Who on here married someone that was mainly just to get married because they felt obligated as they had gotten older

I'm going to be stupid and assume you're not trolling. Love is a fickle thing, and as you get older, it changes. That sense of mortal longing ("soulmates") that I felt in my 20's with someone has been replaced with someone who's older and wiser that I would have never met in my 20's because I was a jerk.

Marriage when you're younger is odd. I've seen people get married because they can't figure out how to break up. And the race to get married leads to tunnel vision. The bigger the wedding, the bigger the divorce.

Find someone interesting even if there's no initial chemistry. Date smarter women than you. Read as much as you run and grow your mind. Then one day when you don't expect it that you'll find someone lovely in your life that you want to grow old with.

Your first marriage should be about finding a good genetic match to have fast kids.

I am not trolling...this has come up in conversation frequently with friends in the past few months. Thanks for the insight. I'm only 3 years removed from college graduation, and after competing at a high level from high through the end of college, my passion for running just isn't the same. Psychologically, all those years of competing have taken their toll, and I more just run to stay in shape on a daily basis. This is a bizarre chapter of life. I don't have many true passions at this point, but I still love this sport, just more of a fan perspective. I wouldn't mind being involved with youth coaching outside of my career.

Unlike college and high school, I don't have a close knit team around me so I think that pushes me further in the direction of "why am I not seriously involved with someone?" The whole friends with benefits thing doesn't feel the same as it did in college, and makes me feel worse about myself after.

A pretty accurate description. I was very late to the dating scene in general, did not have a really serious relationship till past 30, then had a relationship with a person who I thought was my ideal end very badly. By the time I came out of that one I was almost 40, I'm still with the person I married and don't have a lot of regrets, but yes, the description fits.

Passion will run its course. Find someone who you feel comfortable with, who you can have easy conversations with, who makes you laugh, and who you like to hang out with. When I got married the first time, I married the hottie who could smoke the sheets. It started out very hot and then cooled off. You spend more time outside of bed than in it and it got to the point where we didn't have a single word to say to each other. We got divorced after 3 years. The second time I got married I married a girl who I thought was kind of cool, who was smart, and who I just liked...at first. What started out lukewarm began to heat up. The more I knew her, the more I liked her. Once we finally had sex, I knew she was the one. And we've been married 17 years.

I would estimate that a significant number of marriages are done for this reason. People just do what's expected of them, because it's comfortable and most of us don't want to stand out and risk being labeled weird. The older I get, the more I see this as true, and there is a reason that people we think are weird and unique are the ones that become stars.

Although we did not discuss marriage, I almost moved in and committed to someone for the long run because it was a practical decision at that point in our lives. But we broke up instead, because we didn't feel that we were serious enough about each other to make it work.

Really, I think if you are going to commit to someone, you should be excited about it, not reluctant. Otherwise, you're just committing to misery or delaying the inevitable.

Omnipotent One wrote:

Who on here didn't marry the person they thought was "the one"? Someone who was easy to get along with, very tolerable but just not the person that really made you excited or romantically excited about? I'm getting to the age where friends are getting married, and somewhat worried that girl may have passed. That or I may just not meet another girl that makes me feel romantically enthused about. Considering this board is pretty anonymous, I'd love some honest answers or insight.

I got married because I felt it would slow me down and change me. I am now miserable, I love my kids but I'm miserable.

As I got older and realized that this was it, there is no heaven or after life or anything of that nature, I wanted to spend the last 20 years or so of my life experiences the most quality experiences of my life.

I was very happily married for 17 years before my wife dies from brain cancer.

I found out that there is no better feeling in this world than the indescribable attraction between two people in love...nothing.

Love is more fun, than a 10 mile run.

3 years after my wife died, I found out that another lady that I was on a running team with 25 years ago was now available.

I went after her from the first telephone call and much to my shock, she was receptive...a little.

Its touch and go right now, but there is no better or intense feeling than the attraction between lovers.

Difficult, complex, moods, everything..not just the physical stuff.

Nothing like it....

I'll go after it till the day I dieWhich aint far off.

The more people you meet, the more the odds increase you'll find somebody you like. I had a friend who had soured on dating a bit. He's a statistics guy. I pointed him to an article about a guy who made online dating a statistical hobby of his and it took the guy like 3000 connections before he dated a girl longterm. My buddy started online dating and was just shy of 300 connections before he met his now wife.

Any decent person should do a fair amount of introspection, but eventually it's about meeting enough people to find good matches.

It's not surprising that many young marriages fail. It's somewhat absurd to think that you should even take a lifetime partner out of the first 10 or so people willing to talk to you in high school or college. Life isn't a Victorian novel where only two suitable people live in your village. This is a more connected world with probably thousands of decent matches for you if you make an ounce of effort.

