Facebook Etiquette

Just slipped across the border wrote:

Que? What's Facebook?

nice

I wish I could be like that. Facebook is the bog of today's society. Do yourself a favor and just delete your account. then non of your ex's can ever pose a problem.

Personally, I think no good can come from it if you guys are not friends anymore.

I stumbled across this because I found some friends on my bf's list that I did not feel comfortable with. First was a girl that he was promiscuous with right before we started dating. I asked him to defriend her (which he did but I think unwillingly). Second came a request from his ex-wife in which he ignored because I saw the request before he accepted (I thought he would know by now). And just recently I found an ex girlfriend from a long time ago (high school) and a girl who had an affair on his wife with (now ex wife). The high school ex is so long ago so I am not bothered by it but the affair one I find odd since it was purely sexual, there was no friendship. When asked about this, bf just said he accepts all friendships but I wouldn't be surprised if he sought her out and have private conversations with.

I know he is not cheating on me but do I have a right to be upset? Why should he be reconnecting with people who he just slept around with? Should I befriend my ex boyfriend now so he can feel uncomfortable and understand?

For an update, I did confirm the facebook friendship.

She just had her 5th kid.

It doesn't seem like any issue here.

Funny story. I had a similar dilemma last year, decided to accept and told my wife. My wife uses my Facebook account more than me, and ended up having a conversation about pictures of our kids. Turns out ex has kids the same age, so they got together for lunch/park. Now they are good friends.

Funny.

Sometimes I wonder if they talk about what it is like to have sex with me.

If they did discuss that, how would you feel about it?

I was just kidding really... I don't think about that, I just thought it would be funny to write on this board.

They would probably make fun of me if they did talk about it.

Why in the hell are you with the guy you described in this paragraph to begin with?

Just My 2 Cents wrote:

Why in the hell are you with the guy you described in this paragraph to begin with?

hahahaha, no kidding. WTF?

Mr. Obvious:

Do whatever you want. Friending somebody on Facebook means exactly nothing.

I guess I am in the minority in regards to FB. I friend people who are either: friends, family, colleagues, those who I want to keep in touch with in some way in some form. I guess I try to keep it all positive, if there's something sketchy or negative I don't do it.

I'm not controlling or jealous, bf has lots of freedom. But if roles were reversed and he felt the least bit uncomfortable I would nip it in the bud. So I guess that's why I'm somewhat offended. No positive outcomes from this but potentially a bunch of negatives. Seems like a risk he is willing to take.

We're in a pretty serious relationship, have 2 dogs and bought a house together. Nothing wrong except this weird ex factor that is reoccurring. His past should be his past, no? Why is he not closing that chapter? He's a good guy now so why does remind himself of times when he wasn't so good by friending people he wasn't so good with? I guess I just don't get it and come off jealous and insecure. But I'm just trying to understand. If it can be justified so I can understand that would be helpful.

Funny video btw!

birthdaygirl wrote:

I'm not controlling or jealous,

Yes you are. You are worried about who your boyfriend has friended on Facebook.

He sounds like a classic immature man who cannot FULLY commit or settle.

There's nothing weak about being concerned for your partner's feelings - it's called being loving.

Controlling would be TELLING him to delete her, no? I haven't ask him to do anything. Merely voiced my opinion.

Jealous? Actually I encourage him to send Christmas cards to his ex wife's parents. There's a friend that we have that likes him and I had her stay at our house for a week while we were gone and encouraged her to throw a house party in our home while we were out of town. With instructions to do whatever she wants, go through whatever she wants cause I have nothing to hide. She could have sniffed his underwear for all I care. I also spent the weekend putting photos of his many ex girlfriends into photo albums neatly. I am very trusting. And he has never betrayed my trust. He is a good guy with a sketchy past that I thought he had let go of.

I would word my sentiment for this ordeal as: uncomfortable and genuinely trying to understand this. And his motive or need to be friends with someone whom he never emotionally connected with. To me, that's what FB is for.

Seriously I don't care for the hating comments, just real answers and insight.

To Mr. Obvious, I'm not worried about who but why. Please get that distinction straight. If being in touch with past f*ckmates is important, I want to know why. It could be legit and I just didn't think of it.

>Yes you are. You are worried about who your boyfriend has friended on Facebook.

Not Running wrote:

Maried man. Gets a Facebook friend request from an ex.

What's the general etiquette here?

I know some poeple have ex's as friends on facebook but it can be strange.

I'm 'friends' with my wife and most of her family.

She has never met this girl. We haven't kept up or talked.

Sounds like you secretly want to lay her again else you wouldn't go through all the effort of making this thread. Here's what you do secret stud! Friend her, then quickly get all her info - email, number etc. You then un-friend her and get yourself a Google voice number (do this first as a matter of fact). That way you can control her calls, routing them to your heart's content. Good luck and make sure you cover the bone so you don't end up with a John Edwards situation.

If I was your wife I would be wondering why you are over-analyzing this issue to death. If you really have no feelings for your ex then you would just accept and move on with life. The fact that it is still sitting there and you are pondering it makes me wonder what kind of feelings are still there.

Just sayin'

I friend just about everybody who asks (exception: ex-wife). I'm not really in touch with those people except for them reading and occasional innocuous inane snippet about my day. I have a lot of women I've dated in the past on mine. I'm actually still friend w/ them. I also have people I knew in high school and haven't spoke to in 20 years as my friends. Somebody requests, I approve.

I would classify your stance as friending people who you wish to be in touch with (no matter how little). That is totally understandable.

My bf is opposite with you in regards to ex wife, he would probably be friends with his ex if I hadn't voiced potential uncomfortableness.

So there must be a reason why you are not friends with your ex wife. Let's hear it.