This is true!
Mr. Obvious wrote:
Getting divorced sucks! Actually being divorced is great. Hang in there. It gets better.
This is true!
Mr. Obvious wrote:
Getting divorced sucks! Actually being divorced is great. Hang in there. It gets better.
Divorce is awesome! Pays for my plush lifestyle.
Here Here wrote:
This is true!
Mr. Obvious wrote:Getting divorced sucks! Actually being divorced is great. Hang in there. It gets better.
+10
The one exception is if there are younger kids involved. Then it gets (can get) complicated.
This was VERY difficult for me. Several years later it still haunts me and my kids are now adults.
wejo wrote:
It's natural to reminisce. Remember that. Don't get mad at yourseld for doing it . Realize it is part of the process . Keep looking forward.
One foot in front of the other is a good analogy. Stay busy if you want to reminisce less.
Good luck.
I think this is good advice.
I got divorced after 19 years. She had been having affairs and just became (or probably always was and I did not see it) a really nasty person. It was a bit of a roller coaster as I went through the divorce. There were days I thought I was literally going to die. I felt like a hollow egg and anything could make me crack. I felt hollow. I felt like if I went to sleep I would never wake up. Then I would feel a bit better. When I was feeling better I would begin to think that I was on an upward path, only to go down again.
It really was a roller coaster ride, but generally the downs did not go down as far and the overall path trended up.
What I found helped was to stay busy. I worked a little more, I started to date a bit. I also began to work out more. If I had nothing to do, I went to the Y and ran on a treadmill.
I have been divorced for 8 years now, been in a relationship with same woman for 4 years. It still hurts because I hate that my family was blown up, and I wish I could fix everything, but I can't. It's not a pain that goes away, but it gets better.
Best of luck.
Get your mindset into cougar mode.
Here Here wrote:
This is true!
Mr. Obvious wrote:Getting divorced sucks! Actually being divorced is great. Hang in there. It gets better.
I really needed to see this thread.
I have been with my wife for almost three years. Married after about 1.5, against a lot of concerns from me at the time, but I wasn't in a great place then or when we met.
Now I can't believe what a bad match we can be and how badly I am treated. It has to end.
But there is so much social pressure to "work things out." I just know I need to get out before there is a kid involved.
:(
Trying 2 move forward wrote:
So I'm going through a divorce and realized this week would have been our 25th Anniversary and it totally sucks b/c I will be reminiscing....please LetsRun help me get through this week. I will be most grateful.ðŸ˜
As soon as you come to grips with the fact that your marriage was the actual mistake, it will be easier to move on. You'll carry the temporary burden of realizing that you wasted almost 25 years of your life, but eventually you'll be able to say "F**k it!" and look ahead to complete freedom and better times.
And since you're a woman, you'll be back in the saddle much more quickly than any man could ever hope for. All your female friends will flock to you for Girls' Nights Out, and - no matter what your physical appearance might be - all you have to do to get laid is walk into a bar and yell "Come and get it, boys!"
You have it made. Live your life and stop whining.
great thread timing wrote:
Here Here wrote:This is true!
I really needed to see this thread.
I have been with my wife for almost three years. Married after about 1.5, against a lot of concerns from me at the time, but I wasn't in a great place then or when we met.
Now I can't believe what a bad match we can be and how badly I am treated. It has to end.
But there is so much social pressure to "work things out." I just know I need to get out before there is a kid involved.
:(
Do NOT have sex anymore. Get out before kids. Holy smokes man.
A scary thing is, if the woman senses things are about to break off, she may secretly try to get you to impregnate her. As a way of getting you to indirectly stick around for another 18 years. Scary indeed.
Of all the people I know that have divorced, I can't think of any of whom I'd say would be better off had they stayed together.
I guess I had a bad day yesterday. I've been under a lot of stress with getting the house ready for sale, packing, working and parenting. I would love to be done with all of this. He gets to move out, no worries and be fancy free dating and moving on with his life. I would like that too but instead I'm the left dealing with the house and the memories, etc.
Thank you all for the kind words and the criticism too. I did run this morning which I haven't done in a long time and I like the idea of putting my energy back into doing a race by end of the year.
I do appreciate my LetsRun community...😊
Interesting. I'm currently separated. A friend told me that of the 5 couples he knows that are divorced, every single one of them regrets it. Maybe he was trying to make me feel better, but it keeps me from being cavalier about such a huge decision. Also much like running, every person is an experiment of 1. What works best for someone else, maybe is not the best for me. There is no black and white for me; everything is gray and subtle.
CatlitterHotub wrote:
Of all the people I know that have divorced, I can't think of any of whom I'd say would be better off had they stayed together.
Trying 2 move forward wrote:
Hey Wejo,
Thank you for this, I'm truly struggling right now...🙠I know it will get better but it's hard right now. Thanks.
run more. really.
I have been divorced for 8 years. Me and my Ex get along great and co parent great. She remarried a great guy who treats my daughter like his own, and my daughters half brother calls me uncle. Really god situation for us, like a big family. Sometimes it works out great like that, but that is the exception IMHO.
My spouse and I met when we were young, and shared a contented life in our retirement years.
At times we argued though, nothing serious but sometimes I would ask if she wanted me to move out, and I said, maybe it would be better that way. She said no, and I'd be upset, maybe because I didn't like when we argued, and I know that she didn't either. I had thought of moving out, but didn't want to leave her, and regret now that I'd ever said anything to her like that.
You see, she got sick, and then after a prolonged illness she died, and I felt that my heart was wrenched from my soul. I begged for whatever powers to let her live and take me instead. But she died, and my life was a black hole for years. Be thankful for your blessings and cherish your love.
Are you saying divorce is the blessing?
Count your blessings wrote:
But she died, and my life was a black hole for years. Be thankful for your blessings and cherish your love.
this thread is useless without pics of your ex
Here Here wrote:
This is true!
Mr. Obvious wrote:Getting divorced sucks! Actually being divorced is great. Hang in there. It gets better.
It does not get better. It never gets better. It gets worse. Then we all die. Au revoir!
Totally. Pics of yourself and your ex spouse?
Trying 2 move forward wrote:
So I'm going through a divorce and realized this week would have been our 25th Anniversary and it totally sucks b/c I will be reminiscing....please LetsRun help me get through this week. I will be most grateful.ðŸ˜
One theory says to embrace the natural process of what you are going through. Reminisce, grieve, cry.
Not sure I believe in that one. ...Because what you focus on increases, mainly because everytime you access a memory neurologically, you fire it up, which is like pumping up muscles by lifting weights.
Another approach...is the "distraction," approach. Done poorly, it can make you an alcoholic. Done healthily, you can hang out with friends, a support group (as you note and have wisely chosen to seek out).
People are going to offer advice. Far more important than that is to figure out what works for You. And do that.
I'd say, do something that makes you feel good And is healthy.
Running, obvious.
Studying something you're already good at and fascinated by, could be a good choice. (Book: "And Now Discover Your Strengths.)
Another theory, is one that contradicts the old "Closure Theory," and states that there is no such thing as "closure," because you'll always have memories pop up sometime. There is, however, something called "Completion." The
"completion" theory outlines that while there may not be closure, you can decide when you have completed an experience, graduated from it, so to speak, and you can choose what you have learned from it, and what you want to take forward in a positive sense.
Good Luck!
PS, it's human to mourn, and it's human to eventually get through it and find a new relationship. When you are ready, I highly recommend something like Harville Hendrix's "How To Keep The Love You Find," which is essentially on how and what self-education work will best serve you before your next relationship.