It never ceases to amaze me that so many men on this board treat and define marriage and the whole man/woman relationship paradigm as adversarial in nature.
You are either in year 1 or 2 of the marriage or not married.
There are good marriages. They are rare. Beyond that, lots of variations to describe a "bad marriage."
Successfully married men, how much crap does your wife put up with from you?
A tremendous amount and she is extremely generous and forgiving but we worked at it...When I was able to look at her and say we are absolutely idiots to hang on to stuff, or ruin moments. I think things got better after that. We'd get moody or start fussing or had a blowout and I would say we are idiots to be doing this or idiots for not letting it go. Also when I told her not letting go is as bad as being an idiot troublemaker in the first place ....stuff like that. Of course, our transgressions haven't been huge, just personality and style differences. Buckets of trust are filled in drops and spilled in gallons.
Successfully married men, how much crap does your wife put up with from you?
A tremendous amount and she is extremely generous and forgiving but we worked at it...When I was able to look at her and say we are absolutely idiots to hang on to stuff, or ruin moments. I think things got better after that. We'd get moody or start fussing or had a blowout and I would say we are idiots to be doing this or idiots for not letting it go. Also when I told her not letting go is as bad as being an idiot troublemaker in the first place ....stuff like that. Of course, our transgressions haven't been huge, just personality and style differences. Buckets of trust are filled in drops and spilled in gallons.
You appear to be one of the few whose wife isn't to blame for everything that goes wrong. Perhaps that's why you are successfully married and they aren't.
A tremendous amount and she is extremely generous and forgiving but we worked at it...When I was able to look at her and say we are absolutely idiots to hang on to stuff, or ruin moments. I think things got better after that. We'd get moody or start fussing or had a blowout and I would say we are idiots to be doing this or idiots for not letting it go. Also when I told her not letting go is as bad as being an idiot troublemaker in the first place ....stuff like that. Of course, our transgressions haven't been huge, just personality and style differences. Buckets of trust are filled in drops and spilled in gallons.
You appear to be one of the few whose wife isn't to blame for everything that goes wrong. Perhaps that's why you are successfully married and they aren't.
My wife is far superior to me in many ways and I am far superior in some. Maybe being willing to mutually acknowledge that is important. Both people have to be willing to grab an oar and row too. Doesn't have to look like how any other couple rows...but both better be rowing and grateful that the other one is rowing too.
I feel you man. 5 years ago we moved our family for my wife's job because it was a great opportunity for her. The salary trumped mine by 1.5x so it was kind of a no-brainer. We were in our new city for less than a year and my wife gets canned. Overnight, I had to pick up the slack and replace what she was making. She doesn't want to "work in an office" or for "the man". She's spent literally tens of thousands of dollars (cashed in half of 401k) to get her own company off the ground. Fast forward 1 year...she has not made $.01. I told her I'd give her until Jan. to see if things would get going. No dice.
I work over 60 hours a week to make sure we can pay for the house we bought with her signing bonus on a job she no longer has. The last 16 months she hasn't had any income. That's fine...if you want to be a stay at home mom. But...On top of that I do about 80% of the household cleaning, grocery shopping, childcare etc.
Codependency kills. What are you using her for? Security? Identity? Sex?
Regardless, in abusive relationships you might want to use couples therapy as a means for structuring a peaceful divorce, hire a lawyer with forensic accountancy services, and double down on forming friendships with other men who arent tied to your relationship.
Stop being the victim. Get out, without crashing into some addiction recovery program, not that there's anything wrong with getting help there.
IME, woman are not happy if things aren't improving. It doesn't matter where you start, but women will not be happy if you as the husband are not improving noticably in:
1) Income
2) Wealth (Wealth and income are not the same, see above...)
3) Child rearing- For men, this generally means instilling discipline and fostering academic, athletic, and social skills in your children. Women are not impressed by you changing diapers or cleaning the house. As the husband it's your job to do well enough in 1 and 2 to get a nanny and a maid to wipe butts and clean floors.
3) Social status- Woman need social contact much more than men. If you aren't part of a upwardly mobile social group your wife will find her own and likely cut you out if you can't hack it socially.
4) Physical attractiveness. This is an and factor, not a but factor. Women might ignore you or seek something on the side if your looks flag. They will not stay with you because of your new six pack if you got it while on unemployment
Your wife's sexual interest, intimacy, and general approval flow from improvements in the above. Fall behind in half or more of these and your days are numbered.
Wives, don’t nag your husbands, especially about things like housework and changing diapers. Let him take on more manly tasks. Be happy if he makes more than you, and be supportive of his career above your own. Let him have time with his friends without him feeling bad about it. Don’t spend time on social media trying to get validation that way.
husbands, be affectionate with your wife and compliment her. Don’t look at other women. Tell her she’s beautiful, and be gentle in times like pregnancy and menopause, when she probably feels unattractive. Take her on dates and pursue her like you were still young and dating.
Both wives and husbands, make an effort to be good parents to your kids, and have good hygiene and dress well without being narcissistic or insecure.
I put up with probably a fair amount less than she puts up with That's honestly what I think and I consider myself lucky to the point that I'd rather focus my time, energy, and thoughts on being someone worth being with.
IME, woman are not happy if things aren't improving. It doesn't matter where you start, but women will not be happy if you as the husband are not improving noticably in:
1) Income
2) Wealth (Wealth and income are not the same, see above...)
3) Child rearing- For men, this generally means instilling discipline and fostering academic, athletic, and social skills in your children. Women are not impressed by you changing diapers or cleaning the house. As the husband it's your job to do well enough in 1 and 2 to get a nanny and a maid to wipe butts and clean floors.
3) Social status- Woman need social contact much more than men. If you aren't part of a upwardly mobile social group your wife will find her own and likely cut you out if you can't hack it socially.
4) Physical attractiveness. This is an and factor, not a but factor. Women might ignore you or seek something on the side if your looks flag. They will not stay with you because of your new six pack if you got it while on unemployment
Your wife's sexual interest, intimacy, and general approval flow from improvements in the above. Fall behind in half or more of these and your days are numbered.
Of course your a Cow Renter, because you don't have a clue Bruh.