Omnipotent One wrote:

I am not trolling...this has come up in conversation frequently with friends in the past few months. Thanks for the insight. I'm only 3 years removed from college graduation, and after competing at a high level from high through the end of college, my passion for running just isn't the same. Psychologically, all those years of competing have taken their toll, and I more just run to stay in shape on a daily basis. This is a bizarre chapter of life.

You're only 3 years removed from college? Dude...you are nowhere near the point of needing to settle. Do the things you enjoy and chances are you'll find someone with similar interests that you enjoy spending time with. And if not and you're 43 then you can start looking for someone to settle with.

Thanks for all the great insight guys! I agree about the reference to who you meet in college. In the south, a lot of the attraction for girls at larger public schools is "which frat is this guy in?". That sounds stupid, but social superiority goes a long way with girls in college. Certain frats at the big SEC schools carry a certain measure of higher social status. Sadly, a lot of the very attractive girls marry that guy from college at a young age, but past the attraction to their social status, many of the guys have nothing going for them, intellectually or physically. Not even that enjoyable of people to be around. Most of the guys in my family joined frats, and their friends in them were pretty unpleasant to be around.

Assuming the OP is a guy. I'm a guy. I don't know the rules for women.

#1: Before age 30 you are not the person you will become. Don't even think about marriage until then.

#2: Marry the smartest woman you can get. Believe me the smartest women at age 25-35 are the hottest looking women after age 40 (yes I'm shallow and I like sex)

#3: Profit (and live happily ever after)

The Op's scenario fits me perfectly. Dated the same person for 6 years, got into my mid 30s and proposed primarily because of pressure, not so suddle hints, etc. I've been married 8 years now and I can't say I regret it, just that I could take it or leave it, which is exactly how I felt before I got​ married.

I was in plenty of relationships where I knew it wasn't right and wasn't working out and I never had that feeling with the person I married.

Yep I did wrote:

The Op's scenario fits me perfectly. Dated the same person for 6 years, got into my mid 30s and proposed primarily because of pressure, not so suddle hints, etc. I've been married 8 years now and I can't say I regret it, just that I could take it or leave it, which is exactly how I felt before I got​ married.

I was in plenty of relationships where I knew it wasn't right and wasn't working out and I never had that feeling with the person I married.

Suddle? Your significant other wants a take-back.

I was in a small University class where we were all friends with the prof when he got engaged, at the age of 40. He told us that no man should ever get married before that age, because men are all way too immature before then.

Personally from what I've seen, the younger people are when they get married, the more miserable they are.

So, don't be in a rush.

You have received some bad advice here.

Right now you are lonely and you want that special relationship. That's OK many of us were there. I was there and thought I wouldn't get out.

I found the perfect amazing girl that I married. This will happen to you but you need to

1) make sure you are meeting and enjoying many people.

2) do things that are fun to you.

3) a happier guy is always more attractive.

DON"T SETTLE!

Don't rush. DO NOT RUSH.

You may feel like you're getting old now but 20 years from now you'll look back and laugh at the idea that you were worried about anything that has to do with being married.

I had the same thoughts as you. Now I look back and wish I'd have relaxed, done my own thing and not let societal pressures get to me. It would have saved me a divorce. No question about that.

Everyone is different but in my own opinion nobody should get married in their 20's unless they've been with the person for multiple years and are genuinely thrilled. Then you would be a idiot not to do it.

real alpha male wrote:

You have received some bad advice here.

Right now you are lonely and you want that special relationship. That's OK many of us were there. I was there and thought I wouldn't get out.

I found the perfect amazing girl that I married. This will happen to you but you need to

1) make sure you are meeting and enjoying many people.

2) do things that are fun to you.

3) a happier guy is always more attractive.

DON"T SETTLE!

Obviously "real alpha male" is under age 30. He's not wrong for that age range, but has not a clue about marriage. I suggest he and you read my original post.

Omnipotent One wrote:

Thanks for all the great insight guys! I agree about the reference to who you meet in college. In the south, a lot of the attraction for girls at larger public schools is "which frat is this guy in?". That sounds stupid, but social superiority goes a long way with girls in college. Certain frats at the big SEC schools carry a certain measure of higher social status. Sadly, a lot of the very attractive girls marry that guy from college at a young age, but past the attraction to their social status, many of the guys have nothing going for them, intellectually or physically. Not even that enjoyable of people to be around. Most of the guys in my family joined frats, and their friends in them were pretty unpleasant to be around.

What do the women have going for them?