newname wrote:
Jesus Christ man ... he doesn't need to ruin his life just going to the movies or to some parties with some girls ... also you don't need to worry about pregnancy if you don't have sex with them.
For all we know he is 14 years old ... Lighten Up Francis!!
^^^Exactly Right ^^^^. Go to movies. Go to parties. Be social, have fun with girls or guys (whatever) , and take it slow. If it feels too scary, don't do it.
Be safe and have fun.
I agree that not every detail is worth sharing - but if she asks, I will answer. She knows that. I didn't start the convo. You can imagine that some who has saved them self for marriage would be interested in more details. They aren't as experienced and more questions about sex than the average person.I'm not trolling, and if I had a Bible I'd swear on it.Starting your marriage on the premise of 'don't ask don't tell' is a great reason to call off the marriage, by the way. I came into this thing knowing that I was putting it all out there - because that, after all, is what a marriage is all about. You either accept me for who I am or you don't. This is who I am. This is what I've done. I'm sorry that some of it may affect you emotionally, and I wish I hadn't done some of those things. But if you're willing to stick by me, then let's do this. Didn't anyone ever tell you marriage is hard? What do you think makes it hard? Trying to decide between mexican or italian on a Friday night? Hell no. It's pushing through all of the shit that two imperfect people bring to it, and growing through it together. I grown more with my wife then I ever could have without her.
Like a Virgin wrote:
You've got to be trolling. There is no reason anyone should fully disclose 100% of their sexual history with their wife. Don't ask don't tell.
And your "virgin" wife has some problems if she's comparing herself to your conquests. I'm sure she never told you about the handies, blowies , and anl she was partaking in. Maybe her ex t1ttle f'n her and painting her like Jackson Pollack doesn't count.
I'm sure you had to be the one to start the sexual history convo as a way to put down your wife and make her insecure.
At least all of her whining and complaining still can't take away your fond high school memories. Just make sure you don't make the same mistake with your next wife.
Oops it got too serious wrote:First, let me clarify: this doesn't consume her. She doesn't mention it. It's rare, but we have discussed our sexual history several times over the course of our marriage. In a healthy way that is vulnerable and honest. Has it occurred to you that maybe I did sexual things with my previous girlfriends that my wife isn't comfortable doing? And that is was basically every chance we had? As in it was very often and it's almost all we did? Let it be known that my wife is the first woman I dated that respected herself. That's why I married her. It takes a strong woman to set and keep boundaries and know her limits.
Do you know anything about woman? She wants to be chosen. Period. Guess what? I've chosen someone else before. That makes her less of a prize and more or 'another' one and a list of partners.
Women in our society are constantly under the microscope or comparison. And they do it to themselves, also. It's in their nature. So yes, she does compare her body and actions in bed to my previous partners, and she's working through it but she does feel inadequate at times.
It's not that far fetched. Sadly, our society is training women that it's 'cool' to be as sexual as possible and push the boundaries beyond what they are comfortable with, because men like it. Rarely is there a message for women in the media or elsewhere that promotes self respect, boundaries, and so on. All that to say, my wife was not a fan of my past when I told her. At the time, she wasn't strong enough to walk away for that reason only. Now we are both much wiser and stronger. So we have worked through a lot of the baggage that I brought from my prior relationships. But she'll never be able to get rid of the images of what I have done.
Your experience and views, as well as your wife's, are definitely not the norm.
.
No way - I was too busy running my ass off trying to break 4:00 in the mile!
