Golden Time -
I don't think I was the subject of pity, but upper middle class people (and at my school, truly upper class people, too) look at the world entirely differently, and they simply had no idea of life at the bottom. I did find they gave condescending pity to minority students, which I found infuriating and demeaning, but I was not a minority, and instead was fairly socially ostracized - not in a malignant way, but in a way that was still palpable and real. I have no complaints, as in the end I received a great education, and lots of upper class people I met at university have not prospered or are not as happy as I am. Indeed, one astoundingly beautiful upper class woman who I really pined for unsuccessfully (the sister in law of a 28 minute 10k guy who I trained with) passed away from a fatal illness a decade ago, making it clear that every day on two feet must be appreciated. Events like that really brought home to me the difference between sorrow and depression (not depressed, as the cycles of life are just cards we have to deal with).
My point is that it is a lot easier to perceive life is what you make it and to not be too hard on ourselves in your mid-50's with lots of life events to support the development of wisdom than it is in your early 20's. We all need to be prepared to support young people when they need help - and I agree - not pity - but help (I take college students in to live for free and use my extra car for the summer - it gives them a leg up on finances for the next year of school, and permits them to prosper in an internship which is now important to their careers - and I don't expect any kudos for it - someone was helping me out too, when I needed it, and let's not kid ourselves, I benefit more from having young and vibrant minds around than the young people do - and I get the better end of the deal, by far).
This young man went to a wonderful high school. I looked at it for my daughters - fantastic students - but they went instead to the local public magnet which is considered by many as the best school in the country - I prefer public schools as I don't have the high class background of my spouse - but the Potomac School is a place for high achievers, and for families (generally) with money and privilege. The education is excellent, and I certainly can see why people who can send their children into that environment, but it starts the cycle of expectations, which, like all expectations, need to be balanced (at work, we refer to successes as winning the pie eating contest, only to be confronted by more pie the very next day). In the end, it is not about how smart you are, or how fast you are, it is, simply about being happy, as hard it that may be. And while no solace for the family, this young man's death has reminded me to be more than mentally tough, but also, to have compassion and humility. I think others can relate, especially here, where so many runners have used athletics to obtain a self of self and meet their goals.