Married guys: what has made your marriage successful?

sxa wrote:

Its like your grandma always told you

Find someone you actually like..

The physical stuff gets old after a year or so..

Or sometime after the first time she/he unloads a blowout from chinese food in the commode......

And after all that, you really better like the one your with..

I mean as a pal.....and I had a real pal...

I like my wife to blowout on my chest - so that would just turn me on

Mutual respect and teamwork are key.

Don't marry someone whose tendency is to blame others for their problems.

As an international reader whose first language ist not English I was "relieved" to find out on urbandictionary.com what commode stands for, as it could have been worse.

No I am not happy.Don't know, don't care.I don't think I was cut out for married life.I am glad to have my two beautiful daughters and that is what keeps us together.

Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnneerrrrrr wrote:

I'm guessing it's not only the sex.

Are you happy?

Is she?

Why?

Hookers saved my marriage as well. Funny how that works. She (wife) gave me that post nuptial shutoff pretty fast but she's good otherwise.

4runner wrote:

Basically, we both decided that we wanted a good marriage.

Look-- when you decide you want to be a good runner, there are a thousand little things you have to do. You have to train every day, get lots of sleep, eat your veggies, not drink too much very often, make sure your running shoes don't get too old, etc.

A good marriage is a lot like that. You both have to decide-- every day-- that you are going to do the thousand little things that it takes to make the marriage work.

This is solid advice. This deals with the fact that people change too.

The assumption underlying this is that both people have the maturity to do this. Many don't. Many never had this maturity modeled or for whatever reason are not

"wired for it."

The fact that I don't take, or look for, advice on sites like this.

yeahyeahyay wrote:

Sorry: sex NEVER got old or boring. Never.

My wife, praise be, is a sparkling conversationalist, "wicked smaht," and a natural feminist in that she believes that whatever she is doing is the right thing (i.e., not what "feminists" tell her to do).

Gymnast body helps -- ain't gonna lie.

Married (since 30) for nigh on 20 years; she's an awesome mother, a conscientious wife, my best friend.

She encourages me in running and "man" pursuits; she expects a LOT of me as husband, father and provider. She drives me to deliver -- and makes it worth my while.

Gents: don't discount a...hmm... striving? wife? A wife who demands you be the best you can be as a man.

Oh, and she smells good. Yah. Known that forever. Since I met her. Just.... smells good.

Smells are known as fear-a-gnomes here in West Vagin-yah.

1.) As a man, I've learned to talk with and listen to her A LOT. We communicate a ton and speak at length daily, about both the trivial things of our day as well as the big stuff. Talk, talk, talk, listen, listen, listen.

2.) As a woman, she's learned to have sex with me A LOT. We've been married 18+ years and still do it every other day (sometimes more). It seriously NEVER gets old, despite what the shallow and uninformed masses of lonely 20-something year old guys on this message board would have you believe! Her smokin' hot runner body doesn't hurt either.

3.) Together we have closely-shared beliefs, priorities, and general outlook on life. Are we the same? Not even close, but on the truly big and important things in life, faith, and family we're very much on the same page nearly all the time.

4.) Make enough money to alleviate the stress of living day to day, which will wear heavily even on the best of marriages. Note I didn't say "be rich" but rather "make enough," since a huge percentage of divorces are related to financial issues.

That's it. Nothing profound, but it absolutely works and has made our marriage exceptional!

I troll Jamiin wrote:

No I am not happy.

Don't know, don't care.

I don't think I was cut out for married life.

I am glad to have my two beautiful daughters and that is what keeps us together.

?

[/quote]

Seriously,

you sound like many of my friends who married their college sweetheart, seem to be a happy couple at social events, have all the material shit they could want, and then get divorced as soon as their kids go away to college? It's an epidemic.

Nurture the friendship. Communicate. Be honest.

Check out the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, where he cites research backing up the idea of friendship in successful marriage.

One indicator of pending divorce cited in the research: Contempt. If there is a lot of contempt between spouses, chances are they divorce. It was statistical analysis.

Plenty of Dutch Oven Lovin

Anal. Lots of anal.

El Flaco Pelon Rojo wrote:

Check out the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, where he cites research backing up the idea of friendship in successful marriage..

Malcolm Gladwell is junk food.

Looks real, sounds real, but it turns out none of it is useful.

brotein shake wrote:

Anal. Lots of anal.

That's right; guys can marry guys now.

Bring black guy into your bedroom and video tape him while he has sex with your wife . That experience will bringing you two together .

Do you want your marriage to last?

Laugh! A Lot!! Women love laughter.

Make her feel important! Concentrate on her in public so she knows your eyes don't wander. That doesn't mean she doesn't know you appreciate beauty, just that she isn't competing for your attention.

It helps if you actually LIKE each other. Love is an overused word. I know you love her, but do you LIKE her????

Do your part because you would if she wasn't there. There's enough work in the house for both of you.

Continue to date her regularly. Be creative. Find new stuff to do and try.

Cheers!

Some already said it. Communication. You must talk to each other.

Unselfishness...and stubbornness.

Unselfishness by both parties leads to you thinking outside yourself and putting yourself in the spouse's shoes, and if all your actions and decisions are based on that way of thinking, you'll come out OK.

Stubbornness will lead you to stay together no matter what, and sticking to your promise you made to one another 'til death do us part.

We've been married 32 years in May, and I'm bad at the unselfishness part, but when I attain it at times, things go MUCH better, Which leads to the stubbornness part, which I am very good at (most distance runners are, which is why they are distance runners ;-) ), which is the only thing that has kept us together during the darkest, most difficult times, which trust me...they will happen. There are always going to be walls that you hit during the marriage marathon.

God Bless...