Advice from an old dog wrote:
Just a word of advice. The old adage "Don't get your honey where you get your money" is a good one. It is best for your career and for your love life to NOT date people from work. What happens if you date for 6 months then break up? What happens if she gets promoted and is now your boss? Or if she quits and goes to work for a competitor?
Nailed it.
Please, please, don't make the same mistake I did. DO NOT date a coworker. Nothing good can come of it.
That is correct wrote:
Please, please, don't make the same mistake I did. DO NOT date a coworker. Nothing good can come of it.
You don't consider sex to be something good?
nearest hippie wrote:
1. DO NOT show up sweaty, nervous and/or stammering. This must not seem rehearsed, either. You have to approach this casually. Do not make it awkward. Make it okay, which it is.
2. Give her a charming smile and say "What's up?" (this phrase implies a casual confidence, it is important that you use it). Say, "Hey, I haven't seen you after work lately. Look, no hard feelings if you don't want to go out, okay? I don't want to mess with your schedule." Give another winning smile, wish her a good weekend or evening, and walk away.
3. DO NOT engage in a long heart-to-heart about your feelings, your sick parent, her feelings, or anything of the sort. This is a short and sweet exchange.
4. DO NOT say anything to the effect of "we can still be friends". The word friends should not come out of your mouth.
5. When you see her again, laugh and joke along with the rest of the group, subtly include her in the conversation.
Never thought I'd ever say this about LRC, but damn this is some good advice.
That said, I have little confidence that the OP can pull this off.
Move on to the next one. I wouldn't give her a second thought and I wouldn't address it with her again. Find someone who can deal with life. If she finds it difficult to say "No" to your face, then she has more problems than you want to deal with. Life is about unpleasant situations at times. She has never learned how to deal with unpleasantness. It's time to grow up, honey. How the blank would you think she would react to something of more significance down the road? She's probably hiding under her blankies now, wetting her bed over the thought of having to run into you again.
Use social media to ridicule, belittle and shame her.
OP, don't sh1t where you eat and don't date where you work. #harrassment
Mr Anderson wrote:
Move on to the next one. I wouldn't give her a second thought and I wouldn't address it with her again. Find someone who can deal with life. If she finds it difficult to say "No" to your face, then she has more problems than you want to deal with. Life is about unpleasant situations at times. She has never learned how to deal with unpleasantness. It's time to grow up, honey. How the blank would you think she would react to something of more significance down the road? She's probably hiding under her blankies now, wetting her bed over the thought of having to run into you again.
Oh come on, don't be so dramatic. Some girls have a fear of disappointing or hurting others so have a hard time saying no. That doesn't mean they "have more problems than you want to deal with." I guarantee there are some women you know and think are perfectly capable adults that would have a hard time saying no.
Her mother died, 4 members of her family were killed in a car accident on the way to her hospital. Her house burned down. Her brother was decapitated by an Amazon drone. She was still conflicted as you're such a great guy but in the end she put her family before you.
Mr Anderson wrote:
Move on to the next one. I wouldn't give her a second thought and I wouldn't address it with her again. Find someone who can deal with life. If she finds it difficult to say "No" to your face, then she has more problems than you want to deal with. Life is about unpleasant situations at times. She has never learned how to deal with unpleasantness. It's time to grow up, honey. How the blank would you think she would react to something of more significance down the road? She's probably hiding under her blankies now, wetting her bed over the thought of having to run into you again.
Unless one of you absurdly quits your job over this, you will run into each other again. You have the opportunity to be proactive and take control of the situation. Diffuse the awkwardness, if only for the sake of your own sanity. In doing so you will look more confident to not only the woman but your other co-workers as well, in that they will see the two of you interacting comfortably - even if it's platonic.
Neutral Observertard wrote:
youdon'thave ittoobad wrote:Women are crazy, man. Apparently if they touch you a lot and kiss you for six seconds they don't like you.
Maybe she was freaked out that you were looking at your watch while you were kissing her? I have never heard of anyone measuring a kiss in seconds before.
Um it's an estimation. Could have been 5, 8 secs. I don't know. You really think I used a watch to time it? You straight up crazy son.
nearest hippie wrote:
Mr Anderson wrote:Move on to the next one. I wouldn't give her a second thought and I wouldn't address it with her again. Find someone who can deal with life. If she finds it difficult to say "No" to your face, then she has more problems than you want to deal with. Life is about unpleasant situations at times. She has never learned how to deal with unpleasantness. It's time to grow up, honey. How the blank would you think she would react to something of more significance down the road? She's probably hiding under her blankies now, wetting her bed over the thought of having to run into you again.
