Met a girl I think could be my future wife... However, the timing is terrible. Please advise.

It's obvious that like me, you know everything and you know what's best for everyone. So why are you asking these dolts... err... 'folks' for advice?

That would be akin to me asking the Boehner how to destroy the country. Although he sometimes had good advice, the reality is I know way more than anyone.

I never claimed nor implied that I know everything.

kind of disturbing wrote:

Email your thoughts to a woman you trust and ask for her honest feedback. I suspect she wouldn't want to date you, let alone marry you. She might feel you won't make a great partner since nowhere in your post did you mention her feelings, aspirations, or thoughts about anything, much less the life you are planning for yourself.

That doesn't seem to have occurred to the poster - that the girl might not want to date, much less marry, a man who messes around with numerous women on internet dating, can't hold down a job, has mental health issues, wants to be an external student and is selfish - selfish because nowhere does he mention this girl's feelings or thoughts. He also goes on. And on. And on. Most girls would run from a man behaving like this. Don't mistake charity initial friendliness for someone wanting to marry you.

Why not embrace your future of dating increasingly desperate women, probably impregnating a few, being a deadbeat dad keeping your salary low to avoid too high payments for your kids, and pedalling the same line in your mid forties?

+1. Can't hold down a job or maintain any sort of steady presence in town. Jumps from woman to woman. Selfish. Clearly some mental health issues...

You will be interesting to certain women for about another 3 years. As this time goes by, you will find fewer and fewer women in your age range who want to deal with the above -- they want to settle down with someone stable, who has a solid job and will be around. You can probably date women in their early-20s, if you can handle the immaturity, frankly, you're about on their level. You'll have to stay in good shape though, and keep all your hair, etc. Once you start looking old, that door will close as well.

So here's the deal, OP. You gotta keep in mind that a lot of men are going to be jealous of your life. They won't admit it, but that's what you're seeing with a lot of these replies. They either hate being tied down and wish they were you or they're single but just don't have "it" in them to lead the kind of life that you lead. Emphasis on LEAD. They're not leaders at all and will never lead themselves nor any women down a path similar to yours.

Guess what, people? A man can go his entire life being single, perfectly happy and have zero problem having high-quality women in his life. If the single life isn't for you, then fine. But for now the OP chooses the single, active life. He's happy and growing tremendously as a person and more importantly as a man. He's doing it his way and I applaud him.

My advice to the OP is that if the timing isn't right, it's just not right. You have to be 110% on board when talking about marriage. There are literally BILLIONS of women on the planet. When the time is more appropriate you'll have no problem finding the one you want to marry. Until then, keep doing things your way. Women respect that. I know I do.

Alan Webb's Goggles wrote:

Why not embrace your future of dating increasingly desperate women, probably impregnating a few, being a deadbeat dad keeping your salary low to avoid too high payments for your kids, and pedalling the same line in your mid forties?

Posted the judgey judge of character who just got here from 1940-something.

Be social, date, have sex. As long as it is a healthy, safe choice for both, there is nothing wrong with it.

For the guy striking out, you gotta work on your game. That doesn't mean be dishonest, that means work on you to be more attractive to potential partners.

OP,

My wife and I got married at 25. Neither of us would ever have predicted getting married at a young age. Neither of us would have predicted finding each other at all. Ten years on, I am so happy to have allowed the unexpected.

A steady relationship doesn't have to involve an end to your wanderings and adventures, either. We've done years of long-distance while married due to going back to grad school and the job market. And long distance isn't terrible for those of us who are fairly independent! If she's working in another country, I go there on my vacation time and vice versa. Lots of adventures happen this way.

It's easy to set up artificial timelines and barriers -- much harder to let life happen as it will.

Alien Guy wrote:

Most people are way too closed off when it comes to meeting people. If you view any interaction that doesn't lead to marriage as a waste of time, of course you're going to be disappointed and unhappy a lot. Don't take things so seriously.

Alien Guy wrote:

I never claimed nor implied that I know everything.

I'm not interested to get married, but nor am I looking to have sex with anything that is moving. Personally I think it's strange you think not having sex with someone I don't want to be with would make me unhappy or be disappointing.

Conundrum wrote:

Not a runner dork wrote:

50 girls a lot? In 10 years? You guys are dorks, I've probably met over 100 girls from online (ok Cupid, tinder, match) in the past year. That's just two a week if you haven't found a steady girl. Pretty par for the course in a big city.

Two girls a week that you found online and you've been through 100 girls?? Anand you think this is par for the course?

All those girls and you didn't establish one meaningful long term relationship!? Suggestion, do you think just maybe you ought to change the way you are trying to meet women?

