Yale Runner Hale Ross Dies

Bigger thread was already started if you are curious:

http://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?thread=7821358

Yes I didnt see the other thread until I started this one here..I apologize for the repeat..

I talked to a few friends and teammates about for quite a while last night and the consensus seemed to be, "this could have been any of us at one time or another."

As someone who's battled depression and anxiety in college and out I know one of the scariest parts is feeling like you're totally on your own against the world. And for college students, particularly athletes, particularly males, the stigma associated with asking for help or expressing "weakness" can be very dangerous.

It's important to know that a) you're not alone in your community and b) that there are ways to get help and support and and talking about these stories when they happen is an important way to do that.

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serious matters wrote:

Run Doctor - I agree that the family and community needs some space and virtual privacy to grieve.

But let's not underestimate the pressures and stress that young people competing at the highest levels of academia and athletics endure. It is real, and it can alter the perspective and thinking of healthy, ambitious people.
In the long run, it is not helpful to avoid the issue (if it turns out that suicide did occur).

I went to a school of like academic quality (close enough) on athletic scholarship years ago. I was from a single mother background, very poor, which actually helped me because I had coping skills (i.e., the ability to be absolutely miserable and survive and be a relative social outcast as well) that the upper middle class kids often did not have. But make no mistake, nothing in my life, not even close, was as severe in terms of stress and pressure as my undergraduate experience. I did not know it at the time, and certainly could have used some adult perspective, finding out only later how much real stress and pressure I was under. I went to one of the top rated graduate schools, and performed at a level I could not have imagined, because, well, graduate school was easy, because all I had to do was study and somehow get three meals a day, and athletics at that point looked relatively trivial when seen in the rear view mirror. Throw in the typical late teen/early 20 social pressures, and heck, I don't think we put enough focus on just how vulnerable so many young people are - not weak, not fragile, not untalented, but vulnerable. And Yale (and my school) don't attract people from the ether - they are mostly Type A personalities, inclined to be tough on themselves, or they wouldn't be there. I have no qualms in saying that while I did indeed survive, my undergraduate days were very difficult and dark. I think what kept me together was the academic component - I was a poor kid and saw a wonderful world open up to me that never would have happened if not for the athletic scholarship - and really did understand just how privileged I was to sit in those classes. Again, it was an advantage coming from absolutely nothing, But let's get real about the problem. Didn't Penn lose a young runner a while ago? What a loss, leaving everyone around them thinking they could have done something. (In my case, someone did do something - a nurse treating me for a minor illness showed me caring beyond belief and really insisted I look out for myself - you never know how the people you touch can make a difference)

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chaserofsteeples wrote:


As someone who's battled depression and anxiety in college and out I know one of the scariest parts is feeling like you're totally on your own against the world. And for college students, particularly athletes, particularly males, the stigma associated with asking for help or expressing "weakness" can be very dangerous. .

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Often health insurance only covers a certain number of sessions per month that is far too few given how much help some people (myself at the time) need(ed)

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igurnmklfew wrote:

Often health insurance only covers a certain number of sessions per month that is far too few given how much help some people (myself at the time) need(ed)

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macdaddy wrote:

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igurnmklfew wrote:

Often health insurance only covers a certain number of sessions per month that is far too few given how much help some people (myself at the time) need(ed)

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While this is true (and ridiculously ridiculous), there are other possible routes for help. Most colleges offer free or reduced-price services for students. I saw a counselor at my school for 5$ per session (for the first 20 sessions), not a bad deal whatsoever.

