Guys that cheated on your wives....do you regret it?

I never cheated on my ex physically, but when our marriage had all but entered a death spiral I fell in love with someone else (and kind of confessed it, he was also married). The involvement with the third party made me feel like a garbage person and put the last nail in the coffin of a 20+ year relationship. A single physical incident might not be as bad in some spouse's eyes, but none of it is going to improve your relationship. Unless you have sociopathic tendencies, you're not likely to feel great about violating your spouse's trust, either, whether she catches you or not.

I think a lot of us have a hard time with monogamy. Marriages get stale and life together can be tough and boring. It's just a shame most can't talk honestly about it and try to figure it out together. If you've got a basically decent relationship, I think it's worth putting the effort in to try to make it work. In a case like mine, where communication was terrible and it was financially feasible to leave, I think it's fair to remember YOLO and get the heck out before your spirit is totally dead. Just don't stay and cheat.

Is cheating on "your wives" a tautology? If you have more than one wife, when you're with one wife aren't you cheating on the others?

On the other hand, if it isn't cheating, or the wives don't care, do they care if you're with additional women? Is there a limit to the number of wives you can have? Is it OK to be with any number of other women as long as you're considering marrying them too?

HE wrote:

Probably the best advice I can give you is pay a weekly visit to a Massage Parlor and get a Happy Ending. Nothing wrong with a good manual release - relieves the tension and desire. With NO cheating.

Isn't this cheating? How do you suppose the ending is happy?

I have been married 20 years and never cheated. Unlike some here I never felt like cheating either.

I just could never do anything to hurt the person I love so much. Yes there are lot of hot girls out there but none are worth what I have with my wife.

If your relationship is not good then end the relationship before fucking around.

I’m the wife that is currently being cheated on.

Just don’t do it, it really sucks.

At some point, maybe in 10 years, maybe in 20 years, my 3yo daughter will work out that her daddy cheated on mommy with his new soulmate. Don’t be that daddy.

The only people that don't cheat are the ones that never have the opportunity (eg. fat/ugly/zero game). Then they justify their actions by saying "I'd never cheat because I love my spouse". Try being a 10/10 like me and having women come over to your place for a quick business meeting and end up sucking your dick.

I've been married for 10 years, with 2 kids. One thing I know is that if I ever caught my wife cheating, I'd be absolutelty devastated - not because of my hurt ego, but because I'd have to deal with the aftermath and the inevitable permanent damage it would do to our lives and lives of our kids. That's why I never take any steps to check/spy on my wife and I told her plain and simple that if she ever cheats on me, she must keep it to herself. I don't care how guilty her conscience gets, just suck it up and deal with it. That's the price she'd have to pay for infidelity. By telling me about it, she'd make all of us, kids included, pay the price so she could feel better about herself, and that's a whole new level of selfish.

My best friend had a lady on the side for a year and a half while he was in a relationship with his long-time GF. It ended without anyone finding out (with an exception of him telling me, which he definitely shouldn't have) and he and his GF are now married with 3 kids and living happily ever after. He doesn't regret it a single bit and considers it a great time. On the other hand, my parent's friend got caught banging a co-worker and now he and his wife have been stuck with each other in a toxic, hate-filled relationshit where they don't even try to keep appearances anymore but think it's too late to get divorced and start over.

So, some guys might have guilt conscience and some may not, but if you get caught or spill the beans yourself you will most definitely wish you hadn't.

jizzmo2003 wrote:

Ive done it a few times, felt guilty, but it's just a physical act.

As long as your other woman isnt all gooey eyed about you, go for it. it's just sex.

Ya, I am sure your wife would agree. What a dirtbag.

young lad wrote:

I love my wife, we have sex weekly and our relationship is otherwise great, but I literally crave having sex with other women. I'm thinking of having fun on the side of my marriage. Has anybody here been in this situation(or similar ) and regreted it or not?

what would Flagpole Willy do?

Some of these posts are downright disturbing. My dad unapologetically cheated on my mom a few years ago, she found out and I saw what it did to her. She is a wonderful person, maybe a little naive, and he is beyond lucky to have her.

I can honestly say that when my dad is old, I'll be taking care of him out of a feeling of obligation only, if I'm honest, I have no genuine love for him anymore and find him impossible to respect. He became like a stranger to me since the incident. My siblings feel the same way. All I've learned from him is what not to be.

So yeah. Don't be that dad.

kibuc wrote:

I told her plain and simple that if she ever cheats on me, she must keep it to herself. I don't care how guilty her conscience gets, just suck it up and deal with it. That's the price she'd have to pay for infidelity. By telling me about it, she'd make all of us, kids included, pay the price so she could feel better about herself, and that's a whole new level of selfish.

Ignorance is bliss, I guess...

I don't think it's impossible that my wife would ever cheat on me (pretty much everyone is capable of it, if they're not careful), but I do think she would tell me if it ever happened. I find this comforting. I'd much rather go through a horrible period of rehabilitating a relationship or a messy divorce than live a lie.

