Survey: How many of you married men or women have/ had affairs?

FWIW, I'm not a troll and everything I have stated is factually true.

However, although I have had some "experiences" outside my marriage, I'm not having an affair and have never had an affair.

Affair implies an ongoing relationship, both physical and emotional, not just one time sex(ual act) with a stranger.

To me serial flirting online (IM, etc) is cheating. But getting a little suck or rub from a stranger you will never see again is not. Sorry, but that's just me.

We are friends with some couples that got divorced and their marriage/family was ripped apart by ongoing affairs. (And unfortunately, it does appear to be equally men vs. women, both anecdotally and statistically).

After 15 years, we have a pretty good sex life, I can't complain about the frequency or the acts that take place (good variety). But after 20 years together, getting touched sexually by a stranger is a huge turn on. Couple that with a dirty-type girl (hooker, stripper) and it's a double win for me.

No relationships, not much talking (at all), no names, no phone numbers. They provide a service, I pay them $40-$60, we're both happy. And I never see them again. It helps to do this when out of town, little to no chance of ever running into the person again.

My wife is cool with me going to strip clubs (and watching porn), so she knows I go when out of town on business, but I don't think she is aware that some states offer a lot more "contact" than others and I'm not going to mention it.

And for the record, all her friends think I am awesome, the most caring, thoughtful, loving husband around. And for the most part I am (99% of the time), but this is an outlet that allows me to remain faithful to my wife and our marriage vows.

Wow Dude. You're pretty F'd up! Seriously....there is no helping you.

happily married wrote:

Sagarin wrote:

Just remember, there's a higher court

Sorry, I don't believe in your magical fairy creatures that judge you after you die and decide if you are worthy of heaven.

"Higher court" wasn't a reference to any specific religious denomination. But karmic retribution is real. I've seen it and experienced it. Ascribe it to whichever God or physical force you'd like. Makes no difference. And the poster who talked about character and integrity has it spot on. Whether you believe in monogamy or not, marriage is a contract that belies it. You have the option not to be married. If you break the contract, there will be consequences, either seen or unseen. And it will fukk up your kids if you get caught. Very selfish. Of course, most runners are a narcissistic, selfish lot anyway.

I don't get it. I really have no desire to hook up with anyone other than my wife, but perhaps I got it out of my system when I was a young buck.

retaehc wrote:

bootsie wrote:

humans. are. not. designed. to. be. monogamous. end of thread.

then. don't. get. married.

precisely.

**This must be said in the voice of Ross Perot for the perfect effect, as it is a quote by him.

"I'd never knowingly hire a man who cheats on his wife. Wife can't trust him, why should I?"

adsfkjlasd wrote:

This thread has made me 1) appreciate my amazing and loyal husband even more, and 2) feel very sad that (some) men claim to be happily married, and yet value their marriage (and family life) so little that they would risk everything for a hand-job from a ho-bag. It just seems really pathetic.

Actually, its really awesome.

reality guy wrote:

Wow Dude. You're pretty F'd up! Seriously....there is no helping you.

Perhaps, but that's one of the great things about letsrun, I've never shared this with anyone, even my best friends or brothers. Not a single person in my life has any clue and would probably be completely floored/shocked.

It's just not something you share.

I don't know, 148,000,000? I haven't -- been married 20 years.

The first rule of F...Club is you don't talk about F...Club.

happily married wrote:

It's just not something you share.

Why not? You mentioned that you don't consider it cheating and you also consider yourself faithful to your wife, so why not tell her, your family and friends? Because you know it's wrong and you definitely wouldn't be happy with your wife "getting some on the side."

happily married wrote:

...but this is an outlet that allows me to remain faithful to my wife and our marriage vows.

Ha ha ha - not being judgmental, just found this funny. "Do you swear to get a little suck and rub only out of town so long as your spouse never finds out." "I do."

happily married wrote:

An emotional affair (with a real woman) is more a violation of your marriage vows that a little head or rub from a stranger.

I've seen friends' marriages destroyed by affairs. Mine is perfect (from outside and inside), I have no desire to have an affair, I love my wife, I love my family.

