Family vs Career vs Running

I workout much less with more intensity.

I had to deal with my own awesome capacity to be distracted. Once I got some awareness around that, it was much easier to workout less.

I also got myself into a job that fully supports working a limited number of hours. I work at work and don't outside the office as a general rule. My boss fully supports it.

There is no substitute for spending lots of time with your kids. None. You can't compress it like a meeting.

Yeah, if my job went from 9-5 only, it would be a lot easier.

I have a strong desire to be successful at my job, which means I do some research when I get home or other work-related things (which I am not getting paid for!) It's tough to not be an "exerciser" because it seems that if I can't run at least 80 mpw and run marathons, I have less motivation to run at all. It's really bad. I think I may just have to make it a goal to run 5 miles a day and leave it at that. Then I at least exercise and not gain weight.

run the town wrote:

Yeah, if my job went from 9-5 only, it would be a lot easier.

I have a strong desire to be successful at my job, which means I do some research when I get home or other work-related things (which I am not getting paid for!) It's tough to not be an "exerciser" because it seems that if I can't run at least 80 mpw and run marathons, I have less motivation to run at all. It's really bad. I think I may just have to make it a goal to run 5 miles a day and leave it at that. Then I at least exercise and not gain weight.

Re: 'success'

Not sure why you had kids if you are so career driven. They don't raise themselves or unde rstand 'quality time.'

Re: exercise

I learned to make the little time count. Kids need you very much when they are young. You can run marathons later.

We're big believers in the attachment parenting model. She's a teenager now and doing great.

I'm not in your shoes, but from what you describe, it seems impossible. You can try to squeeze something in if your spouse or family chips in.

How do you do it?

stop working overtime. even 9-5 or whatever, it is very very hard to do.

but working OT regularly is not healthy and doesn't really get you further ahead. it only lowers your hourly rate.

stop working overtime. even 9-5 or whatever, it is very very hard to do.

but working OT regularly is not healthy and doesn't really get you further ahead. it only lowers your hourly rate.[/quote]

Right, except if you get paid for overtime... then it raises your hourly rate.

By the way, does anybody that doesn't get paid overtime actually use the term "overtime"?

Family > Running > Career

All points taken.

I might have an easier time when the snow melts and I can use the baby jogger again.

I am 65 and a grandparent now. I raised two wonderful kids and have been married to the same person for over 40 years now. When I run at national masters races I usually finish in the top 5-10 of my age group. Locally, I am almost always 1st or 2nd in my age group in a fairly competitive region of the country. I have had a good, but not great professional career. I definitely could have performed at a higher level in running. However, early on I decided that family was my first priority, career was my second priority and running was a close third behind career. If I wanted balance in my life it was going to mean that I had to make some career compromises and training compromises. I will never know how much better I could have done in my career or my running if I had put that first, but I know that I could not have done more to be a good parent and spouse. I have no regrets and now I'm ready to move running up to second priority as my career winds up.

I definitely view running as a lifelong thing so it just doesn't feel right not running. At first it was just a break but then the months go by. But I have been choosing to spend my free time with my son and I'm fine with that too.

I will have to try to go home earlier from work. I will have to check what the employment laws are. I still have time after my son goes to bed. I will have to make that run time.

Options:

You can run before work assuming your spouse will care for your child if he's awake. Run at work if possible (lunch hr). Run after work before you even step foot in the door and have your spouse be with the kiddo. Move bed time up half an hr and get some extra miles in after he goes to bed. You could get a treadmill if needed, double on the weekends or any day you are off from work. My wife and I each run about 70-80mpw when we are in peak training and we have two kids. It's not easy but it takes planning and communication with your spouse and even your kid(s).

It's a balance, but I'm a better parent and employee when I'm able to run consistently.

My spouse "will" take care of the kid at 5 am for me to go running, but he won't be happy about it. He is taking care of him all night now since I am night-weaning my son.

I don't get home from work until 6-7 pm, so can't run before that.

No lunch hour (Someone else suggested this to me a while ago. Who the heck gets an hour for lunch?!?)

