Dear Letsrun,
Here’s the situation. I have been dating my girlfriend for four years. I am 28 and am finishing up a graduate degree. I’m currently job-hunting all over the country, and this is putting pressure on us to either break up or make a more serious commitment (e.g. move in together, probably head towards engagement). I am really torn on what to do and, in desperation, am turning to Letsrun. But you folks have given me good advice before, so I’m hopeful. A few more details below.
She is objectively a catch—intelligent, kind, very stable, attractive, high-earner. Part of me thinks it would be crazy to break up with her. We could have a solid and comfortable marriage, which seems a lot better than most couples in my parents’ generation. Moreover, her ancestry is the same as mine, which is important to my parents (though not to me).
But on the other hand, I just don’t feel like we click that well. It’s not that we fight—more that if we go out to dinner, we don’t typically have good conversation. We only really talk about what's going on with people we know or whatever Trump just tweeted. Our interests don’t overlap very much, and we haven’t made a lot of progress towards bridging that gap over the past four years. Outside of pretty unobjectionable stuff like hiking or going to a movie, I’m not that excited to do things with her. Things that make her laugh don’t make me laugh, and vice versa. We’re just pretty different.
I am leaning towards breaking up with her. It seems crazy to marry someone who I am typing these things about. But I’ve never been married, so what the hell do I know? Maybe the big check boxes that she meets are what matters in the long run. Married folks, am I paying attention to all the wrong things? Or am I right to be thinking that it’s best to cut things off?