All right, enough with this drivel; let's get down to business here. Outlined below are my top 5 predictions for this Saturdays BIG RACE. All questions can be sent to PO Box NIST, Clayton, GA .
1. Richard MF Cummings III
Kid's got loads of talent (ran 3:59 off 15 miles, 3 Bud Diesels, and two pairs of wool socks a week) and my associate in Albany tells me he has been putting in some serious Rocky-esque workouts in a local mechanic's garage (e.g. holding his breath for over 3 min. submerged in hot motor oil, punching through glass windows, bending crowbars, etc.). Let's just hope the absolute lack of Blue Collar ethics at Colgate doesn't throw him off his game too badly.
2. Chris "Big J" "The Big Guy" "Buggerski" "Tinman" Johnson
Age is more than just a number, and Chris can certainly attest to that. He have definitely witnessed the senescence of this star over the past few years, but lets hope that old bag of bones makes it around the track 8 more times. God rest his soul.
3. Nick "I hate Stefan" Harper
This guy can do roll-ons in his sleep, and that's exactly what he has been doing. Due to a busy schedule of leadership, integrity, hanging-loose, and frozen yogurt, Nick has no time in the day to train, but his body is so trained to doing roll-ons, he can hit the Boston cobblestones for several rounds of 300 on 100 off while his brain snoozes for the night. Needless to say, the guy is FIT.
4. Edward Sheridan nÃ©e Sheridan
Despite entering into the soon-to-be married life, Ed is still an absolute grinder. If this race starts off slow, stays consistent through the middle, and cruises in toward the finish, Ed's lack of leg speed should be a factor.
5. Tim "Tin Felt" Phelps
Real man, sperm potent, firm handshake
Mobin goes home DEVASTATED