Unless one of you absurdly quits your job over this, you will run into each other again. You have the opportunity to be proactive and take control of the situation. Diffuse the awkwardness, if only for the sake of your own sanity. In doing so you will look more confident to not only the woman but your other co-workers as well, in that they will see the two of you interacting comfortably - even if it's platonic.
I like this advice. Better than mine. I stand corrected.
dreamin wrote:
Oh come on, don't be so dramatic. Some girls have a fear of disappointing or hurting others so have a hard time saying no. That doesn't mean they "have more problems than you want to deal with." I guarantee there are some women you know and think are perfectly capable adults that would have a hard time saying no.
A "fear of disappointing others" means they have problems. If you can't communicate your feelings over such a little situation then you have problems.
Not being able to say no is a serious problem. That's how you end up in rape trouble. Stay away from girls that don't know how to say no.
Ignore her and she'll either do a 180 or walk away.
Young man, there's no need to feel down. There's no need to be unhappy.
There's a place you can go. You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find many ways to have a good time. It's fun to stay at the ymca.
All of this - the entire freaking thread - is nothing but a giant mindf#$%. You wanna know what's up? Ask her.
Another gem of a letsrun dating thread. Nice job, guys. You're really overthinking this one.
Why would you ask out a co-worker?Also, you mention head games....you're the one playing head games, not her.Poor thing is probably petrified and awkward now.Be ready for a meeting with HR.
Aaarrrrrggghhhhh wrote:
...we used to walk out of the workplace together with a few other people. Now she is nowhere to be seen at the end of the day. A few of the others walk out together but she is absent from that former group, now.
After she said yes I would wait outside my office for them to come by and we'd exit the building together, usually laughing and talking. Not so, now.
Did I get played? Did she fib? What the...?
She had dropped a hint a while ago, suggesting we go out with two other coworkers, essentially 2 couples, all 4 of whom work in the same building.
This behavior is leaving me shaking my head.
I had quit dating for a long while owing to head games of this sort...this was my first effort in. literally, years. (Had a dying parent I had to care for, too. That's the way it is: y'gotta do your duty to those who raised you.)
Input welcome. Run on.
notniceman wrote:
Dude you put her in a crappy situation:
She had to pick between offending you (by saying no) or saying "sure" to spare your feelings and avoid an awkward situation for the short term.
That's not cool man
So he shouldn't ask anyone out ever? Or just at work?
Surprise! wrote:
notniceman wrote:Dude you put her in a crappy situation:
She had to pick between offending you (by saying no) or saying "sure" to spare your feelings and avoid an awkward situation for the short term.
That's not cool man
So he shouldn't ask anyone out ever? Or just at work?
It's sexist to ask out a girl who doesn't want to go out with you. Especially at work.
youdon'thave ittoobad wrote:
Aaarrrrrggghhhhh wrote:...we used to walk out of the workplace together with a few other people. Now she is nowhere to be seen at the end of the day. A few of the others walk out together but she is absent from that former group, now.
After she said yes I would wait outside my office for them to come by and we'd exit the building together, usually laughing and talking. Not so, now.
Did I get played? Did she fib? What the...?
She had dropped a hint a while ago, suggesting we go out with two other coworkers, essentially 2 couples, all 4 of whom work in the same building.
This behavior is leaving me shaking my head.
I had quit dating for a long while owing to head games of this sort...this was my first effort in. literally, years. (Had a dying parent I had to care for, too. That's the way it is: y'gotta do your duty to those who raised you.)
Input welcome. Run on.
Could be worse.
I met a girl on a dating website and she was floored by my message and was really looking forward to our first date, a coffee date.
She touched me a lot during the date and then two hours later we made plans for a second date and I went in to hug her. It was only a coffee date so I thought we would hug. She kisses me after we hug for like six seconds.
Then we text for a few days but the second date falls through because she has to pick up a shift.
Then she doesn't respond to two more text messages and that's it.
Women are crazy, man. Apparently if they touch you a lot and kiss you for six seconds they don't like you.
So someone kisses you once and they have to marry you
She liked you a bit but not enough when she had time to think about it or didn't like the kiss
The op has not even got out of the gates. Maybe she felt awkward as you worked together or though it was a drink as work colleagues - hence the group 'date'
No group dates is the rule unless you have been going out steady for a long time
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