great googly moogly.
Yep I did wrote:
suddle
great googly moogly.
All of the responses are really appreciated. This may be one of the more legitimately productive/constructive threads on letsrun. I feel way more sane after reading these responses. It has felt like a shock the past few years after being surrounded by teammates every day, to basically being on my own. Also, the other benefit in college was daily exposure to girls in the same chapter as myself.
The shock of going from having teammates to being on your own in the real world is a common experience.
I got married in my early 30s mainly because it was a long term relationship, wasn't gonna end any time soon, and I wanted to have kids some day.
It works. Got a kid. I'm fairly happy and content with life.
"The one" was never really a thing that happened and I'm not really convinced it even exists. What I feel for my kid absolutely dwarves what I feel or have felt for anyone else ever by a whole lot. Go kids.
underpants gnomes wrote:
real alpha male wrote:You have received some bad advice here.
Right now you are lonely and you want that special relationship. That's OK many of us were there. I was there and thought I wouldn't get out.
I found the perfect amazing girl that I married. This will happen to you but you need to
1) make sure you are meeting and enjoying many people.
2) do things that are fun to you.
3) a happier guy is always more attractive.
DON"T SETTLE!
Obviously "real alpha male" is under age 30. He's not wrong for that age range, but has not a clue about marriage. I suggest he and you read my original post.
Actually I am much older than 30. You don't pick who you fall in love with. Hopefully your inner values and needs will lead you to fall in love with a person that is good for you.
I think it would be a very sad thing
to marry someone that you weren't head over heels in love with.
ps my handle was meant as a bit of satire toward some of the posters here
Lets check back in 5 years, and without drugs.
ehhitworks wrote:
I got married in my early 30s mainly because it was a long term relationship, wasn't gonna end any time soon, and I wanted to have kids some day.
It works. Got a kid. I'm fairly happy and content with life.
"The one" was never really a thing that happened and I'm not really convinced it even exists. What I feel for my kid absolutely dwarves what I feel or have felt for anyone else ever by a whole lot. Go kids.
My situation mirrors this. I dated a fair bit in college and then shortly after college met someone I liked quite a bit more than any of the others. The timing seemed right, so we got married. Looking back on this 13yrs later, I needed someone different than what I [thought I] wanted at the time. I'm just a completely different person at 38 than I was at 25. Anyhow, we have an 'ok' marriage and I love my kids very much. No interest in a divorce as neither dating nor being away from my kids interests me. I am an introvert and not likely to ever find 'the one' in any case.
So...I'm 25. Never expected to find a the one type thing. Might as well marry any girl who gives me enough sex and follows my lead, right?
Just went through the whole FWB situation with the intention of being purely sexual, and then it started become something more...worst decision. It made me feel worse about not being with someone who really makes me excited to purely spend time with.
Now, I will say in conclusion to that I believe it is near impossible to get into an FWB type situation with frequent hook ups without one party developing feelings.
I thought my most recent girlfriend, breakup occurred in August, was "the one" but we were clearly headed in different directions with different life desires.
Surprise! wrote:
Omnipotent One wrote:Thanks for all the great insight guys! I agree about the reference to who you meet in college. In the south, a lot of the attraction for girls at larger public schools is "which frat is this guy in?". That sounds stupid, but social superiority goes a long way with girls in college. Certain frats at the big SEC schools carry a certain measure of higher social status. Sadly, a lot of the very attractive girls marry that guy from college at a young age, but past the attraction to their social status, many of the guys have nothing going for them, intellectually or physically. Not even that enjoyable of people to be around. Most of the guys in my family joined frats, and their friends in them were pretty unpleasant to be around.
What do the women have going for them?
Less than you'd think.
I married for one lame reason: so that one day I could post on LetsRun in a thread about marrying for some lame reason.
Omnipotent One wrote:
Just went through the whole FWB situation with the intention of being purely sexual, and then it started become something more...worst decision. It made me feel worse about not being with someone who really makes me excited to purely spend time with.
Now, I will say in conclusion to that I believe it is near impossible to get into an FWB type situation with frequent hook ups without one party developing feelings.
I thought my most recent girlfriend, breakup occurred in August, was "the one" but we were clearly headed in different directions with different life desires.
I never really tried a FWB thing, and I've never found it matters what label you try, relationships only progress in one direction until they don't. Maybe I'm a sucker.
Got married for immigration reasons. Still happily married decades later. Probably a better reason than love.
Some of the posts here make me realize how lucky I was to find someone I truly loved.
For the record I don't think there is only one person for you, there probably are a number of people that you potentially have this with. So keep ;looking.
I decided early -- very early, like high-school early -- not to settle. Over the course of 30+ years of adulthood I met many great women but only one woman who totally checked all my boxes, even ones I didn't know I had. Unfortunately for me, though she liked me fine, she was otherwise indifferent to me. My loss.
