Girlfriend is difficult and flaky. Should I leave her?

Did you call before you started the 35 minute drive to confirm plans? Is there sexual activity in your relationship?

fkif wrote:

Did you call before you started the 35 minute drive to confirm plans? Is there sexual activity in your relationship?

Yeah I told her I was on my way. There is still sexual activity when we get together.

Social media or text pics at the game with her family... Or she's cheating on you.

Three years and you are not considered one of the family?

Who knows whether you should leave her or not. Answer that for yourself after you cool off from this disappointment.

Now it happens 5 times a year. Soon it happens every week.

Hit it once more and kick her to the curb. She's inconsiderate at best and rude, and probably cheating, at worst. Also, as someone mentioned, if she hasn't insisted that you be included as part of the family after 3 years she doesn't envision a future that includes you.

Donger wrote:

Social media or text pics at the game with her family... Or she's cheating on you.

No cheating. Everything is verified that what she said actually happened. It is totally not other dudes. I just really dont like how or why this happened.

Needy women (typically without a real father figure growing up) tend to tell a partner excessively that they miss them/can't wait to see them, like you said. A lot of the times this is a sign of greater difficulties, and perhaps she is cheating on you and wants to sound as if you're the only and most important thing to "justify" her cheating. Living away from you certainly opens the door for her cheating. You may be her number one and she loves you, but that's also her neediness talking. Her cheating is her untamed mind talking. And she can't even respect you enough to follow through with important plans. Women with respect issues are not dateable. Well, they are if you want a divorce or breakup. Dump her. You deserve a lot better.

You're in the best position to determine whether she's blowing you off because she takes you for granted or if she's just flaky. It's very difficult for us to determine that with the limited information provided, but that's an important distinction to make.

If this characteristic is just a part of her personality, and you observe her doing the same thing to other people and forgetting other obligations, then it's something that you will have to make peace with if you want to continue to be with her. Some people are just like that.

But if you find that her flakiness shows a general lack of respect for your time and that she does not care about your feelings, then it may be a legitimate problem. It is totally understandable that you would feel dejected in the circumstance you experienced, and I would hope that she would at the very least have expressed how sorry she was about putting you in that situation. If she didn't seem to care, then it may be time to reconsider your relationship.

Where is she on Barney Stinson's Crazy/Hot Scale?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo0F6mX9JIw

Stick it in her pooper. Her response should let you know what you do next.

I thought you had to be over 13 to use the internet.

I'd hold on to her. Chances are it will take you 12 months to find another girlfriend. If you are willing to spend that time alone, then go for it.

Hoogletitaman wrote:

Needy women (typically without a real father figure growing up) tend to tell a partner excessively that they miss them/can't wait to see them, like you said. A lot of the times this is a sign of greater difficulties, and perhaps she is cheating on you and wants to sound as if you're the only and most important thing to "justify" her cheating. Living away from you certainly opens the door for her cheating. You may be her number one and she loves you, but that's also her neediness talking. Her cheating is her untamed mind talking. And she can't even respect you enough to follow through with important plans. Women with respect issues are not dateable. Well, they are if you want a divorce or breakup. Dump her. You deserve a lot better.

I appreciate the tone of your response. I am 110% sure she is not cheating. That's not the issue at hand at all.

The issue at hand is the flaking which I consider utter disregard for my time, energy and feelings. I can admit that yesterday bothered me a lot. It made me lose my appetite. Trying not to think about it and keep myself busy today but it's a dark cloud overhead.

I haven't responded to her today. She knows she did some damage but I think she only knows she did some damage because I won't talk to her. However that doesn't imply she understands what she did wrong. Firing "I love you" and "I'm sorry" my way is too much of a desperate move on her part to regain a supply of attention. That's sort of what I see through the hourglass at the moment. It's not genuine. It's the pull factor in a push-pull. Yesterday was the push. I care about this person but based on her actions it's just hard to stomach (literally) that she cares about me the way she ought to. I deserve better.

Relationships are supposed to be a two way street. Three years is perplexing. Fifty would be even more. To echo the last poster this is calling for the end of an era. Moving on is going to be hard.

I am not going to yell at her because realistically that won't get me anywhere. I'll say a bunch of mean things and then feel bad for it. I also don't want to be a doormat. I want to be rational in my next moves. I have elected a no contact for at least 24 if not 48 hours or more to think things through before I confront her. I may not drag this out and confront her on this one single issue. I might rather just make a clean exit to make sure I don't feel this way again because that's really all I can control. She's not going to change. I can't make her change. Things obviously aren't working out. At least not the way I had envisioned. This was a wake up call.

"Do I have the right to feel rotten?" WTF do you even mean by that?

You sound, excuse me, a little immature and somewhat pathetic. If you had good self esteem, you'd end the relationship, explain to her why, and move on with your life. It always baffles me that people are willing to put up with being treated like s@#$. By your question I'd have thought that you were 15, but you say you're old enough to drive. Are you old enough - and wise enough - to know when you are not in a good relationship? Doesn't sound like it.

At best, she has terrible life skills. (Managing expectations, her own schedule, general organization)

It doesn't get better, so it is over.

There are too many worst case scenarios.

Oh man.....

Double standards.

Here's the thing. If you treated her this way i.e. she arranged to meet with you and drove 35 miles to see you and you just said, "oh shoot, I'm goin to the game tonight, you're not coming".

Well, she'd be extremely pissed to say the least.

Tell her that she hurt you and that you wouldn't' treat her that way. Gauge her response carefully. If she empathises with you, then great, if not, don't put up with being treated like last Christmas' forgotten puppy.