Been building for a couple of years now but I think I'm at the end of the line. Fight constantly with my wife. I've found she has become very selfish and I don't think I can trust her. I don't think she's cheating but not sure I would care if she did. If it were just us it would be easy but I have two boys I adore and don't want to leave. But I'm exhausted. Any advice?
Can I save my marriage?
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So you think she is selfish and untrustworthy. What would she say about you?
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Pics of the wife are needed. This will help tremendously to determine whose side we should take.
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LB1 wrote:
So you think she is selfish and untrustworthy. What would she say about you?
Probably that I am inflexible and over critical at times. Not saying I am perfect. Just trying to see how others get through rough patches and how they make it work if they are miserable at times. -
On the ropes wrote:
LB1 wrote:
So you think she is selfish and untrustworthy. What would she say about you?
Probably that I am inflexible and over critical at times. Not saying I am perfect.
Start by not being an intolerant prick. Gradually (baby steps) become tolerant, accepting, kind, affectionate and loving.
Basically, become human and your marriage might have a chance. -
Nudes needed wrote:
Pics of the wife are needed. This will help tremendously to determine whose side we should take.
x2. The marriage is irreperable, over, done but save a night of newly unbound divorcee passion for me! -
There is absolutely no point in being married nowadays. Sorry you had to find out the hard way, but yes, you should get a divorce. Your boys will understand when they are older. Proceed carefully though because she will likely try to take more than her fair share, and the court will likely grant it.
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All hands meeting wrote:
Start by not being an intolerant prick. Gradually (baby steps) become tolerant, accepting, kind, affectionate and loving.
Basically, become human and your marriage might have a chance.
Wow, you are so insightful. You must be divorced. -
8bal wrote:
There is absolutely no point in being married nowadays.
Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Marriage is crucial to establishing a stable household if you want to have a family. If you don't care about that, then sure, don't get married. But don't pretend like it doesn't influence your family's life.
Spare me the anecdotal stories of successful single-parent families or unmarried parents. I know it's possible. But you give your family the best probability of success by marrying. -
On the ropes wrote:
Been building for a couple of years now but I think I'm at the end of the line. Fight constantly with my wife. I've found she has become very selfish and I don't think I can trust her. I don't think she's cheating but not sure I would care if she did. If it were just us it would be easy but I have two boys I adore and don't want to leave. But I'm exhausted. Any advice?
Fight for your marriage. Your boys deserve it. Please don't fall for the 'you need to be happy first' bull crap that is peddled now.
Talk to your wife. Go to counseling. Swallow your pride and be nice to her even though you don't feel like it.
Having your kids part time sucks. Not being able to celebrate the milestones with your boy's mother sucks.
Don't listen to most of the narcissistic runner-boys on this site who wouldn't know the first thing about being a real man. -
Fight for it wrote:
On the ropes wrote:
Been building for a couple of years now but I think I'm at the end of the line. Fight constantly with my wife. I've found she has become very selfish and I don't think I can trust her. I don't think she's cheating but not sure I would care if she did. If it were just us it would be easy but I have two boys I adore and don't want to leave. But I'm exhausted. Any advice?
Fight for your marriage. Your boys deserve it. Please don't fall for the 'you need to be happy first' bull crap that is peddled now.
Talk to your wife. Go to counseling. Swallow your pride and be nice to her even though you don't feel like it.
Having your kids part time sucks. Not being able to celebrate the milestones with your boy's mother sucks.
Don't listen to most of the narcissistic runner-boys on this site who wouldn't know the first thing about being a real man.
Thanks, fight. It's hard for me to imagine a life without my boys full time. It would be hard on everyone. I don't want my boys to grow up without a dad fulltime but marriage is really, really tough and I wonder how others make it through. I'm very caring but when it comes to communicating with my wife I have a hard time biting my lip and am not good at swallowing pride. -
A lot of callous responses to a sincere post. I've noticed quite a few of these threads in the past month -- must be a stressful time of year. My marriage has had a ton of ups and downs lately. OP, I love my kids too (ages 1 and 3) and couldn't imagine my life without them. I think things get the worst for me when I stop communicating and start swallowing my feelings. They just end up boiling over at inappropriate times anyway. Sometimes it really helps to take some amount of time, no matter how small, to spend with my wife at the end of the day, just the two of us (this can even be sitting watching a tv show). This small act brings us a little closer.
