Hereâ€™s the situation. I have been dating my girlfriend for four years. I am 28 and am finishing up a graduate degree. Iâ€™m currently job-hunting all over the country, and this is putting pressure on us to either break up or make a more serious commitment (e.g. move in together, probably head towards engagement). I am really torn on what to do and, in desperation, am turning to Letsrun. But you folks have given me good advice before, so Iâ€™m hopeful. A few more details below.
She is objectively a catchâ€”intelligent, kind, very stable, attractive, high-earner. Part of me thinks it would be crazy to break up with her. We could have a solid and comfortable marriage, which seems a lot better than most couples in my parentsâ€™ generation. Moreover, her ancestry is the same as mine, which is important to my parents (though not to me).
But on the other hand, I just donâ€™t feel like we click that well. Itâ€™s not that we fightâ€”more that if we go out to dinner, we donâ€™t typically have good conversation. We only really talk about what's going on with people we know or whatever Trump just tweeted. Our interests donâ€™t overlap very much, and we havenâ€™t made a lot of progress towards bridging that gap over the past four years. Outside of pretty unobjectionable stuff like hiking or going to a movie, Iâ€™m not that excited to do things with her. Things that make her laugh donâ€™t make me laugh, and vice versa. Weâ€™re just pretty different.
I am leaning towards breaking up with her. It seems crazy to marry someone who I am typing these things about. But Iâ€™ve never been married, so what the hell do I know? Maybe the big check boxes that she meets are what matters in the long run. Married folks, am I paying attention to all the wrong things? Or am I right to be thinking that itâ€™s best to cut things off?