Girlfriend is difficult and flaky. Should I leave her?

You can't leave a job until you have another in hand.

Having said that, assuming you're not trolling... then get over it. If you're expecting perfection, then both of you are falling short of expectations.

Dejected wrote:

Relationships are supposed to be a two way street. Three years is perplexing. Fifty would be even more. To echo the last poster this is calling for the end of an era. Moving on is going to be hard.

50>3. Thanks for explaining that to us.

How old are you? You are the one that seems needy. If you have dated 3 years, perhaps she expects a marriage proposal. You seem like you expect her to change her plans when you decide to drive a WHOLE 35 miles. Lol.. I commute further than that every day just to get to work.

So what, she forgot she had other plans with her family. Big deal. Why didn't you buy a ticket to whatever event it was and go with her? Meet up with them after the event? Sounds like you were too busy sulking and feeling sorry for yourself. Not attractive qualities.

Others here are right. I've had good relationships and also ones that should have ended earlier, but didn't know it at the time. This sounds like one of those

I think the other posters are right in saying if there is something going on like this and you really want to stay together and make it work then yeah, talk about it with her.

However, if she leaves you feeling this way more often than not, I'd break up with her. After breaking it off with a girl I was engaged to (which was hard, trust me), I became much more cognizant of behaviors that would ultimately lead to a bad scenarios / incompatible ways of life in the future which would in essence be a waste of time and life.

To that, I began to have a much lower threshold of when to stop seeing a girl as soon as I saw anything that might resemble a red flag. Even very minor things.

This has ultimately helped lead me into a very positive and healthy relationship. I don't think I'd be here without being in a bad situation, realizing it was bad, ending it and then promising to never get near a situation like that again.

I'd end it with her. There are others who are better fit for you and considerate.

YES! leave her, there are many, many others were she came from!

Dejected wrote:

I drove approximately 35 miles to see her tonight. When I got there she told me she forgot that she committed to do something with her siblings that night. They went to a game. Tickets were bought well in advance by another sibling and she actually went with her family. They went out to some places together afterward and called it a night. Just exclusively them.

Like another poster said, if you've been together three years kind of strange you are not considered part of the family and that she would do this. Some people who have been together as long as you have, have already gotten married! Many receive pressure to get married and many others have already lived together. I take it you two have not lived together and or currently not living together, given that you traveled 35 miles and got shafted by her family.

That's a serious red flag

It seems to me that this is a bad reason to break up with someone. You might be taking her for granted. People make mistakes. like another poster said, get over it. Just because it hurt your feelings doesn't mean its terrible, examine your own feelings and learn to let go. You probably do things that annoy her that she is too nice to bring up. If she is cheating on you, or you no longer connect well together, then leave. But dont break up with someone bc you got blown off a couple times for family reasons. She could have a problem with letting people down, and feels its hard to tell you that she can't hang out bc it would hurt your feelings. Some people can't say no and then end up over committed.

benman92 wrote:

It seems to me that this is a bad reason to break up with someone. You might be taking her for granted. People make mistakes. like another poster said, get over it. Just because it hurt your feelings doesn't mean its terrible, examine your own feelings and learn to let go. You probably do things that annoy her that she is too nice to bring up. If she is cheating on you, or you no longer connect well together, then leave. But dont break up with someone bc you got blown off a couple times for family reasons. She could have a problem with letting people down, and feels its hard to tell you that she can't hang out bc it would hurt your feelings. Some people can't say no and then end up over committed.

Some people can't say no and end up in miserable marriages. Everything you attributed to her is a sign of immaturity and/or rudeness. Either way she's EX girlfriend material.

Dejected wrote:

She doesnt do stuff like this all the time but it does happen probably 5 times per year. I was excited to see her tonight and just feel really let down again.

Things to consider:

Does each time that things get called off involve her having to do things with her family? Is there something about her family dynamic which means you are not welcomed by the siblings? Is she not wanting to deal with an issue with her family and it is easier for her to exclude you than confront it?

