ESPN Story About Madison Holleran

Many liberals attend schools like Penn. Many of them are highly successful. This canard about how liberals "like to see successful people fail" is utter BS and has no basis in fact and I have to question the cognitive abilities of someone who continues to insists such nonsense.

Maybe I'm too much of an idealist but if your mental health (and life) depends on a round of psychotherapist dating, that in itself is depressing. We have to remember these people can't help themselves. Fooling others is part of the condition in some cases.And what about the cost? That's a broader health care question but no doubt part of the issue.

cast a wider net wrote:

People fool doctors all the time.

Finding a psychotherapist that works for you is like dating, you have to keep asking for "meet and greets," to hear a therapists approach and see if their personality feels right for you. There are a lot of screwed up psychotherapists who were attracted to the field for their own needs, and some of them are crappy psychotherapists (my neighbor, complete dunce) and there are brilliant psychotherapists (never stop increasing their education and skills."

etc.

Demon Deacon wrote:

Goodridge regime

oh God, so sorry

I think a huge, massive, large, unprecedented percentage of us between 20-30 would love to off ourselves immediately and would do so if it weren't for the pain it would cause our family and loved ones.

Some of us like Madison experience this to such a high degree that living is impossible even considering the pain that it will cause our loved ones.

So yes, I think this is a huge problem right now that transcends wealth, race, class, etc. For the record...people like Beth Sullivan are not helping helping. We need people in this sport who understand that basic human morality transcends everything.

C/M Runner wrote:

Is this life worth any less than Madison's? No, it isn't.

...

(wipes tears away)

I initially struggled with the same issues reading this. That there are so many tragedies, and as a subset of them, so many more "understandable" causes of depression and suicide. But now I think that is the point. It can be even harder to ask for help when one has such an enviable mix of opportunity, privilege, beauty, and talent. The internal logic can create a negative feedback loop of guilt and depression pretty quickly: "I have everything, why can't I be happy, most people would trade anything to be me, what is WRONG with me". In other words: being locked into simple expectations (something is wrong with you if you're not happy in your situation) that seem impossible to *ever* meet.

Certainly this death is not worth more than any other, but if this is a perspective worth discussing, then this story certainly does the job. Tears indeed.

Not the Same wrote:

I wish Madison were still around. I have so many questions for her. My freshman year went very similarly, in that it seemed like every talent I had just evaporated. I went from being very happy with myself to completely hating myself, which hasn't really changed. I feel like if I knew how she thought, then maybe I could compare it to myself, and maybe put together a pattern about what the hell went wrong. Regardless, she's gone. Huge loss, and I hope the world misses her as much as she deserves to be missed.

Everything that made you happy with yourself is still real, and still in there!

I read the ESPN article this morning and it's still sinking in. So much about Madison resonated w/ me because I was once her. The difference is, I am here and she is not. I'm not sure why that is so (I'm still processing).

A few years back, I wrote an e-book about my experience as a collegiate runner on the brink of self-destruction. My story was brought to the attention of some readers on this very message board. Some people were encouraging, others were not, but most doubted the credibility of my story. Looking back, I believe that the integrity of my voice was compromised because I chose to remain anonymous. After learning about Madison Holleran, I regret my decision to stay so far under the radar. At the time, I had my reasons for doing so, but those reasons mean nothing to me now. I can't help but think that had I made myself more available to the public, perhaps Madison would have reached out to me. I'll never know, but I would still like to work on making myself more available in the future so that girls like Madison can connect with someone who has shared in their experience.

I would love to get in contact w/ Madison's father. If anyone has info, please let me know.

why do you say that?

I saw Madison run in 2012, from memory she ran about 2:16 for the 800m, but I could clearly see she had a lot of untapped potential. Her body mechanics looked like she was running a mile and she didn't show the physical stress of finishing an 800m. I said to the person next to me that she was going to be good and he mentioned that she was new to running and was primarily a soccer player. Two things; one, Madison had the talent to become a really good runner. I think she could have been an NCAA star, she had natural talent and some of the intangibles you see in successful athletes.

The other thing and this is not specifically related to Madison. Nowadays parents try to hard to shield their kids from pain, rejection, failure and life's struggles. If you have never experienced adversity growing up, you are going to struggle dealing with it when it eventually comes. Once a kid steps out into the world and leave the manufactured bubble of parents, friends, suburban neighborhood and school, no one can protect them anymore. I've coached youth sports where some parents wanted every kid to be treated like a star even when the kid themselves was well aware they weren't very good, but were enjoying being part of the team. I've seen kids attend afterschool tutoring for a class, the parents hire private tutors and stay up until midnight studying to make sure they don't get a B in an AP/honors class. I think it is important for kids to have confidence in themselves and to work hard at whatever they do, but to also understand their limitations. Kids need to feel special for who they are and not what they do and that they will not excel at everything they do and that failure is an inevitable part of life.

TrackCoach wrote:

The other thing and this is not specifically related to Madison. Nowadays parents try to hard to shield their kids from pain, rejection, failure and life's struggles. If you have never experienced adversity growing up, you are going to struggle dealing with it when it eventually comes. Once a kid steps out into the world and leave the manufactured bubble of parents, friends, suburban neighborhood and school, no one can protect them anymore.

It's tough for the kids that are so talented/hardworking that they don't have the opportunity to experience adversity until college because they are so successful.

Then, there's perfect storm of living on your own, increased social pressure (partying, new friends), increased academic pressure and a huge jump in competition level. You've never experienced failure at anything and suddenly you think that you're failing at everything.

In reality, you're performing at the same level in all areas. But it takes a rare maturity to realize the full effect of existing in a bigger pond.

Hello,

I just wanted to let you know that I have your e-book on my kindle and I thought it was an amazing piece. I still read it from time to time. Having been a scholarship runner in a division 1 program in the Northeast, I could completely relate to your experience. Thanks for sharing your story.

I read your blog back then and I wanted the eBook but I was a kid without any type of credit card. Will definitely buy this soon now that I am reminded of it and a debit account.

If you want to raise awareness please share your story with any runner you can. Get in touch with any high school coach you feel comfortable with. Maybe nobody will want you to talk to their team, but I sure as hell would. I've seen too many athletes suffer from mental illness. If you live in the Northeast, I would like to get you to talk to my athletes when I start coaching. I have left my e-mail for you to contact me.

notmyrealhandle wrote:

I wonder if she felt overwhelmed by XC. Looking at athletic.net, it looks like her freshman year at Penn was her first season ever, and she was finishing 40-100 in the handful of races she ran. For someone who ran 2:08 in HS and was a star soccer player, it would be tough to be a mid-packer in a new event.

The article says she had a 3.5 GPA for the first semester. This might have felt like a "failure" to her, if she was being used to getting straight As.

bump

I've just read this after following the link from the Hale Ross thread. Many wonderful posts.

Sucks she’s gone, still.

I read the ESPN story and heard of this today.

Blown away.

She ran 21:43 for 6000m, or 18:05. That's very fast for a female athlete. And she was only a freshman.

#potential

#alwaysbeaware