Oh please, you didn't just bring Cross fit into the mix? I love Jesusand I can't even stomach your example.
Oh please, you didn't just bring Cross fit into the mix? I love Jesusand I can't even stomach your example.
Mfillmore wrote:
Oh please, you didn't just bring Cross fit into the mix? I love Jesusand I can't even stomach your example.
Bro, that's cool. But that's probably where our similarities end. E.g. BUFF on one side, skinny guy on the other side etc.
Turkey Runner wrote:
It is my wife's turn to hold her family Thanksgiving this year. Last year we traveled to my relatives with no major issues other than griping, sniping, and grumbling from her family.
The last Thanksgiving I went to with her family basically runs down like this:
her mother and she and her siblings aren't on the best of terms ever to say the least, but they all make a show of "being able to get together" and they never address or resolve any differences or conflict. So once they resolve the argument over where to hold it, who cooks what, and what time it is, they have apparent peace, but in reality it is just resentment and sniping building up to a boiling point for Thanksgiving Day. Comments about how the food doesn't taste right and what food is missing etc. start it off. Then comments to the kids like "don't do that, your uncle/aunt is uptight and that kind of play upsets him" (they were loading, cranking, and shooting bbs guns in the house and ruining drywall). If I say nothing my wife says I am not defending her, if I say something she starts defending her family. No win situation.
This year my wife got a call asking if Thanksgiving was at our house from the black sheep (if that is possible in this family) who stole from the grandparents and doesn't really get along with anyone. So we think they may show up which will probably cause a fistfight. Amongst the regular dysfunctionals, this year's looming surface argument is about whether or not to say grace, when to say, it what to say, and how. Apparently my new brother-in-law is agnostic (supposedly in your face) and a sister-in-law is Jewish. A niece is dating someone they "think he may be a Muslim" (no one apparently is smart enough to just ask). So my wife is hearing from the family that if there is a simple grace that we will tick off just about everyone. I suggested a short and sweet "Thank you for bringing us all together as a family, as we think of family afar and departed that we remember and are prayerful for, we are especially thankful for the bounty of our table and our lives, and we pray or hold our thoughts in our heart in silence for moment ... thank you" Seems as non-denominational etc. as it can get. Apparently, next the plan was that people will take turns, so we can have a Muslim, a Hebrew, ours, and an agnostic point of view/blessing shared. Now we are being given the word that people will not attend or walk if that goes down, and apparently words have been exchanged between family members.
I told my wife it is my house, she says "our", and that at some point we have to make the rules and decisions because her dysfunctional family cannot. Of course she cries etc. etc. Somehow I am beginning to be the bad guy, because since it is at my house everyone holds me responsible for their family nonsense. At this point I am just gonna say nothing and when it comes time to serve either say what I originally proposed or just do a toast and say "Thank you all for coming to our house, we are grateful to all of you being here to help our children learn respect and honor for family, and know that today will be a great day to remember our togetherness."
Just you and your wife, together all day cherishing each other in your little family. That's what we have done for 20 years. That day is ours.
I expect nuclear armageddon to ensue no matter what I do. Given the ramblings and dysfunction on this board, seems I probably am not the first to face these questions so I got two:
1. anyone got a better suggestion on the grace issue, besides going out for a long run the whole day?
2. when should someone call the police on a family fight on thanksgiving? Unfortunately, this is a real question cause it is 50/50 that they will be blows.
Turkey Runner wrote:
It is my wife's turn to hold her family Thanksgiving this year. Last year we traveled to my relatives with no major issues other than griping, sniping, and grumbling from her family.
The last Thanksgiving I went to with her family basically runs down like this:
her mother and she and her siblings aren't on the best of terms ever to say the least, but they all make a show of "being able to get together" and they never address or resolve any differences or conflict. So once they resolve the argument over where to hold it, who cooks what, and what time it is, they have apparent peace, but in reality it is just resentment and sniping building up to a boiling point for Thanksgiving Day. Comments about how the food doesn't taste right and what food is missing etc. start it off. Then comments to the kids like "don't do that, your uncle/aunt is uptight and that kind of play upsets him" (they were loading, cranking, and shooting bbs guns in the house and ruining drywall). If I say nothing my wife says I am not defending her, if I say something she starts defending her family. No win situation.