I will get a treadmill. I hate the thing, but I will have time every night after bedtime.

You're right, if you want to do it, you can. Some days I really feel like I DO need a run to be sane but I am so out of the habit.

Can you run at lunch? How about running back and forth to work or if you live too far from work to run all the way what about driving to, say five miles from work and running the rest of the way? What about getting treadmill and running while you're watching your toddler? What about trading free time with your wife, e.g., you get an hour or so when you're home and she watches your kid and then later you watch the kid and free her to go to the gym, walk with friends, whatever she wants to do. My wife and I did that a lot when the kids were little. What about really piling on the miles on the weekend when you're not working, maybe getting in a couple 15-20 mile days, maybe with four runs, and just doing that five miles on weekdays?

It can be done. Lots of people do it but it probably will take some discipline and creativity. I always have found that if you look at a day and ask yourself if there's time to run the answer is often "no." But if you look at a day, decide that you're going to run and ask when, you find a time.

At any rate, your kids won't be little for all that long. Even if you can only work in a half hour or so most days it will keep you relatively fit and when they're older and can be on their own for longer periods you can ratchet up the training and won't have as big a hill to climb.

OP spends more time posting on LR than actually running. For all the lounging she does on LR, she could be running 120+mpw.

First, don't feel guilty for wanting to run. You need to renew yourself for the sake of those around you, and yourself.

I am a MUCH lower MPW runner than you, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I have a 1 year old and with my wife's work schedule I take care of our daughter a lot. I had to realign my goals. Instead of topping out at 40 mpw, I now top out at 30. I find the added stress on my body from getting less sleep and having more illnesses means I just can't hit the same mileage I used to.

Mentally, I made a deal with myself. I knew that my PR's would be unattainable the first few years of fatherhood, so I made the challenge to see how close I can get to my PR's now as a dad. This fall I ran a 1:26 (PR is 1:24). It's actually much closer that I thought I would get, especially given that I had less training than I thought I would. I found I trained smarter since I was able to do less.

I know it is difficult, and you seem to be in a much more competitive sphere than I am, but my best advice is to try and be "playful" with it. See how close your "parent" self can get to your "pre-parent" self. It becomes more like a fun game. If you find you are still stressed, try out a new game--trail races or something like that, so you aren't constantly comparing your "new" self to your "old" self. Parenthood changes things, especially for people who spend lots of time caring for their kids. Be gentle with yourself. I am a teacher, and I have seen the difference a good parent can make. In the end, the time with your kid will be worth it.

run the town wrote:

I definitely view running as a lifelong thing so it just doesn't feel right not running. At first it was just a break but then the months go by. But I have been choosing to spend my free time with my son and I'm fine with that too.

I will have to try to go home earlier from work. I will have to check what the employment laws are. I still have time after my son goes to bed. I will have to make that run time.

If you are checking employment law, then it's not a good work environment for a parent. Your boss needs to be invested in your life choices or else it's going to be an unhealthy environment for you.

Re-read the grandfather's post. Once kids are in the picture, that's best case and a fundamentally good, meaningful life.

Get that husband to pitch in more. Everyone wins.

LOL to posting on LR while I should be running. I think many moms are online while their kid is playing.

And yeah...no, my boss certainly doesn't give a @#$% about having a family. He just doesn't. His own kids do not speak to him if that says anything.

With more experience and gaining a reputation (people know people in my field) I might open up some more options for myself.

Ever since I got a really good job (which also requires a lot of work), I get home, and I barely have motivation for anything. In college I averaged 80-100 miles a week, and now I do 30 miles a week. I realize now Im never gonna be a Olympic Trials type guy, and, in all honesty, 30 miles a week with weights 3-4 times a week keeps me in great shape, and I don't look nearly as emaciated. I say, unless you were getting really close to being an "elite" status runner before kids, it would be better just to join the "30 mile a week Club" and enjoy time with your husband/children. Running should be an escape, but it should not drain you from your life. My 2 cents.