Not trying to make you feel bad, but man you are striking out a lot.

Actually very recently one of them (the last one, obviously) did turn into a relationship. I went out with a lot of girls because 1) it can be fun to meet cool new people and 2) it's very hard for me to "settle" and despite meeting a lot of girls who were very attractive, smart, nice, it took a very long time to meet someone who is incredibly smart, has stunning looks, but most of all someone with whom I clicked instantly. I could have settled for one of the other girls I liked and who liked me back, but I wouldn't have anything like I do now. This is gonna sound crazy but I probably went on dates with at least 400-500 girls (over a number of years)...and while there would often be chemistry, it just felt like there was something more that could be there that wasn't. Honestly I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me as I'd been single for quite a while (I had some periods of time where I would "see" one girl pretty exclusively but could never pull the trigger on a relationship) as most people would consider me attractive, intelligent, well-traveled, and generally pretty good socially so I was having a lot of doubts about what I was doing wrong. But, at least so far, I have no regrets given what I've ended up with after the long and tedious, but also rewarding in many ways, journey of dating.

Thank you for this post. I appreciate it. :)

Do you realize how dumb you sound when you say "I want to live life on my terms and be free to do what I want" and then let that ethos prevent you from doing what you want right now (i.e. be with her)? The reality is you are not a free spirit, you're lazy and weak and you and your hipster brethren, whose approval you're seeking here and whenever you ask about this, are enabling each other's laziness and weakness.

Stay put for a while. See if she's worth it. Numbers say she's probably not but maybe she is. As long as you don't have kids or get married you can split on a moment's notice if the numbers turn out to be right.

Do it your way wrote:

My advice to the OP is that if the timing isn't right, it's just not right.

There's not ever going to be a "right time" if the individual's life goal is to be "free to move around and be weird." It's not conducive to a LTR. As another post mentions, that doesn't mean two people in a LTR don't move around frequently, or live separately for a while for whatever good reason. But, the moving around and long distance relationship thing is done as a couple in a LTR.

OP is not even close to thinking like that. He just wants to self-identify as weird and move around a bunch with no consideration for a partner. That's never going to work out. The timing will never be right.

Match Maker wrote:

It's cliche but when you know, you know.

Date her and if you really feel like she's "the one" then you need to make a grown up decision. Life, relationships take compromise and hard work like anything else.

I would highly doubt you'll stay in that same area, job, etc forever so don't see it as your adventure is ending now. Again, if she is the one then you'll have to be a man and stop running away.

I agree with this sentiment. You can't do whatever you want in a relationship. However, a relationship doesn't mean the end of doing what you want.

What about seeing how it goes and then making yourself a little bit vulnerable to her?. Telling her you don't see yourself in this town forever, that you like to travel, etc. With vulnerability comes intimacy. Who knows she may want to get out of town, she may want to stay in town, but by "exposing" yourself the relationship has more possibility for growth or you may decide its not for you. Not trying to because everything wasn't according to your plan is the easy way out.

just bone her for as long as you can and move on

Plenty of people are a little restless. This sounds like you. It's not a mental health disorder; it's just a way of being.

How do the two of you feel about kids? If her career becomes more flexible, how open is she to moving? This is the kind of stuff you can find out after dating a while.

The kids question is probably a good test for the two of you. If you're restless, then you're going to have a tough time focusing on raising kids for several years. You two need to be on the same page about something like that.

I used to work with a girl who was restless. She married a guy who was open to traveling. She's been through a job or two, but they were able to buy a house after a year or two that they can use as home base. They still travel and she still changes jobs within the vicinity of that house, so she gets to be restless while still having her guy as a permanent fixture in her life. I don't know that all these different jobs and cities are really going to satisfy you, but if this one girl might satisfy you on the woman front, then it seems silly to pass over the longterm joy of this woman just to continue restlessly pursuing nothing in particular.

The guy got out of a relationship 5 months ago, is kind of a loner, is a pretty weird guy, and in the last 3 months dated over 30 girls, meaning, consistently, at least 2 to 3 new girls a week, for a weird loner? Yeah, that's believable.

The answer is obvious, the new blow-up doll you bought, just deflate it! Now you can carry her in your luggage and take her with you on all your exciting fictional trips around the world. It is "really happening" don't just throw her away - most blow up dolls will not let you be your "true self", but she will, so keep her, just let the air out as needed.

Do you think in a few year you may regret not taking a chance with this girl? If so, take a chance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg_9FQk6UnA

Do you have ADD?

Ackley wrote:

Alien Guy wrote:

... She's unlike any of the 50+ girls I've gone out with...

This line gave it away. 2/10.

+1