Try that logic on your wife and see how perfect she thinks your marriage is. You can come on here and rationalize your "itch scratching" to a bunch of strangers, but it's your wife that you're married to, that you've committed to, that is sharing her life with you. Do you realize that she has wants and needs that are as real and legitimate as your own? It's amazing how many men forget that there's another person involved in a relationship. I've heard so many rationalizations for cheating and it's all bullshit. It all comes down to this: As long as she thinks she's in a committed relationship, no form of cheating is okay.

Flip the picture around. Suppose you find out after 50 years of marriage that your wife had been paying random men she found online to give her head throughout your marriage. All this time you've been faithful. You realize 80 years into your life that everything you've built your life around was a lie, because your partner had a different definition of "committment" than you did.

It's a little late to say you're sorry at that point, don't you think?

I've always believed that there should be nothing in your life you are afraid to tell your spouse. Now that doesn't mean you have to tell her everything, but there should be no shame whatsoever in coming clean. As hokey as it is, that saying "character is doing the right thing, even when no one's looking" applies nicely here.

If you haven't told anyone about your infidelity (and even if you don't consider it cheating, it is), you're obviously ashamed of it. I doubt you have the sack to tell your wife, because you know it's wrong, you know she wouldn't like it, and you're terrified of her leaving you. You try and brush it off as nothing significant, but reading your posts it's clear you've got serious problems.

neanderthal dream wrote:

Flip the picture around. Suppose you find out after 50 years of marriage that your wife had been paying random men she found online to give her head throughout your marriage. All this time you've been faithful. You realize 80 years into your life that everything you've built your life around was a lie, because your partner had a different definition of "committment" than you did.

It's a little late to say you're sorry at that point, don't you think?

I think there was a CSI Miami or something around that theme.

I think I'm gonna have to defend our poor honest friend here.

The crux of this whole matter is that we put too much value on sex. We see sex what a whole relationship is about. Because I guarantee you that everyone of you here who criticizing this guy has lied to you significant pother and have secrets you would never them. Maybe you look at porn, maybe you hate people of certain ethnicity, maybe you steal things, maybe yo have read their diary, whatever. All are bad but somehow we all justify bad treatment of others or decide our secrets are best kept hidden.

The reality is that most people cheat on their spouse at one time or another and we are stuck with a silly Puritanical morality that says that one silly act of sex is justification is enough to ruin a relation ship that is otherwise great.

Maybe we all should grow up and realize that sex is small peanuts and that if one orgasm is enough to ruin your relationship of 20 years, you're a f***ing immature baby that has weak sense of commitment.

bigger picture wrote:

I think I'm gonna have to defend our poor honest friend here.

Maybe we all should grow up and realize that sex is small peanuts and that if one orgasm is enough to ruin your relationship of 20 years, you're a f***ing immature baby that has weak sense of commitment.

+1

bigger picture wrote:

Maybe we all should grow up and realize that sex is small peanuts and that if one orgasm is enough to ruin your relationship of 20 years, you're a f***ing immature baby that has weak sense of commitment.

I found most of your post ridiculous, but I'll have to defer to early poster in this thread on this last bit:

If you found out today that your wife has been getting trim on the side, would you be fine with it?

I guarantee you wouldn't be okay.

stringer bell wrote:

If you found out today that your wife has been getting trim on the side, would you be fine with it?

I guarantee you wouldn't be okay.

Funny you should ask. I have discussed this with my wife and told her that she absolutely can do so. Why is it my job to tell her that she is not allowed to be physically attracted to others? Why do I care if she finds pleasure with another? I don't care anymore than I would care that she has intimate emotional relationships with her fiends.

She shares herself graciously with me and loves me. As do I. And she decides to stay with me everyday, which is a big compliment. Is the appropriate response to tell her that she can only find enjoyment and pleasure in me? Sounds like you view marriage as a punishment or a jail sentence.

I prefer to view it as a mature relationship that two people agree to love one another. How does her getting pleasure from someone else negate our love? Do you allow your wife to have close personal fiends? Do you think this undermines your relationship with her? How is this all that different. It's different because have warped sense of the importance of sex.

Btw, you find when you let your partner have this option they rarely seem to pursue it. But they love you for not imprisoning them.

bigger picture wrote:

The crux of this whole matter is that we put too much value on sex. We see sex what a whole relationship is about.

...

Maybe we all should grow up and realize that sex is small peanuts and that if one orgasm is enough to ruin your relationship of 20 years, you're a f***ing immature baby that has weak sense of commitment.

Totally agree!