I spoke only to my experience, and speculated about the experience of other people against what they claim their actual experience to be. Did I say everyone else is wrong? Please quote and repost it. We all have beliefs - I just shared mine. Tell me one story of someone who had negative consequences from saving sex for marriage - I'll wait here with all of the crickets.Now tell me one of someone who had negative consequences from having sex outside of marriage.Take a look at STDs and unwanted pregnancies alone. There's a ton of evidence in those two items. Whether or not sex in an of itself has emotional consequences is fairly debatable - I will give you that. The RISK for emotional consequences is extremely high, however, when having sex outside of marriage. It is a hard metric to quantify. I can only speak from my experience and that of several other people that I know. It's anecdotal, yes. There are scientific studies that show premarital sex leads to relationship dissatisfaction (even when the sex is with your future spouse).And what is the magic age for having sex?
pop_pop!_v2.2.1 wrote:
Oops it got too serious wrote:I robbed my wife of the safety of sharing that only with her.
.
You took something from someone you never met like I'm taking $20 from you right now. Right.
Oops it got too serious wrote:There are permanent emotional consequences when engaging in sex,
Bzzzt! Wrong.
Are there inappropriate ages for sex? Yes. It depends on the individual. Your claim is ridiculous.
Oops it got too serious wrote:and I've found that the majority of the time, they are not postive when sex happens outside of a marriage relationship. I'm willing to put money on saying that if anyone says otherwise, they are either naive or lying, especially women.
You deny any other experiences but your own. It must be nice to live in a perfectly formed world where everyone but you is wrong.
Here's a secret you probably haven't heard before: some people have sex outside of a marriage and it's safe, fun and healthy. And they are happier, healthier people for it.
Here's another secret: the earth is round. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At least we know that "Oops" has a healthy kinkiness with his wife in one respect. That emotional sadomasochism (going both ways) is "50-Shades"-worthy!
Ah, but's its not S&M if it's just being "honest". Ooh, that denial just makes it better!!! Whenever she wants another dose of kink, she just has to ask, and he will tell....
Oops it got too serious wrote:My current relationship is more fulfilling and satisfying from every viewpoint than any other that I have been in, which have all been based on having my sexual 'needs' met.
You do understand that it's not all about you, don't you? That (cover your ears kids) many women actually do enjoy sex. Sometimes as much as men do. I know, I know, it's hard to take this shocking revelation in, but it's true. You make it seem like sex is a giant favor your wife does for you, and you dare not push it any further than missionary. Maybe her timidness in bed is a reaction to you holding her on a pedestal. Or maybe she's just not that comfortable with you. Or maybe she had a creepy uncle? Either way, the way you talk about your relationship makes it sound really weird. "I am known, and my wife is known by me." Seriously, who talks like that? Unless you're Mormon and then this all makes sense.
Kinky and Slinky wrote:
At least we know that "Oops" has a healthy kinkiness with his wife in one respect. That emotional sadomasochism (going both ways) is "50-Shades"-worthy!
Ah, but's its not S&M if it's just being "honest". Ooh, that denial just makes it better!!! Whenever she wants another dose of kink, she just has to ask, and he will tell....
Oh, how I love the ignorance on these boards.
I don't dangle this crap in front of her face. Nor does she torture herself by asking questions all of the time.
Runners are so 'all or nothing'. I suspect that most runners have other addictions, too, because nothing is in moderation. It's balls to the wall, or nothing at all.
Weird because most people settle for average and base the success of their relationships by comparing to their friends or other people they know.If you've never known an addict, then you wouldn't understand this language. Most addicts use their addictions to self medication and avoid being known by other people, because they live in so much shame. That was me, just for the record. And the same holds true for nearly every other addict I know. So yeah - it may sound weird to the average person.Secondly, the point of the quote below that I wrote is that my relationships prior to this one were about me. This one is not. The whole point is that I am fulfilled and satisfied because it's NOT all about me and there is more to relationship than sex.Secondly, my wife loves sex. I never said she didn't. That doesn't mean she doesn't have boundaries.
derp wrote:
Oops it got too serious wrote:My current relationship is more fulfilling and satisfying from every viewpoint than any other that I have been in, which have all been based on having my sexual 'needs' met.You do understand that it's not all about you, don't you? That (cover your ears kids) many women actually do enjoy sex. Sometimes as much as men do. I know, I know, it's hard to take this shocking revelation in, but it's true. You make it seem like sex is a giant favor your wife does for you, and you dare not push it any further than missionary. Maybe her timidness in bed is a reaction to you holding her on a pedestal. Or maybe she's just not that comfortable with you. Or maybe she had a creepy uncle? Either way, the way you talk about your relationship makes it sound really weird. "I am known, and my wife is known by me." Seriously, who talks like that? Unless you're Mormon and then this all makes sense.
