My Dad is coming to visit soon, and I've been trying to think of things we could do. I'm really stressing about it though because even though I really want to show him a good time, I find him really embarrassing to be with in public because he can be loud, obnoxious, and rude, like out of every friend I have, my dad is 10X as loud and obnoxious as anyone else. The funny thing is, he's actually better than my mom... I'm 28, and I think I'm more embarrassed by my parents now than I was when I was a teenager. I have to wonder how common this is. Please say it isn't.
Is it unusual to be embarrassed by your parents as an adult?
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a real manny wrote:
My Dad is coming to visit soon, and I've been trying to think of things we could do. I'm really stressing about it though because even though I really want to show him a good time, I find him really embarrassing to be with in public because he can be loud, obnoxious, and rude, like out of every friend I have, my dad is 10X as loud and obnoxious as anyone else. The funny thing is, he's actually better than my mom... I'm 28, and I think I'm more embarrassed by my parents now than I was when I was a teenager. I have to wonder how common this is. Please say it isn't.
I think it's fairly common, but 1) check with friends and others to see if the behavior you find objectionable is actually as negative and noteworthy as you find it to be, and 2) remember that they are independent adults, and that others aren't likely to view them as somehow a reflection of or extension of you, so while you might find their behavior--if it really is objectionable--to be something you'd like to distance yourself from, "embarrassment" is not really an emotion that should apply... -
Yes, absolutely! I am appalled by my parents' behavior. My Dad once told a waiter he looked like Simon Cowell. (We haven't been back.)
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I'm ashamed to admit that I, too, find it embarrassing to be with my dad in public. He's 80 years old, and he is well into a mode where he is either oblivious to his behavior or just doesn't give a rat's arse. He unabashedly belches and farts in public at high volume, and he hits on young waitresses with a directness that offends even the gals who would normally give him a pass. Examples of the latter:
"I want to take you home with me."
"I like your tattoo. I hear that gals with tattoos will do anything you want in bed."
Even my pre-teen kids will whisper to me, "Grandpa is embarrassing himself." Pretty sad to see this well-educated man act like a drunken piece of trailer trash. -
Restaurants are the worst. Both my father and my in-law are frequently embarrassing. Last time we took my father in law to a Mexican restaurant. He tried to explain to the waiter "how we do things in this country". He want a refund because he didn't like his meal but it was prepared correctly. Although his second wife (widowed) pushed him to do it.
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tycobb wrote: Restaurants are the worst.
That's another thing. My dad isn't short on cash, but he is the worst tipper. Still thinks 5 - 10% is acceptable. When he insists on picking up the check, I'm always slipping extra cash on table to cover the tip shortage. -
In the club wrote:
tycobb wrote: Restaurants are the worst.
That's another thing. My dad isn't short on cash, but he is the worst tipper. Still thinks 5 - 10% is acceptable. When he insists on picking up the check, I'm always slipping extra cash on table to cover the tip shortage.
My old man was the opposite. Once he got into his 80s and still insisted on paying he tipped over 100% because math and numbers confused him. $40 check with $60 tip because he couldn't figure out what 3 $20 amounts to. -
Plus he thought he had oil money like T. Boone Pickens or something. Not realizing his retirement savings was slowly running dry and his social security payments were way less than he perceived. Stop keeping track of his bank accounts and thought everything could be used as a tax write off. Like a 120% for the waitress at Red Lobster was tax deductible.
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you've gotta be kidding wrote:
Positive Contribution wrote:
In the club wrote:
tycobb wrote: Restaurants are the worst.
That's another thing. My dad isn't short on cash, but he is the worst tipper. Still thinks 5 - 10% is acceptable. When he insists on picking up the check, I'm always slipping extra cash on table to cover the tip shortage.
My old man was the opposite. Once he got into his 80s and still insisted on paying he tipped over 100% because math and numbers confused him. $40 check with $60 tip because he couldn't figure out what 3 $20 amounts to.
There is no way your dad is that mathematically ignorant! If so you need to get him some help as his mind is not working correctly. The more probable reason for his leaving the big tip was so that his ungrateful children didn't have an inheritance.
Simple solution really. We don't go out to eat that often and when we do I pay since I have the job now and to "pay him back for all those years of paying for me". -
tycobb wrote:
Restaurants are the worst. Both my father and my in-law are frequently embarrassing. Last time we took my father in law to a Mexican restaurant. He tried to explain to the waiter "how we do things in this country". He want a refund because he didn't like his meal but it was prepared correctly. Although his second wife (widowed) pushed him to do it.
That sounds familiar. My dad often complains about a place and the service very loudly so that many people can hear. He's oblivious to both the volume of his voice (despite not having hearing problems) and the fact he's being very impolite. He's very loud and obnoxious all dinner long sometimes to the point other tables start staring at us. There've been times when he's tried to have long conversations with our servers as he tries to explain things to them that have nothing to do with their job at the moment. I just get tired of having to treat him like a loudmouth child. If a child acts like a child, that's expected and understandable, but I feel like a man in his early 60s should have at least a loose grip on how to act in public and how to interact with other human beings. -
Look at it this way.
Both my parents have passed.
I would love the chance to be embarrassed by them again. -
There ya' go. Also, at restaurants in Florida especially, they have these "early bird specials" for seniors that start around 4:30 p.m. that are very popular, so if ya' take him there he's likely surrounded by others of the same age, who behave the same way so he doesn't stand out so much. Also, he gets a discount and the waitress tend to be older as well, so no come ons likely or comments about tramp stamps (hopefully). (However, the father who said the waiter reminded him of Simon Cowell should have been 86'd.)
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Any Which Way But Loose wrote:
Look at it this way.
Both my parents have passed.
I would love the chance to be embarrassed by them again.
This. Exactly.
My dad was pretty bad (he used his cane to hook a teenager under the arm who was cutting line at a ride in Epcot!). However, I'd gladly be embarrassed by his antics. He died in 2009 and my mom died in 2010.
OP suck it up. Your time with them is limited. -
You are never embarrassed by your parents when you are an adult. That is one of the things that being an adult means. It also means being appreciative amongst other learned behaviors.
Just wait till you mature.. you will then understand. -
truth or care wrote:
You are never embarrassed by your parents when you are an adult. That is one of the things that being an adult means. It also means being appreciative amongst other learned behaviors.
Just wait till you mature.. you will then understand.
This ^
Truly brilliant! -
I feel your pain!
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Positive Contribution wrote:
you've gotta be kidding wrote:
Positive Contribution wrote:
In the club wrote:
tycobb wrote: Restaurants are the worst.
That's another thing. My dad isn't short on cash, but he is the worst tipper. Still thinks 5 - 10% is acceptable. When he insists on picking up the check, I'm always slipping extra cash on table to cover the tip shortage.
My old man was the opposite. Once he got into his 80s and still insisted on paying he tipped over 100% because math and numbers confused him. $40 check with $60 tip because he couldn't figure out what 3 $20 amounts to.
There is no way your dad is that mathematically ignorant! If so you need to get him some help as his mind is not working correctly. The more probable reason for his leaving the big tip was so that his ungrateful children didn't have an inheritance.
Simple solution really. We don't go out to eat that often and when we do I pay since I have the job now and to "pay him back for all those years of paying for me".
hahaha what a loser and piece of crap -
It's usual to be embarrassed by how you were embarrassed by your parents as an adult when they're dead.
