Like many here and on the internet in general, I'd be interested to see how this ends. Finding stories of even slightly positive long term relationships with BPD women seem hard to find on the internet. I keep searching to try and justify the ending of my relationship with my BPD girlfriend. I'm also interested in any behaviors of BPD women during the pandemic. Has spending more time at home with a BPD partner impacted the relationship.
My ex was undiagnosed BPD, self diagnosed as a Highly Sensitive Person. I initially thought she had "only" severe depression. But researching after the relationship ended; BPD plus severe depression seems a reasonable view, though I am not qualified to diagnose.
The relationship was over 6 years but with big gaps after break-ups. We were together three times. Actual time together in a relationship was either between 25 or 29 months; this varied as she supposedly fully broke up with me very early on the third time we got together, just before lockdown and 3 months before we moved in together. In hindsight this breakup seems to have been planned to allow her a final meet with her ex boyfriend and a subsequent meet for sex with either him or a one-off from internet dating. Each of the three times we were in a relationship, they became worse, but the final time was fairly awful in entirety. This was probably because I was being punished for leaving her the second time (even though I was told to go after the first full meltdown I had seen), she left her current partner for me but clearly still remained in love with him (I was being triangulated like she had also done with him) and we were living together (a new experience for both of us). Due to Covid we were in the flat together permanently and she was completely paranoid about the virus; it meant any task or going outside was almost impossible. I'm a runner and outdoor person; so my health and mental state suffered considerably.
Her worry about Covid may not be BPD or even HSP related. She was always an indoor person and this to some degree may have been the perfect excuse not to go out and to lock her and me away.
I can provide more stories, but they are very typical BPD female. The last two months I didn't know who I was, severe depression, anxiety and extreme nervousness. She wanted me gone and was using all emotional techniques to finish me; belittling, extreme rages, days of silent treatment followed by switches to complete normality. The rages included the most disgusting language I have ever heard, spitting on me and physical abuse on two occasions. I think she was surprised I finally said I was leaving, I didn't want to and I did want to return. I was undignified begging to return as I did plan to spend my life and have a family with her.
After 2 months my brain does still crave the daily drama and turmoil. Normal life was what I wanted to escape to, but now I have it, I desperately miss her. Like most BPD women she could also be incredibly affectionate, was very intelligent and attractive. I am in therapy, which is something I thought I'd never do in my life. I may never be completely the same again, but I'll improve.
Since learning about BPD, I understand some of the pain she must have felt and it does make me feel incredibly sad for her and ashamed I was unable to have deep conversations about her problems. She would always say I would run away; but part of the condition is that they push you away, you have almost no choice but to leave eventually. Maybe my story with her is not over yet as I was her first real boyfriend and each time we have got back together it is like she needed me back to save her from something. But this time I think she permanently painted me black when in a broken mental state I told her I no longer loved her and wanted to leave. I am also deluded and in denial in thinking she really does love me and that my story could be any different to 95% of those on the internet.
I don't want to advise any men with BPD partners as I'm still foolishly in love with my ex. However, educate yourself as soon as red flags start appearing, set boundaries and try and have some self respect; all things I failed with.