What's more detrimental to your running? Unsupportive spouse or high stress job?

Spouse without question. Sneak some runs in at lunch hour I guess OP

Also sneak a run in afterwork but before you come home

What she doesn't see didn't happen!

Definitely spouse unless you're pulling 70+ hour weeks at work. It's a way to let off steam from a stressful job.

Tonight I picked up child from daycare. I warmed up dinner. I did all the dishes. I put child to sleep. The wife helped here and there but I was the primary actor for all this. I went running *after* both her and the kiddo were asleep and still I got shit for it because I tend to sleep in on weekends in order to catch up.

Apparently 2 hours alone with the kid on Saturday mornings is too much for her to deal with. Fak.

Maybe you can tell her that running is an activity that is healthy, as opposed to drugs or gambling etc., and remind her that it will keep you young and fit so that you can love her for as long as possible. You can try explaining to her that not only is running fine for you, it's a way to relieve the stress from your job and you don't feel good if you don't run.

A really good friend of mine was married to a guy who did not support her as a runner; she used to get up at 4:30 every morning to get her run in before he woke up. It worked for a while.... but they're divorced now.

This sounds like pre-announcing ones pending divorce thread

My wife finally came around after I told her that I'm basically having a mid life crisis and I regret not running in college and I want to see how fast I can get and at 33, I can't waste any time

She got a gym membership, so she can go workout when she wants, but she really used to give me some shit

Canada girls' agree-er wrote:

This sounds like pre-announcing ones pending divorce thread

Yep.

Canada girls' agree-er wrote:

This sounds like pre-announcing ones pending divorce thread

I will stroll back in for occasional updates...

biogen wrote:

Definitely spouse unless you're pulling 70+ hour weeks at work. It's a way to let off steam from a stressful job.

Tonight I picked up child from daycare. I warmed up dinner. I did all the dishes. I put child to sleep. The wife helped here and there but I was the primary actor for all this. I went running *after* both her and the kiddo were asleep and still I got shit for it because I tend to sleep in on weekends in order to catch up.

Apparently 2 hours alone with the kid on Saturday mornings is too much for her to deal with. Fak.

Sounds like a great mother, putting a kid in daycare.

Clearly the unsupportive spouse, running can be a great stress release.

other running related topic wrote:

My wife hates that I run. "why do you do these races? Is it for fitness? How long are you going to do this for? I don't get it."

Later, "You're going running again? Didn't you run yesterday? You're not planning on running everyday? Don't you think you've run enough? You know you have the wrong priorities.".

I don't even run that much. 50mpw at the most. Nothing compared to most runners I know.

How do you answer these questions? I told her about Ed Whitlock racing at 70-80s. I said I'm not planning on doing that, but I do it because I like it.

Coupled with this, I have a high stress job. My solution so far is to run when I can.

Are you a supportive husband? And does she think you are a supportive husband? Maybe she sees you as selfish and taking time to train at 50 mpw is just one manifestation. Or maybe she's being selfish.

Daycare is an important part of a child's development as it allows them to interact with other kids their age, building much needed social skills. Your seeming lack of daycare experience explains why you're the most autistic poster on these boards.

John Utah wrote:

biogen wrote:

Definitely spouse unless you're pulling 70+ hour weeks at work. It's a way to let off steam from a stressful job.

Tonight I picked up child from daycare. I warmed up dinner. I did all the dishes. I put child to sleep. The wife helped here and there but I was the primary actor for all this. I went running *after* both her and the kiddo were asleep and still I got shit for it because I tend to sleep in on weekends in order to catch up.

Apparently 2 hours alone with the kid on Saturday mornings is too much for her to deal with. Fak.

Sounds like a great mother, putting a kid in daycare.

Dude, sorry to hear your situation. Maybe you could tell her that you are having an affair, not going for a run?

I try to get a bunch of training in before the family is up, but my wife is awesome. She only gets mildly fed up with my training towards the end of Ironman build ups. I told her once how much I appreciate her supporting my training and climbing trips. She responded that she married me for doing things, she cannot now be mad for the same thing. So what is detrimental to my running is liking to eat too much and not aging well like Mr Whitlock did.

what do I know? wrote:

Dude, sorry to hear your situation. Maybe you could tell her that you are having an affair, not going for a run?

I try to get a bunch of training in before the family is up, but my wife is awesome. She only gets mildly fed up with my training towards the end of Ironman build ups. I told her once how much I appreciate her supporting my training and climbing trips. She responded that she married me for doing things, she cannot now be mad for the same thing. So what is detrimental to my running is liking to eat too much and not aging well like Mr Whitlock did.

^This is my approach as well. OP, sorry to hear about your situation--that sucks. I have a pretty high stress job but I think an unsupportive wife would be worse than the stress from work.

I get up at 4 am on weekdays and 5 am on weekends to get my training in. Most of the time (~90%) my wife is supportive (she is not a runner) and my running has motivated her to workout. We have small kids--and I work a lot--so I try and be when the kids are up as much as possible. I also try and give my wife a break from the kids whenever I can. She seems to appreciate that a lot.

OP, does your wife have any hobbies? Is there a way you can support her in those activities?

You are a man!

You can do whatever you wish, no need for support from anyone.

DayCareGreatCare wrote:

Daycare is an important part of a child's development as it allows them to interact with other kids their age, building much needed social skills. Your seeming lack of daycare experience explains why you're the most autistic poster on these boards.

John Utah wrote:

Sounds like a great mother, putting a kid in daycare.

That is probably one of the most ignorant statements I've ever read. Seriously.

I suppose you think smoking is good for you too?

I don't know, maybe you are just trolling.

So far I've only seen 1 or 2 constructive comments on this thread. Try to have an organized, constructive talk with her about it. Be open to the fact that she might see (correctly or not) your running hobby as symptomatic of something else--some imbalances in the relationship, maybe insecurity on her part, or any number of things really.

Work out a training schedule with her that she can agree with and make sure she knows you (a) will uphold your responsibilities in the household/family; and (b) will spend quality time with her too. The quotes you provided lead me to believe that she doesn't know much about how training works. Maybe you haven't it explained to her adequately. Maybe your training schedule looks or actually IS too erratic for her to see a logic behind it.

I think that there is much good that can come out of an organized discussion with your wife. Maybe your training will become more systematic and efficient. Maybe your goals will be more clearly defined (even if this is just "be fit until I'm in my 70s"). Maybe you will come to realize you have been neglecting something in the relationship, and this will help you be better. Maybe you will decide that 50mpw is not reasonable given all of your responsibilities, and e.g. instead you can periodize your training for a few goal races per year. Lots of possible solutions to this perceived crisis that are not as dire as most people here assume.

"Sounds like a great mother, putting a kid in daycare."

Lol sounds like somebody grew up next to their retired parents or didn't have to work full time. Very convenient for you.

very nice wrote:

"Sounds like a great mother, putting a kid in daycare."

Lol sounds like somebody grew up next to their retired parents or didn't have to work full time. Very convenient for you.

What if we replace the word "daycare" with the word "preschool"? Does that make it acceptable?