So I never bothered. I'd rather be alone than be with someone I wasn't crazy about. I'm old enough now to know that's how it will end up. I'm OK with that. I've found I'm too accustomed to the freedom of it to change now. I don't regret it.
Don't settle and don't get married unless you find the one, especially if you want to start a family. I can't imagine not being married to my best friend.
all settled now wrote:
I decided early -- very early, like high-school early -- not to settle. Over the course of 30+ years of adulthood I met many great women but only one woman who totally checked all my boxes, even ones I didn't know I had. Unfortunately for me, though she liked me fine, she was otherwise indifferent to me. My loss.
So I never bothered. I'd rather be alone than be with someone I wasn't crazy about. I'm old enough now to know that's how it will end up. I'm OK with that. I've found I'm too accustomed to the freedom of it to change now. I don't regret it.
wasn't one of your boxes - she loves and cares for me very much
It didn't work out with "the one", so no marriage for me. I've been head over heels a couple of times. Once I knew wouldn't work, but the first was the love of a lifetime. We met freshman year of college. She turned me on physically and mentally -- and we were extremely compatible in terms of activities, interests, music, humor. We dated several months (best time of my college experience), maintained a friendship until graduation. By the time she was certain I was the one, too, I wasn't ready. I was dating someone else and was deep into the bottle. I couldn't trust myself at that moment, and frankly was a bit afraid I'd mess up her life or not provide in a way that I knew she expected, which is probably accurate. My head wasn't clear, or maybe it was just clear enough to make a prudent decision for us both at that time. I got completely sober a couple of years later and am going on 20. I like kids and that will probably never happen, but I had several awesome months with a wonderful woman and that's better to me than muddling through some relationship in which I'm not emotionally invested (I've had a few of those). After you've had skyrockets it's hard to settle for emergency candles. Anyway, the "one" is a wonderful mother living a good life. I'm happy for her. It worked out like it needed to in order to be best for her, which wasn't easy on either of us in the initial short-term. But life gave me a gift of meeting her and knowing her well, and I'll always be thankful. Sappy - yes. Don't care. Truth.
I appreciate the insight on this thread. I am 28, almost 29, and really have zero desire to be married any time soon with anyone. I had one semi-serious relationship a few years ago, and it ended very badly. In general, I find most girls/women my age and younger to be very annoying, but I don't want kids any time soon, so dating a woman in her 30s isn't really going to work out either. I'm young and fit enough I can get sex pretty much any time I want it, so for the time being, there's no reason to get married. I'm trying to focus on self growth, my career, etc, so that I'm in a better position 5 years from now when I may decide it's time to find a wife... Truth is, I can't really see myself being happy living the typical family lifestyle. I know I want a kid or two, but I don't think I really want a long term wife. Seems that nature really didn't design men well for family living.
Myfirstsappypost wrote:
It didn't work out with "the one", so no marriage for me. I've been head over heels a couple of times. Once I knew wouldn't work, but the first was the love of a lifetime. We met freshman year of college. She turned me on physically and mentally -- and we were extremely compatible in terms of activities, interests, music, humor. We dated several months (best time of my college experience), maintained a friendship until graduation. By the time she was certain I was the one, too, I wasn't ready. I was dating someone else and was deep into the bottle. I couldn't trust myself at that moment, and frankly was a bit afraid I'd mess up her life or not provide in a way that I knew she expected, which is probably accurate. My head wasn't clear, or maybe it was just clear enough to make a prudent decision for us both at that time. I got completely sober a couple of years later and am going on 20. I like kids and that will probably never happen, but I had several awesome months with a wonderful woman and that's better to me than muddling through some relationship in which I'm not emotionally invested (I've had a few of those). After you've had skyrockets it's hard to settle for emergency candles. Anyway, the "one" is a wonderful mother living a good life. I'm happy for her. It worked out like it needed to in order to be best for her, which wasn't easy on either of us in the initial short-term. But life gave me a gift of meeting her and knowing her well, and I'll always be thankful. Sappy - yes. Don't care. Truth.
I didn't find your post sappy.
I met "the one" when we were seniors in college. We spent about 3 months together and it was amazing. Then I went east to grad school and she stayed west. We drifted apart; both got married. Over the next 40 years I thought about her often but never made any attempt to find her. It was the same for her.
After 3 marriages, I decided to look for her. It wasn't hard to find her. She was in an abusive marriage and within a year shed her second husband and came east to live with me.
We've been together 13 years now. We're both happier than we ever have been.
Bottom line is that sometimes "the one" from the past really was the one, but it can take a long time to realize that.
So if this is sappy, I too don't care.