This year my wife got a call asking if Thanksgiving was at our house from the black sheep (if that is possible in this family) who stole from the grandparents and doesn't really get along with anyone. So we think they may show up which will probably cause a fistfight. Amongst the regular dysfunctionals, this year's looming surface argument is about whether or not to say grace, when to say, it what to say, and how. Apparently my new brother-in-law is agnostic (supposedly in your face) and a sister-in-law is Jewish. A niece is dating someone they "think he may be a Muslim" (no one apparently is smart enough to just ask). So my wife is hearing from the family that if there is a simple grace that we will tick off just about everyone. I suggested a short and sweet "Thank you for bringing us all together as a family, as we think of family afar and departed that we remember and are prayerful for, we are especially thankful for the bounty of our table and our lives, and we pray or hold our thoughts in our heart in silence for moment ... thank you" Seems as non-denominational etc. as it can get. Apparently, next the plan was that people will take turns, so we can have a Muslim, a Hebrew, ours, and an agnostic point of view/blessing shared. Now we are being given the word that people will not attend or walk if that goes down, and apparently words have been exchanged between family members.
I told my wife it is my house, she says "our", and that at some point we have to make the rules and decisions because her dysfunctional family cannot. Of course she cries etc. etc. Somehow I am beginning to be the bad guy, because since it is at my house everyone holds me responsible for their family nonsense. At this point I am just gonna say nothing and when it comes time to serve either say what I originally proposed or just do a toast and say "Thank you all for coming to our house, we are grateful to all of you being here to help our children learn respect and honor for family, and know that today will be a great day to remember our togetherness."
Bring up the topic of circumcision.
I expect nuclear armageddon to ensue no matter what I do. Given the ramblings and dysfunction on this board, seems I probably am not the first to face these questions so I got two:
1. anyone got a better suggestion on the grace issue, besides going out for a long run the whole day?
2. when should someone call the police on a family fight on thanksgiving? Unfortunately, this is a real question cause it is 50/50 that they will be blows.
Ask your wife if she really wants to host it. If the family doesn't like each other, why even bother? Volunteer to call each and every one of them personally so you can tell them not to come. It sounds like it would feel good to call and say, "Based on your past behavior and inability to enjoy the holidays in a civilized manner, we're not hosting or attending Thanksgiving this year. We don't want to host any events that contribute to fighting and strife among family members. Do not come because we won't be home."
You could also tell your wife ahead of time that you aren't putting up with it. Tell her you'll leave when the fireworks start so it's not a surprise to her. Leave your phone at home and wordlessly walk out to the movies or bar for the day when the fighting starts.
Tell them you just won the Powerball Jackpot and you are going to cancel Thanksgiving and buy yourself a new family that you can get along with as soon as you get a new phone number and move to an unidentified location.
Your wife must be really good looking, because she and her family sound like a nightmare.
Long hard run early that morning to mellow you out. At least hard tempo effort. You want your senses and mind dulled and your body focused on recovery. This will help you just passively accept most of what happens later.
Have an emergency plan worked out with your wife in advance. Come up with a unified reaction and response for any fights that may be violent or lead to injury.
Agree: No weapons allowed in your house. If your wife disagrees you have bigger problems...
Good idea: 20 seconds of silence instead of verbal grace. If individuals want to say grace to themselves or others they may. If others want to listen (or not) they may. Tell people "Thank you for coming to our home and sharing this time together" and then explain what will occur.
Have the big meal as early in the day as possible. Overstuffed people are less aggressive and hopefully they will just sit around after. Sort of like lions after they gorge.
I like the idea of sitting at the kid's table. Volunteer to do this and entertain that group in advance to bolster your standing with parents.
Have something mindless to distract people after the meal.. TV and football will do it for many. Get another TV to provide another option.
Volunteer to clean up and do dishes. At least you will score points with your wife. Invite the most volatile individuals to help you. Keep them focused on the task as a distraction.
Its only one day. How hard can it be? Embrace the pain and suck it up.
At least you will get your run in and have a decent meal, so the day will not be a total loss.
