3 dates - no kiss

Please ignore all the posts telling you to kiss her or to gage her interest in you off of this or off of what you call your dates. I was crazy about my boyfriend from the moment that I met him. We "hung out" for months and didn't event kiss until after we were officially a couple. That's not the way I think either of us would have preferred or expected it, but that's what happened. I was shy and coy around him for the longest time; didn't want him to think I was coming on too strong(which unfortunately triggered the opposite from me, the coyness). After becoming a couple, the physicality gradually increased. Several years later, we're planning to get married. He's The Guy, I though that from the second "hang out" on, but it took months to kiss him. Neither of us is especislly religious or prudish. Don't worry too much about it.

I got the cheek on the 2nd date with a woman, but then made a joke about it on the 4th and got the kiss. I've been with her for 20 years now.

SlowAndSteadyDater wrote:

I was crazy about my boyfriend from the moment that I met him. We "hung out" for months and didn't event kiss until after we were officially a couple.

All honest questions:

Did you have regular and frequent sex with others at the "hang out" phase? I'm guessing no. It's not a values thing. I want women to enjoy sex as they please with no guilt/biblical BS. But, I'm guessing the frequent hookups in the 'hangout' phase is just not who you are. I am guessing the BF is similar.

Did the BF asked you for a kiss/hookup before 'official' whatever? What if he did? Since you've chosen you

I hit submit accidentally.

FYI, I hope your Father figure was a good guy. Gut feelings like that are always because you recognize your father in him.

Hopefully he was pretty good. If not, your radar is broken. Don't be sad most people's radar isn't very good. I guess you'll find out.

If you've been on 3 dates and have not locked lips yet, you are most likely already in the dreaded friend zone. While its true that you have probably already foreclosed on your ability to close the deal with this lady, you may be able to rectify the situation with some drastic action. You must not delay in your attempts to radically alter the dynamics of this relationship. At your earliest convenience, you need to send a message that you are not a homosexual looking for a platonic relationship. Make an immediate statement. Drive to her place now. When she opens the door, drop trou and tell her she needs to shake hands with Mr. Happy to make amends. Feel free to demonstrate your preferred handshake ritual.

What to do? wrote:

She's cute

mr. obvious wrote:

Worthless without pics

She's bored

Once she finds something or someone better to do she'll be off

Missed your chance, gotta strike while the iron is hot! It's over! Friend zone has been solidified.

Biggest problem with guys now days. No balls! Get in there! Make your intentions known you pansy!

Kenyano wrote:

The way it seems u guys can get along well and that's a good recipe for a long term relation or marriage.

If you really like her, don't rush things. Whoever told u to grab her and kiss her coz no girl would refuse a kiss after 3 dates if she likes you, is far off.

She must be thinking of a long term relation and not a fling.

So it depends on what u want.

If u want a fling then take a risk and rush things. If u think long term, take it easy.

My two cents.

Right. Men are generally way too aggressive and scare women off.

Usually women make plenty of moves when and if you're attractive to them.

No - ignore this. This is the exception. The other 99.9% of the time, you are either already in the "friend zone" or you are putting yourself into the "friends zone". Once you are in, you will never get out. If you are interested in her, you need to just kiss her. Do not ask, that is a mood killer and will propel you into the friend zone (if you are close to being there). Just kiss her, if she pulls away, it's over. You should still ask her what the deal is, but absent a really good explanation, of which none come to mind, she's not into you and you are a friend. Just make sure the first kiss you go to plant on her is a short small one - don't go in mouth open like a crazy person - that can also just turn her off you even if she was into you. Also, if she's not into you, a short little kiss is minimal embarrassment. She'll be flattered, but, not into you, or, she'll be into you. Now go kiss her and get this over with,

I am sorry, but this is just weird. I am religious and I am married with kids. I am about as traditional as you can get and I still think this is weird. You dated for months before you kissed? You put "hung out" in quotes. I am not sure I understand what that means. Does that mean dated? Why the quotes?

OP, I think you are too old to be friend zoned in this situation. Friend Zoning occurs more in group social settings where you casually get to know a girl and are moved into one box or another. If you are asking her out and picking her up in your car, these are dates and she knows it. If she thinks you are just casually hanging out, alone, in your car, just friends, well... she is quite odd.

Here is the deal, people... Men and women do not hang out alone together as platonic friends without the relationship getting sexual at some point. So get it out of your head that you are going to be best friends with some man or woman and there is not going to be any sexual tension.

Just chiming in quickly to say to beware of those offering advise that you be overly wary of the "friend zone", or those spouting insecure certitudes that you need to watch out for signal words like "hang out", will ruin the moment by asking, etc.

