Snooped through gf phone

Red piller wrote:

Trust me, trying to be her gal pal like you suggest is a great way to get her to think about him as a loser to be stepped on.

Nowhere did I imply that. You seem to relate to people with a winner/loser paradigm. It will get you laid from people making bad choices. I guess that's a plus.

OP needs to run on pure hate. And Russia. This is always the right answer.

You are better off not having the conversation and dumping her. In the event you intend to marry her, realize that life has a lot of downs. You will be reminded of this incident or suspicion at the worst of times.

The advice I would give is that you should make up your mind what you intend to do with the information before you look thru her phone. If you intend to do nothing, then your are better off not snooping.

It would be a mistake to confront her. She will deny it. Even if she admits to it, you are likely to walk away with a promise that she will not do it again ... in between tears. From this experience, she will walk away with the confidence that she can do it again. Certainly, she will.

It is research time. If you approach her now she will destroy all the other evidence and start to form stories she can use to talk her way out. You need to keep your secret until you have completed your investigation. You need to look at everything. New phone, email, facebook, etc.. Depending on how good you are with tech you might be able to dig stuff up. If you suck there is still a chance she messed up and forgot to delete something. Get to work kid. Keep record of everything you find.

Hopefully you find nothing. If so then you just straight up ask her if she cheated when you were first dating. Yes, stay with her. No, run away. (I am assuming you want to stay because otherwise you would already be gone.)

Ugh no. Why bother. He already knows what he needs to know. Either he digs up a bunch of dirt and dumps her or he finds nothing else and never knows if there was more but she got rid of the evidence. If he confronts her, she will deny and try to reframe him as the jerk. This relationship is already toxic. Rinse and repeat on a healthier girl. Ditch her now.

Red piller wrote:

Ugh no. Why bother. He already knows what he needs to know. Either he digs up a bunch of dirt and dumps her or he finds nothing else and never knows if there was more but she got rid of the evidence. If he confronts her, she will deny and try to reframe him as the jerk. This relationship is already toxic. Rinse and repeat on a healthier girl. Ditch her now.

Yup. There is no going back. She cheated, you know it, accept it, dump her, move on. Never tell her you checked her phone, she doesn't deserve the truth anyway.

If you confront her, it just gets ugly and no matter what she says, you will either know or suspect she cheated on you, you can't fix that. It will tarnish everything from now on.

And, you can't realistically chose to just live with it, unless you decide she can cheat on you as many times as she likes for the rest of your life. Cheaters cheat. She'll do it again, or, at least you will always suspect she is.

Walk away. You don't open Pandora's box unless you're willing to deal with what you get. You got what you were looking for.

you screwed yourself wrote:

Walk away. You don't open Pandora's box unless you're willing to deal with what you get. You got what you were looking for.

Do you think it is better to just not know she was cheating? If that is the case you are forced to just assume ever girl will cheat but not care about it.

whmud wrote:

You are better off not having the conversation and dumping her.

Don't dump her, at least not yet!! We don't need the OP moving on, we need some details first. To me, it sounds like the Girl banged either the OP's arch nemesis or a very good friend. This story sounds interesting--who was it, Bad Boy Bobby or your Best Pal Johnny?

Red piller wrote:

Ugh no. Why bother. He already knows what he needs to know. Either he digs up a bunch of dirt and dumps her or he finds nothing else and never knows if there was more but she got rid of the evidence. If he confronts her, she will deny and try to reframe him as the jerk. This relationship is already toxic. Rinse and repeat on a healthier girl. Ditch her now.

Post like this show no consideration for the entertainment of the board as a whole. Disgusting.

mbox wrote:

Do you think it is better to just not know she was cheating? If that is the case you are forced to just assume ever girl will cheat but not care about it.

Not at all. He obviously looked for a reason. But my point is, if you are going to look, then be prepared to find the worst and deal with it. If he isn't prepared to dump her, then why look in the first place? As soon as he found out she cheated, it was over. Coming on here to ask was just weak and indicated he didn't really want to dump her. He needs to man the f up and walk away or spend the rest of his life feeling pathetic and miserable.

And after dating for 2 years - should a cell phone still be private anyway? What are you hiding after two years together, that's a bad sign all by itself. You should be able to look at your girlfriends phone (and her look at yours) without it being weird.

No wonder why she cheated... You're not even man enough to talk to her about your concerns. You're a mouse not a man

you screwed yourself wrote:

And after dating for 2 years - should a cell phone still be private anyway? What are you hiding after two years together, that's a bad sign all by itself. You should be able to look at your girlfriends phone (and her look at yours) without it being weird.

Could not agree more. Private after two years = cheater.

haha ok, i feel really stupid. I confronted my gf about it. The old messages were from me. She had a fake name for me in her phone because her ex used to check her phone and she hadn't changed it yet. She was actually pretty cool about the whole thing, but now she thinks I'm nuts for checking her old phone. Anyway. Thanks for the insights everyone.

If she had a boyfriend and was cheating on him with you, what makes you think she is not going to cheat on you too?

HelpARunnerOut wrote:

Attn: How or do i even confront my girlfriend? I made the classic mistake of looking through her old phone while she is away and found messages regarding a single instance of infidelity just a few months after we started dating. We have been together for almost two years now. LetRun ethicists, what should I do?

I can't imagine her old phone was lying around with some battery juice still left on it. Which means you weren't just idly looking through it but intentionally gave it a charge with the express purpose of snooping. That's pretty sleazy and probably criminal.

Trust me, that's been on my mind all night.

?? Of course I charged it up to snoop.

Nonsense wrote:

HelpARunnerOut wrote:

Attn: How or do i even confront my girlfriend? I made the classic mistake of looking through her old phone while she is away and found messages regarding a single instance of infidelity just a few months after we started dating. We have been together for almost two years now. LetRun ethicists, what should I do?

I can't imagine her old phone was lying around with some battery juice still left on it. Which means you weren't just idly looking through it but intentionally gave it a charge with the express purpose of snooping. That's pretty sleazy and probably criminal.

Hahaha what a brilliant twist. You were either a clueless idiot or this is in the top ten percentile of all trolls. Either way, nice work. If you're somehow actually telling the truth this is the best possible outcome.

I do have one question though. If she had to change your name in her phone to hide you from her ex then they were probably still dating, no? Anyone that cheats with you will cheat on you.

HelpARunnerOut wrote:

haha ok, i feel really stupid. I confronted my gf about it. The old messages were from me. She had a fake name for me in her phone because her ex used to check her phone and she hadn't changed it yet. She was actually pretty cool about the whole thing, but now she thinks I'm nuts for checking her old phone. Anyway. Thanks for the insights everyone.

Troll. There is no way those messages wouldn't have been familiar to you, since YOU were the one conversing with her.

4/10 since you got 4 pages before revealing yourself as a troll.

cheat meat wrote:

If she had a boyfriend and was cheating on him with you, what makes you think she is not going to cheat on you too?

Right answer.