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beawhore wrote:

I cheated on the woman that I will be marrying here in a few months. It was two months into our relationship, but I regretted it the day after I did it. She found out, and I cried like a baby and promised never to do it again. To be honest, she is the best that I can do. If you cheat, plan on getting caught and if you think you will beg for forgiveness, don't do it. If you don't care if you get caught, get a divorce.

Wow. So you cried...that manipulated her. Awesome. Way to start a marriage with a strong foundation.

And you say "she is the best I can do". Oh. My. GOD. Seriously man, grow a pair. Obviously you (and her) have issues that need to be addressed BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED. Your self esteem is super low, and she'll have the upper hand in EVERY argument/discussion you have from now forward; you have set yourself up for years of walking on eggshells - after all, YOU, my friend, are the cheater; and she is the queen who you don't deserve (as in the "best that I can do").

I've heard "soul mate" used in this thread. No such thing - don't believe it if someone says that. There is no possible way to know if the woman (or man) you're marrying is the "only one" for you, because I'm pretty sure you haven't met all the wo/men on the planet to make that determination.

My wife cheated 2 years in....then again a decade or two later. I did as well about 10 in. All situations are different, and I forgave her. However, she didn't ever forgive me - despite professing that she and I were "soul mates." Do I regret my actions - nope, because they made me face who I was, and then take steps to make myself a better person.

I have since taken my own advice and moved on from that disaster. It took me a while to realize what the real issues were, and then I worked my ass off to not be manipulated by tears or temper tantrums, and then worked on getting away.

My points here are:

1) If you get married, don't cheat. If you cheat, don't get married until you don't want to cheat anymore (doesn't apply to "open" marriages that are agreed in advance).

2) Every situation is different, so taking a blanket approach (e.g. all cheating is bad) doesn't work either.

3) Don't manipulate, and recognize when someone is trying to manipulate you.

4) Work towards making yourself a better you - you can't change people, they have to do that on their own.

5) Wear a condom.

6) Getting married? - PRENUP. Both men and women should ensure that is all figured out in advance. Marriage is a contract. You need to ensure both parties are protected in the event of something going wrong. It's good sense to do this, take the emotions out of it - and it's just good planning.

There is no such thing as a "soul mate" or "the one". Pure ridiculous romantic garbage best saved for teen girls movie fantasies.

Most relationships are complicated, and full of ebbs flows, ups downs.. whatever analogy you want to pick. The few times Ive f'd around was because our situation wasn't in a good place. I believe that in general people won't cheat or make an effort to cheat a) if they are feeling fulfilled in their marriage b) at some point I think almost all men will break if the woman comes on to them enough and she is hot enough. It's just in our nature. "A hard d!ck has no conscience."

NotPC wrote:

There's a big difference between cheating 1 night thing, or an actual affair. A one off, maybe you flirt a bit and end up drinking with a woman and the two of you finally follow through once the inhibitions are down and circumstances present themselves.

An on going affair, to me that is just a bridge too far. It's not just a lie, it's an on going lie. You owe it to your spouse to just man up and divorce, or at the very least come up with a Bill & Hillary type agreement where you stay together for the kids/appearances but that's it.

What about when your wife just flat out does not want to be intimate anymore? and I mean emotionally (i.e. stonewalling for weeks on end) as well as physically. It's all well and good telling somone to divorce but divorce is not always a financially or practically reasonable thing to do (sometimes 2 adults are needed to take care of kids on a daily basis - school runs, sports activities etc). I think many people have a basic need for emotional and physical intimacy and under crappy marriage circumstances fullfilling this need with an affair or visiting prostitutes is not altogether unreasonable providing the necessary health precautions are taken.

I wonder if my dad showed up to this thread?

Just know that if you have one or more kids that are under 18, you are not just cheating on your spouse, you are cheating on your kids. That is scum level stuff.

PNSO wrote:

What about when your wife just flat out does not want to be intimate anymore?

Sex, for whatever reason, gets picked out specifically as the one thing that can't be violated. But face it, both guys and girls have needs. My wife constantly tells me she needs more communication, more romance. I try my best to improve on that everyday and I know it's something she needs. And I don't give any other women attention in that regard. But then it's ok for her to refrain from sex for a month at a time? Not sure how that works.

I'm not saying she needs to be there to constantly give me sex when I need it, but how long do you really think I should go? Just sit there and wait? Likewise, if I constantly ignored her, stayed out late after work and didn't attempt to listen to her emotional needs, I wouldn't be surprised if she looked for that attention elsewhere as well.

It's a basic need men have. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't expect a guy to just sit and wait around for months on end because his wife is bitter, or uninterested. If there's an actual problem (depression, physical issue etc) I get it, but just to spite him or just because she doesn't feel like it.. that is not ok. As Dr Laura says, "It's just two minutes. Then he's happy. Just give him two minutes"