But I'll echo that marriage is really difficult, and I have no good answers for you. Hang in there. -
goodluck wrote:
A lot of callous responses to a sincere post. I've noticed quite a few of these threads in the past month -- must be a stressful time of year. My marriage has had a ton of ups and downs lately. OP, I love my kids too (ages 1 and 3) and couldn't imagine my life without them. I think things get the worst for me when I stop communicating and start swallowing my feelings. They just end up boiling over at inappropriate times anyway. Sometimes it really helps to take some amount of time, no matter how small, to spend with my wife at the end of the day, just the two of us (this can even be sitting watching a tv show). This small act brings us a little closer.
But I'll echo that marriage is really difficult, and I have no good answers for you. Hang in there.
You're right you don't have "good answers" or a clue and "Hang in there" could be the worst advice ever for him, FFS, how would you know?, you don't know him or his wife, situation, etc.
You're on an anonymous running website where you don't even have to register that's full of trolls and you come out with a comment "A lot of callous responses to a sincere post.", err yeah, hello. If you or he want sincerity go to a registered forum, organization, whatever, that deals in that sort of stuff.
"I've noticed quite a few of these threads in the past month" - and bet you think they're all genuine? -
OP get a divorce. You only live once. You should never accept being miserable as your fate. If you do you'll turn into a corpse and spend the rest of your life waiting to be buried. You can still play a big role in your kid's lives even if you don't see them everyday.
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What are her PR's?
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Hello dumbo. wrote:
You're right you don't have "good answers" or a clue and "Hang in there" could be the worst advice ever for him, FFS, how would you know?, you don't know him or his wife, situation, etc.
You're on an anonymous running website where you don't even have to register that's full of trolls and you come out with a comment "A lot of callous responses to a sincere post.", err yeah, hello. If you or he want sincerity go to a registered forum, organization, whatever, that deals in that sort of stuff.
"I've noticed quite a few of these threads in the past month" - and bet you think they're all genuine?
U mad bro? My use of "hang in there" certainly does not mean "stay in your marriage." I'm just trying to offer some words of support to the OP, who is clearly struggling. And although LR is full of anonymous twats, this type of thread usually elicits more sincerity than others. -
I've been married 26 years and have two kids 16 and 22. Believe me there were quite a few times when I pretty much hated my husband's guts and I'm sure he hated mine also. We hung on and worked on things, probably only because of the kids and I'm glad we did. Now that the kids are older and don't suck the life out of us like they did when they were younger, my husband and I can enjoy being together again. Acknowledge your contribution to the problems you are having and get through this rocky time.
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goodluck wrote:
A lot of callous responses to a sincere post. I've noticed quite a few of these threads in the past month -- must be a stressful time of year. My marriage has had a ton of ups and downs lately. OP, I love my kids too (ages 1 and 3) and couldn't imagine my life without them. I think things get the worst for me when I stop communicating and start swallowing my feelings. They just end up boiling over at inappropriate times anyway. Sometimes it really helps to take some amount of time, no matter how small, to spend with my wife at the end of the day, just the two of us (this can even be sitting watching a tv show). This small act brings us a little closer.
But I'll echo that marriage is really difficult, and I have no good answers for you. Hang in there.
Thanks for the encouragement -
On the ropes wrote:
LB1 wrote:
So you think she is selfish and untrustworthy. What would she say about you?
Probably that I am inflexible and over critical at times. Not saying I am perfect. Just trying to see how others get through rough patches and how they make it work if they are miserable at times.
Seek therapy both separately and together.
/Thread -
ladylala wrote:
I've been married 26 years and have two kids 16 and 22. Believe me there were quite a few times when I pretty much hated my husband's guts and I'm sure he hated mine also. We hung on and worked on things, probably only because of the kids and I'm glad we did. Now that the kids are older and don't suck the life out of us like they did when they were younger, my husband and I can enjoy being together again. Acknowledge your contribution to the problems you are having and get through this rocky time.
Thank you. Yes, kids are a stress factor. So are two working spouses. And needy in-laws don't help. At the end of the day can be hard to focus on the marriage. We've made it 10 years hopefully more. I'd consider counseling but not sure it's worth the time and money. Happy you made it through.