I love this thread!
Lot's of people go through this. You are not alone.
It may be about saying grace this time. Next time something else…
I feel so lucky this year… it's just my family coming over, not the in-laws. Now my family has issues, but we don't go 'Jerry Springer' on each other. Only one true loose canon and that fool is mellowed out at the moment. 3 hours and it will be over. Fulfilling, meh, not that much. But I will escape fairly drama free and have fun with the immediate family and then friends the rest of the weekend.
One in-law threatened to come… the one I call the nasty grenade. Just goes off and hits anyone nearby with their crap. Well, ironically, this person has a high income profession simply for the status of it, but can't delay gratification at all, so they've maxed out their credit, live check to check, and can't afford the plane ticket. Hahahahahahah. I don't have to see them for at least another 9 months+. Hahahahah. I win! Sorry, that's terrible, but truly how I feel.
My in-laws can't even get along with each other to even get a dinner planned. Years ago they used to cause grief for me, but I just stopped playing the game. Eventually they started fighting with each other. We don't have to go because they all don't even speak to each other. It's fantastic! So I'm off the hook on paying for multiple plane tickets across the country and burning precious vacation time for days of what I call trying to be peacefully indifferent with minimal engagement.
And the joke about the kids table is pretty good advice in my opinion. The nieces and nephews are the only ones I have fun with. I ignore all the adults.
I love this quote for moments such as yours… "The wolf does not fret over the opinions of sheep." Be the wolf, man. Be the wolf. You are a reasonable dude, do what you do, and don't worry about what sheep think.
Good luck.
Long run in the morning, doing dishes, getting really into the football game… those are great suggestions too! I've used all those before with some success.
I'm going to my in-laws this year, but even from afar my own side of the family is causing drama. Just got a "thank you letter" not even thinly disguised as an F-off letter from my sister in law. She's only been in the family for a year and it's clearly her way or the highway... which, is fine....she lives so far away its family easy to ignore her, but it's kind of sad. Feels like I'm losing my brother in the process. Stewed over it all night.... guess its time for a nice easy run.... can't trash my legs before the local turkey trot tomorrow!
Most people don't say grace before dinner anyway. A toast is good enough.
OP, you really need to grow a pair and simply tell your wife that you're not going to endure the family nonsense. If she still insists on hosting (or attending) the family gathering, then perhaps you should take full advantage of her apparent masochism by introducing a little bondage into your sex life.
Seriously, stories like this make me glad that I am divorced. My ex wife's family was full of idiots, and the only way I could stand the family gatherings was to bring my own booze and drift into a mellow stupor as the day went on.
My rule for family engagements is: 1) drink during and 2) laugh at any stupid drama with my wife later.
How has nobody mentioned the need to rail your wife before her family comes over? Seriously, just surprise her in the kitchen a few hours before and drill her. The whole dinner she'll be thinking about you.
Also, maybe make some cannabis edible biscuits..
All problems now solved. Happy Thanksgiving. Peace.
Can't be as bad as this dinner gathering. Hooah
exthrower wrote:
genuine random a hole wrote:Specifically, their food scientists.
Yes, their food scientists who couldn't read or write....lol
You again. Did you get hit in the head by a discus or what?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_scriptAnd the Incas, even without writing, built an earthquake-proof city with an extensive irrigation system including freshwater aqueducts. Let's see you do that, Mr. I-can-read.
Corn took many millennia of selective breeding to turn into a big, juicy, high-calorie, gluten-free meal. Meanwhile Europe's "scientists" were trying to turn lead into gold and mining salamander hair.
lol, I am dealing with my sister and her fiance who just came over with their noisy dog, first fight and door slam has already happened... hahha oh thanksgiving!
And the Incas, even without writing, built an earthquake-proof city with an extensive irrigation system including freshwater aqueducts. Let's see you do that, Mr. I-can-read.
They should have spent more time on smallpox- and Spaniard-proofing their cities.
I hosted a pre-Thanksgiving celebration and there was nothing but harmony and convivial conversation all night. Oh, yeah, and we even held hands around the dinner table as we all said grace.
Enjoy your strife-filled, godless family gatherings tomorrow, y'all!