The above are very common cliches from "pick up artist" tutorials and other guides guys make up on how to get women to like them. In other words, advice from (usually) bitter guys who seek out "fix all" internet tutorials to help them do something that - if done correctly - doesn't need that level of over-analysis, manipulation or fretting.

What to do? wrote:

This particular woman I enjoy greatly. We're aligned in terms of what we like to do, our goals, etc. and that is the primary reason I continue to see her even after 3 'hefty' dates (lasting several hours) with zero physical interaction.

This is the part people are skimming over. Kiss/no kiss, semantics, whatever... but no physical interaction at all?

Don't get too invested in this, son.

Hello again wrote:

Just chiming in quickly to say to beware of those offering advise that you be overly wary of the "friend zone", or those spouting insecure certitudes that you need to watch out for signal words like "hang out", will ruin the moment by asking, etc.

The above are very common cliches from "pick up artist" tutorials and other guides guys make up on how to get women to like them. In other words, advice from (usually) bitter guys who seek out "fix all" internet tutorials to help them do something that - if done correctly - doesn't need that level of over-analysis, manipulation or fretting.

How to books, written by losers who have no clue about real relationships.

Hello again wrote:

Just chiming in quickly to say to beware of those offering advise that you be overly wary of the "friend zone", or those spouting insecure certitudes that you need to watch out for signal words like "hang out", will ruin the moment by asking, etc.

The above are very common cliches from "pick up artist" tutorials and other guides guys make up on how to get women to like them. In other words, advice from (usually) bitter guys who seek out "fix all" internet tutorials to help them do something that - if done correctly - doesn't need that level of over-analysis, manipulation or fretting.

Well, no. I admit I don't know anything about "pick up artists" or what terms they use, but "friend zone" is a pretty common term to describe something any normal guy and girl has been through. I've heard it used by males and females since I was in junior high. If a girl isn't into you, nothing you do is going to change that, so forget what "pick-up artists" tell you. You will just be wasting your time and beating yourself up if what you want is a relationship (that involves sex). People know this really quickly (if they are interested in the person in a sexual way) - likely this girl already knows if she sees you as a potential boyfriend (sex) or just a friend (no sex). Next time you go out, wait for a normal moment where you'd kiss a girl, end of the night etc., and kiss her. Just that easy. This is not a pick up artist scam. She either likes you that way or she doesn't - you won't change that, you will just find out which one it is. My bet is she likes you, makes the most sense.

I thought it was a longstanding yardstick that you should be having sex by the third date? I always thought this was too quick, but definitely by the fifth date.

When you think about it, if you go out on a date once every week or so, then by the fifth date, you've been dating for a month.

Bottom line - YOU ARE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE, YOU ARE ALMOST A 30 YEAR OLD MAN! She needs to start playing ball, until then, she's just playing you. The longer you go without that kiss, the bigger that elephant in the room will grow.

And, don't ever take dating advice or fashion advice from women.

What to do? wrote:

We're both in our mid/late 20s and I have had all kinds of relationships - long term, 1-night stands, vanilla, extremely kinky, and so forth.

This particular woman I enjoy greatly. We're aligned in terms of what we like to do, our goals, etc. and that is the primary reason I continue to see her even after 3 'hefty' dates (lasting several hours) with zero physical interaction.

I've tried to 'move in' if I drop her off at her home, but she seems to dart out of the car very quickly. At this point I assume she's not interested, but I get texts later on asking me how I'm doing and if I can hang out again.

So I'm just looking for some nice ways to move in and kiss her.

Thanks.....honestly.

This is on you at least as much as on her. You guys are texting. How hard is it to flirt over text and see what kind of a response you get? Unless she is very uptight you can joke about how hard it has been for you to resist the urge to kiss her... or hold her hand if you want to be extra cautious.

Hahahaahahahahaha. Oh boy, another letsrun dating thread. Please, entertain me.

This trick work 80% of the time for me:

1. Take her to a nice seafood dinner

2. Order dish like sea urchin sashimi

3. Go back to my home

4. Watch the movie "West Side Story" or "Cinderfella" starring Jerry Lewis, delightful romantic comedies.

5. The scheme is complete. Enjoy.

Now I admit I love a good letsrun dating thread as much as the next person.

I am legitimately amazed that two grown adults have been on three dates with zero physical contact. Is this a cultural thing? That's why I originally asked if you met at a megachurch, I wasn't being completely tongue in cheek with that question. The responses telling you to just kiss her aren't being pick-up artists, they are being normal adults. How anyone could think otherwise is beyond me. This is one of the more bizarre threads I've read in a while. I truly had no idea there were people like this out there who weren't religious fundamentalists. Learn something new every day.