So I met DFF. I was at a crowded nightclub where women were swooning all over my rock hard biceps, plus they loved the fact that I am liberal. I was making good progress with a pair of smoke show models and their dance instructor, we were going to their place for a hot tub when things got a little rowdy. A sniveling run of a man with a MAGA hat and swaztika tats was on his second or third Coors lite and had clearly exceeded his limit.
Things escalated quickly as some of the patrons began to mix it up on their own accord. Then this DFF character was being escorted out of the bar by the waitress who had a firm grasp of his earlobe. He was squealing like a puppy dog who had been hit by a car, it was a horrible racket.
But when he swung wildly and backhanded her, that was too much. The crowd erupted into a scuffle, and DFF tried to sneak away. However, I felt like he needed a good talking to so I grabbed his shoulders and shoved him to the back of the bar and into the bathroom. Since I was already excited by the possibility of the two models and their dance instructor, and pissed that I was missing out on this opportunity, I started to really scold him. He weakly swung at me a couple of times, it was like an 8-year-old boy trying to hit an NFL lineman. After playing patty cake for a little while he tried to kick me in the groin, but I was used to this so I grabbed him in a reverse standing choke hold until he calmed down.
He started blubbering about not being able to get any dates, that this wasn't fair because Trump was MAGA, and that he posted on Letsrun as an outlet for his puerile frustrations. I was starting to feel sorry for him, but he then pulled out a pocket knife and attempted to stick me. So I grabbed his wrist and twisted, while he howled in pain.
"Stop being such a baby" I said. "You're the baby! Hillary-Obama waah-waah-waah. MAGA MAGA!" he shrieked back unintelligibly like a dying rodent. Now as an MMA fighter I have very large thighs, and since I also body build I also oil them up. "Do these thighs look childish to you, DFF?"
I could see the alarm in his eyes, and since I was already in a heightened sense of anticipation, I felt a throbbing blue veiner coming on. When I told him to vote for Hillary Clinton or else, he kept struggling. So I realized that DFF was unsalvagable and really needed to be taught a deep lesson. So I yanked down his trousers, and plundered him. At first he whimpered but then he eventually started to moan ecstatically. By the time the manager had walked in on us I had taken him to new heights.
This is why he is so enraged now, and for that I am sorry. He's just confused, that's all.