I was awkward, ugly, and creepy in HS. I still am, I just used to be too.
So no, I didn't date in HS.
And obviously I can't count. I said 'secondly' twice.
Oops it went too far wrote:
Weird because most people settle for average and base the success of their relationships by comparing to their friends or other people they know.
If you've never known an addict, then you wouldn't understand this language. Most addicts use their addictions to self medication and avoid being known by other people, because they live in so much shame. That was me, just for the record. And the same holds true for nearly every other addict I know. So yeah - it may sound weird to the average person.
Secondly, the point of the quote below that I wrote is that my relationships prior to this one were about me. This one is not.
The whole point is that I am fulfilled and satisfied because it's NOT all about me and there is more to relationship than sex.
Secondly, my wife loves sex. I never said she didn't. That doesn't mean she doesn't have boundaries.
derp wrote:You do understand that it's not all about you, don't you? That (cover your ears kids) many women actually do enjoy sex. Sometimes as much as men do. I know, I know, it's hard to take this shocking revelation in, but it's true. You make it seem like sex is a giant favor your wife does for you, and you dare not push it any further than missionary. Maybe her timidness in bed is a reaction to you holding her on a pedestal. Or maybe she's just not that comfortable with you. Or maybe she had a creepy uncle? Either way, the way you talk about your relationship makes it sound really weird. "I am known, and my wife is known by me." Seriously, who talks like that? Unless you're Mormon and then this all makes sense.
Oops it went too far wrote:
And obviously I can't count. I said 'secondly' twice.
[quote]Oops it went too far wrote:
Weird because most people settle for average and base the success of their relationships by comparing to their friends or other people they know.
If you've never known an addict, then you wouldn't understand this language. Most addicts use their addictions to self medication and avoid being known by other people, because they live in so much shame. That was me, just for the record. And the same holds true for nearly every other addict I know. So yeah - it may sound weird to the average person.
Secondly, the point of the quote below that I wrote is that my relationships prior to this one were about me. This one is not.
The whole point is that I am fulfilled and satisfied because it's NOT all about me and there is more to relationship than sex.
Secondly, my wife loves sex. I never said she didn't. That doesn't mean she doesn't have boundaries.
[quote]derp wrote:
[quote]Oops it got too serious wrote:My current relationship is more fulfilling and satisfying from every viewpoint than any other that I have been in, which have all been based on having my sexual 'needs' met.
Every once in a while i forget that the brojos sometimes post anonymously on the boards.
It didn't hit me until the grammatical error.
Not the brojos here. Again, give me a Bible. Gladly will swear on it.I suck at proofreading.
i knew it!!!!! wrote:
Oops it went too far wrote:And obviously I can't count. I said 'secondly' twice.
[quote]Oops it went too far wrote:
Weird because most people settle for average and base the success of their relationships by comparing to their friends or other people they know.
If you've never known an addict, then you wouldn't understand this language. Most addicts use their addictions to self medication and avoid being known by other people, because they live in so much shame. That was me, just for the record. And the same holds true for nearly every other addict I know. So yeah - it may sound weird to the average person.
Secondly, the point of the quote below that I wrote is that my relationships prior to this one were about me. This one is not.
The whole point is that I am fulfilled and satisfied because it's NOT all about me and there is more to relationship than sex.
Secondly, my wife loves sex. I never said she didn't. That doesn't mean she doesn't have boundaries.
[quote]derp wrote:
[quote]Oops it got too serious wrote:My current relationship is more fulfilling and satisfying from every viewpoint than any other that I have been in, which have all been based on having my sexual 'needs' met.
