Mike Rossi:
How is your participation trophy shrine?
Everybody gets a medal, no matter how slow!
Proud of you, man. Most Fox News fans your age lament that Little League participation trophies are what is wrong with America today. But not you, sir! You are teaching your kids that merely participating is good enough by enshrining medals from your races, even if thousands upon thousands of other people beat you at the race.
Hell, no need to even participate really. Cross the starting line, cross the finish line, rossi the middle.
Skip a week of school to ride on a large boat with Mickey Mouse, why not? All kinds of nautical learning was done, I'm sure. You dressed as a pirate is definitely equal to an entire semester worth of normal didactic education, no doubt about it.