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I hope the speculation that this thread has headed towards doesn't end up being true..I knew Hale while he was a high school runner..He showed himself many times to be a very kind and thoughtful person. When I heard this I found it to be deeply disturbing.How can this happen to a young man who went out of his way to show so much generosity..He would routinely engage other runners in his races .. Shaking hands and offering congratulations.. I still remember the last time I saw him at a indoor state championship meet where he told me he was going to Yale and how proud he was ..I saw him later talking with my son who just lost a very close race.. I could see he was trying to offer his support ..My family thought the world of Hale.. Not because of all his success for which he had plenty but for the way he showed his concern for others.. We will truely miss Hale

Golden Time -

I don't think I was the subject of pity, but upper middle class people (and at my school, truly upper class people, too) look at the world entirely differently, and they simply had no idea of life at the bottom. I did find they gave condescending pity to minority students, which I found infuriating and demeaning, but I was not a minority, and instead was fairly socially ostracized - not in a malignant way, but in a way that was still palpable and real. I have no complaints, as in the end I received a great education, and lots of upper class people I met at university have not prospered or are not as happy as I am. Indeed, one astoundingly beautiful upper class woman who I really pined for unsuccessfully (the sister in law of a 28 minute 10k guy who I trained with) passed away from a fatal illness a decade ago, making it clear that every day on two feet must be appreciated. Events like that really brought home to me the difference between sorrow and depression (not depressed, as the cycles of life are just cards we have to deal with).

My point is that it is a lot easier to perceive life is what you make it and to not be too hard on ourselves in your mid-50's with lots of life events to support the development of wisdom than it is in your early 20's. We all need to be prepared to support young people when they need help - and I agree - not pity - but help (I take college students in to live for free and use my extra car for the summer - it gives them a leg up on finances for the next year of school, and permits them to prosper in an internship which is now important to their careers - and I don't expect any kudos for it - someone was helping me out too, when I needed it, and let's not kid ourselves, I benefit more from having young and vibrant minds around than the young people do - and I get the better end of the deal, by far).

This young man went to a wonderful high school. I looked at it for my daughters - fantastic students - but they went instead to the local public magnet which is considered by many as the best school in the country - I prefer public schools as I don't have the high class background of my spouse - but the Potomac School is a place for high achievers, and for families (generally) with money and privilege. The education is excellent, and I certainly can see why people who can send their children into that environment, but it starts the cycle of expectations, which, like all expectations, need to be balanced (at work, we refer to successes as winning the pie eating contest, only to be confronted by more pie the very next day). In the end, it is not about how smart you are, or how fast you are, it is, simply about being happy, as hard it that may be. And while no solace for the family, this young man's death has reminded me to be more than mentally tough, but also, to have compassion and humility. I think others can relate, especially here, where so many runners have used athletics to obtain a self of self and meet their goals.

Saddened beyond belief by this news. I don't think it was suicide, I ran against Hale in high school and got to know him pretty well over the years, and he always seemed very happy and stable. We ran together once this past summer and he seemed excited and optimistic about the upcoming xc season and his future in general.

I am just going to ramble because I feel like I need to share my feelings about this somewhere:

2 summers ago he broke his pelvis in a freak accident and had to stay at home and in bed for the fall since he could barely move, but managed to claw his way back into the shape this season. I think he was pretty happy with the way his season was going, he told me he was happy with his performance at the HYP meet.

I can't articulate what an all-around awesome kid he was. He was a walk on at Yale, meaning that he was smart enough to get in off of grades alone, but never showed even the slightest bit of cockiness. And he managed to become one of the better xc runners there from what I have heard. I always remember him as being super humble, kind and levelheaded after races regardless of whether he won or lost (which was not the case with a lot of kids who I raced against, some would throw temper tantrums after a bad race and walk around with a puffed up chest after a good race). Things may have taken a turn for the worse at Yale for all I know, but the Hale I knew was always a happy go lucky kid who would be literally the last person to commit suicide.

I think he was seen as a role model on both his high school team, and at his school in general, since he was an excellent athlete and also really smart. He was the type of kid that would never dream of saying a mean thing about anyone.

Life is precious.

I met Hale a number times through a mutual friend. He was an incredible person who was easily one of the funniest and most kind people I ever met. His snapchat stories of his "boring ass econ class" were some of the funniest I've ever seen. Hale had an encyclopedic knowledge of funny movie quotes and could bust one out at any time, usually coming from Anchorman. He was obviously an extremely gifted and dedicated runner, overcoming a broken pelvis his freshman year to gain his 7th spot back on the team after a year off and to do well outdoors last year. There's nothing else to say really, this one hits really hard. RIP Hale.

