Dating someone seriously even though you both know it won't work out? Needing some input.

Manny Jack wrote:

I started dating a girl this summer, both of us having intentions for things to be very casual and light-hearted. I went through a very bad breakup with someone this past winter around the same time that my mother died, and I've been kind of an emotional wreck ever since. I really wanted to focus on my life goals for awhile and not get involved with anyone. She went through a divorce this past Spring, and she has three kids, two of which are under the age of 3. She said basically the same thing, that she has no desire to get into anything serious and just wants to focus on her kids and her life goals for awhile. Both of us were just looking to go out on a few dates to stay social; not really anything more.

However, we really hit it off right from the beginning. Things got pretty serious pretty quickly without either of us meaning for them to. We talked about our lives, the things we've gone through, etc, and we definitely have that "special connection" you only rarely have with another person. It freaked us both out, so we "broke up" after about a month, then we didn't talk for a month, and now we're talking again. I spent time with her twice in the last two weeks, and both times it felt extremely natural to be with her, like it's just meant to be or whatever, and I can say without a doubt my life is better with her being a part of it. BUT, our lives are very different and pointed in very different directions. There are MANY big factors that make a LTR pretty much impossible, some obvious ones being that she has three kids by two different guys who are still involved in the kids' lives, she doesn't want any more kids, I have none but want some eventually, and I'm planning on moving and going to grad school in a year or two and could never see myself staying here the rest of my life. Her entire family is here though, and she's very close with them, so she's not going anywhere.

Despite all the above, I'm considering being in relationship with her, going out once or twice a week (all her schedule allows), with both of us understanding it has a definite end at some point in the next year or two. I'm terrified of getting overly attached, but I also know these special relationships don't come along often, and she's honestly the best girl I've ever dated in my 29 years. I'm now an adult orphan, so I don't really have anyone else (I'm not close with my siblings), so it is very meaningful to me to have someone important in my life, someone I can talk to and share things with.

If anyone has thoughtful input, I would very much appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

Manny Jack wrote:

I started dating a girl this summer, both of us having intentions for things to be very casual and light-hearted. I went through a very bad breakup with someone this past winter around the same time that my mother died, and I've been kind of an emotional wreck ever since. I really wanted to focus on my life goals for awhile and not get involved with anyone. She went through a divorce this past Spring, and she has three kids, two of which are under the age of 3. She said basically the same thing, that she has no desire to get into anything serious and just wants to focus on her kids and her life goals for awhile. Both of us were just looking to go out on a few dates to stay social; not really anything more.

However, we really hit it off right from the beginning. Things got pretty serious pretty quickly without either of us meaning for them to. We talked about our lives, the things we've gone through, etc, and we definitely have that "special connection" you only rarely have with another person. It freaked us both out, so we "broke up" after about a month, then we didn't talk for a month, and now we're talking again. I spent time with her twice in the last two weeks, and both times it felt extremely natural to be with her, like it's just meant to be or whatever, and I can say without a doubt my life is better with her being a part of it. BUT, our lives are very different and pointed in very different directions. There are MANY big factors that make a LTR pretty much impossible, some obvious ones being that she has three kids by two different guys who are still involved in the kids' lives, she doesn't want any more kids, I have none but want some eventually, and I'm planning on moving and going to grad school in a year or two and could never see myself staying here the rest of my life. Her entire family is here though, and she's very close with them, so she's not going anywhere.

Think of life like a rubix cube. You can make so many turns of the cube and although sometime you almost have it perfect (every side one entire color) close does not count it's not perfect so you move on to where you're going until you can turn each side into its own seperate color.

Despite all the above, I'm considering being in relationship with her, going out once or twice a week (all her schedule allows), with both of us understanding it has a definite end at some point in the next year or two. I'm terrified of getting overly attached, but I also know these special relationships don't come along often, and she's honestly the best girl I've ever dated in my 29 years. I'm now an adult orphan, so I don't really have anyone else (I'm not close with my siblings), so it is very meaningful to me to have someone important in my life, someone I can talk to and share things with.

If anyone has thoughtful input, I would very much appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

Manny Jack wrote:

I started dating a girl this summer, both of us having intentions for things to be very casual and light-hearted. I went through a very bad breakup with someone this past winter around the same time that my mother died, and I've been kind of an emotional wreck ever since. I really wanted to focus on my life goals for awhile and not get involved with anyone. She went through a divorce this past Spring, and she has three kids, two of which are under the age of 3. She said basically the same thing, that she has no desire to get into anything serious and just wants to focus on her kids and her life goals for awhile. Both of us were just looking to go out on a few dates to stay social; not really anything more.

However, we really hit it off right from the beginning. Things got pretty serious pretty quickly without either of us meaning for them to. We talked about our lives, the things we've gone through, etc, and we definitely have that "special connection" you only rarely have with another person. It freaked us both out, so we "broke up" after about a month, then we didn't talk for a month, and now we're talking again. I spent time with her twice in the last two weeks, and both times it felt extremely natural to be with her, like it's just meant to be or whatever, and I can say without a doubt my life is better with her being a part of it. BUT, our lives are very different and pointed in very different directions. There are MANY big factors that make a LTR pretty much impossible, some obvious ones being that she has three kids by two different guys who are still involved in the kids' lives, she doesn't want any more kids, I have none but want some eventually, and I'm planning on moving and going to grad school in a year or two and could never see myself staying here the rest of my life. Her entire family is here though, and she's very close with them, so she's not going anywhere.

Despite all the above, I'm considering being in relationship with her, going out once or twice a week (all her schedule allows), with both of us understanding it has a definite end at some point in the next year or two. I'm terrified of getting overly attached, but I also know these special relationships don't come along often, and she's honestly the best girl I've ever dated in my 29 years. I'm now an adult orphan, so I don't really have anyone else (I'm not close with my siblings), so it is very meaningful to me to have someone important in my life, someone I can talk to and share things with.

If anyone has thoughtful input, I would very much appreciate it. Thank you in advance.