Bad news. Hospice folks came over today. In talking with them I communicated some real sweating issues I had been having with one of the medications. Their response too me very much by surprise. I thought, in my head, that it was purely the medication. After talking with the pain management specialist he suspects the issue is the fact that the amount of disease in my body is so great the disease is actually destroyed all of my marrow. I am living on borrowed time. Transfusions are the only the kind keeping me alive. With no more marrow to take over the only place left is brain tissue. I will start to see mental and physical degradation begin to occur. Anything simple, walking, eating, talking, etc, will become impossible as it continues to take over. They didn't give me a time frame, but, essentially, my body will start to reject transfusions and I will being to fail. If I get another two months I will be shocked. So, unfortunately, the end is closing in and I am pretty scared. I will be going to work tomorrow to do my short term disability and start working on the last few things I can do for my family. Books for the kids and my autobiography, if I can make it that far. I guess that will be my new job. I am pretty devestated. I wanted to believe the longer of the time frames their pointed out that I might have, but, it seems the shorter end of the spectrum seems to be the reality. Hopefully I can do all this and pass before I run out of 100% disability benefits. That way my family would have as much of their income as possible. I can't believe this is happening. I am so scared, angry, frustrated, disappointed, disillusioned, broken and lost. Honestly, I don't even know where to go from here. I am praying I can get the important stuff done before time runs out. My kids' books, my autobiography, etc. I don't know if it will happen in time, but, I am going to try like I am running that first marathon with everything in my being to tell them "We have won!" I wish I had better news, but, I wanted to tell everyone who has followed me along the way, "Thank you." It really has meant a lot to have this motley crew here with me. As I find time to write, I will. Right now, I am just in such shock I am totally lost in the moment. The wife and I have been crying and talking for an hour and we're drinking some Hornsby's Hard Cider Amber Draft. I mean, what, am I going to become an alcoholic in a month? Not likely. Tomorrow will be my last day of work. There are a few things I'd like to try and do before I can't do it any more. Oh the turns life takes. I look back and think, "If only we had not moved here, Frisco, Texas, I would be alive, healthy, moving forward with my life." And the sad part is, the city isn't even talking about it. How horrifying is that! Sorry for the dark post. I just needed somewhere to vent instead of on my kids. For every husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, brother, sister, parent, lover...go, right now, tell the people in your life you love them. You have no idea how that may be gone in the blink of an eye. Thank you my friends for being here for me. If anyone is interested in my autobiography let me know. I am not a professional writer. I am no one famous. I am just a guy who has struggled to get through my 35 years of life. But, my story is real and maybe, somehow, it would help you. Help you laugh, cry, know you're not alone. I don't know. If this is something you might like email me at will dot steele at live dot com. I'll send copies once they are done. Take care and thank you for supporting me through this waking nightmare. Each and everyone one of you has made a REAL, TANGIBLE impact in my life. Trolls, cheerleaders, supporters, wallflowers. Enough. I'm going get drunk. : )