My heart goes out to his family, his friends, his teammates and his coaches. Such a tragedy is far to common and not talked about enough. I don't care what article you read, what scientific evidence there is...unless you've gone through or have depression, you've got no idea what its like.

When I was in college during my early twenties, I was completely blindsided by my parents when they told me they were getting a divorce. A few days later, my girlfriend at the time decided she wanted to break up because the long distance thing wasn't working out. Then my grandmother died from accidental overdose...This was right in the middle of the cross country season. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and felt like I had no one to talk to. The pressure of academics and competing were not mixing well with the overwhelming feeling of depression I was going through and I was just down right not healthy. Suicide was nothing I ever considered at the time but I still felt trapped and alone. One of the hardest decisions I had to make was to take a hardship withdrawal from school. At the time, running felt like the only thing that was stable in my life and it was one of the few things that made me happy. Withdrawing from class meant I would lose my scholarship, lose my eligibility and I felt like I was going to let my coach and my teammates down. Retrospectively it was the best decision I could have made for myself. I stayed on campus, got therapy, and re-enrolled the following quarter. I never competed again in XC or track but I got involved in other clubs and met a whole new group of friends who I would have never had time for had I stuck it out. Therapy helped for sure and I was later diagnosed as bi-polar. It took a lot of time to figure out what that meant for me and how to manage it.

10 years later I look back and I'm happy that I took a step back, got help and re-focused my priorities. I still ponder what would've happened if I didn't "quit" running but its all trivial in the big scheme of things. I'm extremely happy with my life today.

I guess my point is that it's never too late to get help, put things in perspective and try and make decisions that put you back in the driver seat. It can be really hard to make that decision...you think you've lived your whole life to come to this point (athletics and academia) but none if it means sh*t if you're not happy.

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CycloneAlum wrote:

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Sad to see another wrote:

http://yaledailynews.com/blog/2016/10/31/community-mourns-hale-ross-18/

Likely a suicide. So sad to see another athlete pass like this.

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Did you read the article? What does "no foul play" mean to you?

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This is hard to comprehend and I feel for Hale's family and teammates. He sounds like a great person.

It does not make sense. I keep coming back to the thread looking for more information.

There are some hard topics being discussed on this thread. Important stuff.

This conversation will likely live on in search engine indices for years. I am nothing more than an old hobby jogger but my request/my suggestion, is to set up separate threads to discuss these important issues in a way that is not forever linked to an AMAZING young man. #CelebrateHale.

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CycloneAlum wrote:

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Sad to see another wrote:

http://yaledailynews.com/blog/2016/10/31/community-mourns-hale-ross-18/

Likely a suicide. So sad to see another athlete pass like this.

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Did you read the article? What does "no foul play" mean to you?

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Truly wonderful insights. Thank you for your wisdom. It pains to read it and the stories on this thread about how Hale was cherished. Bless him and his family.

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wejo wrote:

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Sad to see another wrote:

http://yaledailynews.com/blog/2016/10/31/community-mourns-hale-ross-18/

Likely a suicide. So sad to see another athlete pass like this.

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As a former Yale runner myself, this news hit harder than most even though I didn't know Hale.

The world lost a really smart, talented athletic young man, who more importantly was a friend, a teammate, a son and a brother, at way too young an age.

My thoughts and prayers are with Hale's family and his teammates at Yale.

I don't know the cause of death and didn't even want it to be discussed on here, but now think that is the wrong course to take. If Hale had lost a long battle with cancer then people would just be talking about all the great things in his life and what a tragedy it is. However, when the cause of death is not mentioned it does not make it even less a tragedy. If it is a suicide, it still tremendously tragic. And by not discussing it, are we making the situation worse for more kids in the future?

What if we actively discussed the cause of death (Whatever it is) and encouraged others to seek help?

I'm going to sleep but feel free to email me @ wejo@letsrun.com if I'm way off base of this. I don't want this thread to devolved into a suicide discussion so please email me. I don't really know what to say but am searching for the right way to handle this.

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