Every once in a while i forget that the brojos sometimes post anonymously on the boards.
It didn't hit me until the grammatical error.
Missed this post.Why is it healthier to date girls rather than just to maintain friendships at that age?Are you also implying that a horny 15 year old that has raging horomones is going to make a logical decision about not having sex if presented with the opportunity? Some will, some will not. I do think that most people find out who they are when they enter 'the real world', aka 22 or 23 or so. I'm not saying there is anything special about any particular age. But I do think it is impossible to have a mature relationship without knowing yourself first.
newname wrote:
Oops it got serious wrote:I was 14 when we started dating and 15 (6 months later) when we first had sex and shit got too serious.
You seriously think kids these days care about how old they are when they get into shit with the opposite sex? The average boy has been exposed to porn by 6 years old.
You are making my point for me. I don't know how old you are, but you can "go on dates" without having sex, believe it or not it is totally possible. I had sex eventually at 19 and turned it down the first 5 times it was pushed on me. There are many ways you can date girls and have romance without intercourse, I did it and most people I know did it. You just didn't find them. No matter what, most people figure out that sex at 15 is fraught with problems. But dating does not have to include intercourse.
Not sure what you mean by "getting into shit" but YES I believe it is healthier to socialize with girls AND DATE THEM (while avoiding intercourse if you need to until you feel you can handle it) rather than just avoiding having dates at all.
When would you suggest dating? When you are 25?
Oops it went too far wrote:
Nor does she torture herself by asking questions all of the time.
Runners are so 'all or nothing'. I suspect that most runners have other addictions, too, because nothing is in moderation. It's balls to the wall, or nothing at all.
Runners are all or nothing? Look in the mirror pal.
I love how your wife is theoretically tortured by your past.
I couldn't get out of bed if I spent that much energy on the past.
Looking for where I said she is tortured... isn't there.
pop_pop!_v2.2.1 wrote:
Oops it went too far wrote:Nor does she torture herself by asking questions all of the time.
Runners are so 'all or nothing'. I suspect that most runners have other addictions, too, because nothing is in moderation. It's balls to the wall, or nothing at all.
Runners are all or nothing? Look in the mirror pal.
I love how your wife is theoretically tortured by your past.
I couldn't get out of bed if I spent that much energy on the past.
Oops fellow, best of luck with your marriage. You seem set in your beliefs about women and the world and I don't think there is much point engaging with you.
OP, yes, I dated in HS. two summer flings, one puppy love nonsense, and one relationship. I look back fondly on each. I would have done things differently for sure. A few times, women treated me in ways that were obvious dealbrealkers and I didn't end things quickly enough. I overestimated the benefits of being in a relationship and underestimated the benefits of being free to meet others. I learned more accurately what I wanted by making adolescent mistakes.
If you want to ask someone out, go for it. Worst that happens is (s)he says no and tells their friends. But that second bit can be a blessing in disguise. It lets people know you're open to dating and that puts you on radars.
If you're not dating, what holds you back?
Oops it got too serious wrote:
reader of the forums 2.0 wrote:Your experience and views, as well as your wife's, are definitely not the norm.
Most people just aren't willing to admit it. I know several people who wish they had saved sex for marriage.
They're not the norm either.
Oops it got too serious wrote:
Premarital sex has a way of complicating things. Period.
No it doesn't.
And I thought I saw ridiculously ignorant posts on the atheist thread.
[quote]Oops it got too serious wrote:
Looking for where I said she is tortured... isn't there.
When you said she needed counseling to get over it.
Postingfromatrain wrote:
If you're not dating, what holds you back?
Mostly just not knowing very many girls on a personal level. Sure, I have some female acquaintances, but none I feel I know well enough to start dating. Idk if it's like this most other places, but just asking out a girl you aren't already at least friends with never happens where I live. In fact, that would be considered creepy.