Its not supposed to suck! !!!

Does she have a hot sister you could try out for a while?

If you are not a troll, I have a suggestion for you and everyone else out there. If you are coming to this site to ask if you should dump someone, dump them immediately. A question on a message board indicates the relationship has no hope. Don't be a pu$$y, dump her and find another one.

Ok, it sounds like you only live 35 miles apart, yet you make it sound like you hardly see each other. Because of a 35 mile drive? What is it on a dirt road? How long does it take?

Or are you coming every other day and occasionally she's made other plans - which she forgets about?

I know couples who drive hours to see each other several times a week. 35 miles is not much.

Questionn wrote:

Things to consider:

Does each time that things get called off involve her having to do things with her family? Is there something about her family dynamic which means you are not welcomed by the siblings? Is she not wanting to deal with an issue with her family and it is easier for her to exclude you than confront it?

Yes. You nailed it in that first question and contextually close enough the follow ups. I wasn't able to connect the dots on my own.

Some people come from tightly knit, picture perfect families. This is one of those dynamics that takes it to an extreme. It is the norm for them to have closed off immediate family member only time without any significant others of the adult children. Sunday dinners. Birthdays. It may sound unheard of but well into their 20s all of the adult children still manage to go on week long family vacations with their parents every year just like when they were kids. In the past this has made the holiday season extra difficult. Last year wasn't terrible but definitely the year before when they were gone for two weeks from the end of December to almost mid-January. Group photos and family cake parties all over facebook the whole time. I've outlasted several rounds of the siblings' relationship changes. I'd imagine their exes maybe felt a similar strain on their needs too.

Saturday night was kind of the same thing in principle but siblings only.

Are you intending to spend the rest of your life with this woman? If not, you're just delaying the inevitable.

Any girl I've dated would lose their mind if I pulled this on them. On that note, any girl would. Why should they expect

a different result?

Leave her, or call her out to see if she wants to fix it. This can only get much worse.

If you've been together three years, you should be able to sit down and have a mature conversation about it. Explain how you're feeling. Go from there. If her family has this closed dynamic (and you know about it) tell her you would like to be included. Don't make any rash decisions.

First things first: There is no such thing as the perfect girl. Everyone has their limitations (including you), and you should never assume there is a PERFECT female out there waiting for you. No one is perfect.

With that in mind, you should always know this: Your feelings are legit. Never ask anyone whether or not you should be feeling the way you feel. There is no right answer in matters of the heart, and maybe some people would say you're wrong to feel that way. But the truth is, you feel how you feel, and never apologize for that.

An earlier poster said you should tell her how you feel and pay attention as to whether she empathizes with you. I pretty much agree with that. Tell her how you feel and be serious about it. Don't act apologetic, but at the same time, don't put her down or try to make her feel shitty about it. If she seems dismissive, or acts like your feelings aren't important- THAT's a problem. A serious problem. She needs to know you don't appreciate being treated that way, whether she thinks it's a big deal or not. Also, if she acts sorry, and then goes and treats you like that again later, that's a big problem too.

This is just me, but if she 1) acts like your feelings aren't important and/or tries to make excuses, and/or 2) does this again, after you were crystal clear as to you how she made you feel, I would dump her. Again, THAT'S JUST ME. Ultimately, you have to make your own decision as far as what YOU think is right and whether she is worth it. But always know, your feelings are LEGIT, no matter what anyone thinks. Stand up for your feelings. Otherwise, you're just delaying life, and you'll very likely run into even bigger problems down the road with this girl. Trust me man, I know from experience.

While no one is perfect, there are also billions of people in this world. If you ever make a decision to leave her, DO IT and move on. Don't half ass it.

Good luck.

Dude Duderson wrote:

Where is she on Barney Stinson's Crazy/Hot Scale?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo0F6mX9JIw

Nice link