Post-nuptial shutoff?

reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms

Letsrun is to running as Deadbedrooms is to the Post-nuptial shutoff.

You're welcome.

What's with all the women on that reddit site posting about their mans lack of libido? Who are these men who don't want to have sex with their girlfriend or wife?

It works both ways. Women in differing libido situations are a lot more common than you think. Sort by the "top" comments and "all time" and you'll see it's probably 60/40 men women. r/DB is just the common place that both sexes go to try and deal with the same problem.

I recommend reading user marriedscoundrel's comments. They sum up everything related to this problem, man or woman.

Interesting article--more egalitarian marriages have less sex: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/magazine/does-a-more-equal-marriage-mean-less-sex.html?

My wife wants to have sex more often than I am willing to. She is good looking, but I just get tired of the same old.

All little extracuricular activity is nice. I am going on a couple years for this though.

I try to do my wife once a week.

Where I am holding the upper hand she will pretty much do what I want - backdoor, bj at random times, etc.

You may remember me from a few pages back. Divorced in 2012 from a sexless 2 year marriage. No kids.

Well, as predicted, my wife got her sex life back after we divorced. In fact, she had a new boyfriend the week it was finalized (a co-worker). Wow, what an amazing woman! Good to see she took our marriage infront of 400 people so seriously!

But the good news is that I've got myself a new lady and we hit the sheets every day we are together. In fact, I did it more times with her in one week than I ever did with my wife in our entire marriage. The new girl thinks I'm the amazing and one of the best things that has ever happened to her. We are 6 months into our new relationship and it is great.

So, there is light at the end of tunnel.

Ok, my two cents worth. Boy oh boy do I wish there was something like this back in the 80's when I was first married. Could not figure out the shut off and isolation. Really enjoying the thread. The Ashley madison folks published a study they did that suggested its in first two years due to kids and changing responsibilities.

I agree with this. Happened way quicker for me, but our first child came quickly. We hung in there, fought alot about sex, however, now with the kids out of the house she is much more agreeable and in our 50's its a couple times per week. Funny thing is, its always on 1) the weekend, in the AM and 2) good old missionary. For her its the closeness for me, well you know...The viagra helps when she is laying there with a t-shirt over her head, pretending to sleep or snoring and not moving much. Great body, just not much excitement.

John Cougar "sleep with your back to the one you love, tell ourselves were still the young lions."

20 years and three months.*

* may not meet the strict criteria of the original poster:

a) I'm not a married guy, so this is not timed from the ceremony because we haven't bothered with one of those.

b) Data represents "time to complete shut-off", rather than "time to start shutting off". The latter is harder to pinpoint - somewhere between ten years (first child) for a perceptible change, and 19 years for the situation to have gotten out of hand.

Seems pretty apt for this thread

the last post's link was edited, I believe this is the same story:

http://uproxx.com/webculture/2014/07/a-husband-sent-his-wife-a-spreadsheet-of-every-time-she-said-no-to-sex/

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An Email from Coach K reminds me :

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THIS LITTLE TIDBIT OF WONDERFUL TRIVIA..............

ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG

WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.

HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON,

"THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR A MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.

BUT, JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK

"GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."

MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT.

HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR

AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS ...

OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT,

BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH,

A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION ABOUT Mr. Gorsky TO ARMSTRONG.

THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE HIS MR. GORSKY HAD JUST DIED,

SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.

HERE IS THE ANSWER TO "WHO WAS MR. GORSKY":

IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN , HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL

WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD.

HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW.

HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.

AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD

MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY,

"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?!

YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"

It broke the place up.

NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMILY CONFIRMED THAT THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

__________________

former slow sprinter,official and a life fan

http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k235/MedialMeniscus/wineturtleAvatar.jpg

I am glad this thread which I began has been so popular and useful.

Known her for 30+ years

Married for 15+ years

She has said *no* fewer than 10 times (I think)

She keeps track of MY "no" responses (she claims I'm up to 5)

Gents: If'n yer lucky, this thread is irrelevant.

Give, give, give: Indeed, my bride's, uh, "responses" have become longer and more intense over time (I'm a slow learner, apparently). I pay attention; I am rewarded.

It helps that I am a runner, fitter now than when I was 16 (at least in the upper body). It helps that she remains attractive (Yes! Praise be! And, yes, I *am* that shallow....).

Awesome story, but a hoax. : (

http://www.snopes.com/quotes/mrgorsky.asp

Haha what a crackup.

www.pinoyathletics.info wrote:

Haha what a crackup.

You replied to a seven and a half year old post and you did not quote it? No wonder you are not getting any.

btw your links often carry viruses.

WrittenOnThisThreadBefore wrote:

Known her for 30+ years

Married for 15+ years

She has said *no* fewer than 10 times (I think)

She keeps track of MY "no" responses (she claims I'm up to 5)

Gents: If'n yer lucky, this thread is irrelevant.

Give, give, give: Indeed, my bride's, uh, "responses" have become longer and more intense over time (I'm a slow learner, apparently). I pay attention; I am rewarded.

It helps that I am a runner, fitter now than when I was 16 (at least in the upper body). It helps that she remains attractive (Yes! Praise be! And, yes, I *am* that shallow....).

You mean if you are INCREDIBLY INCREDIBLY lucky.

ah so much to add but will make it brief for those looking for hope as I was on this thread several years ago.

We were sexless for almost a year after 9 years of marriage and 2 children. Two years ago we decided to stop trying to work on relationship since it was hopeless.

We are separated now and get along relatively well. While moving on was stressful for the first months, since then it has been eye-opening. Sex with a woman who really wants to have sex with you is just amazing- particularly now that you know what you are doing and can appreciate it more than when you were in your 20s (last time I was free).

So don't give up. On the relationship or yourself. And have the guts to realize that it is dead (if it is) and move forward... onward and upward!!

I was thinking about this thread while talking to some runner friends recently. I have noticed a trend, guys tell me if this is true.

There are two litmus tests to whether you will have a fulfilling sex life in your marriage. The first is the honeymoon. The question here isn't "did you have a lot of sex on the honeymoon." Lots of people go to places where frequent sex just isn't practical, no matter how bad you want each other. But was the honeymoon sex excellent? Did you guys get a little wild? Try new things? Did she surprise you with some raunchy lingerie totally out of character for her to use? Or was it good but same ole same ole? An obviously small sample here, but my one friend only had sex twice on his honeymoon, but once his wife was a total maniac, showing a side of herself she had never shown before. The other time was in a discreet but public place; very hot! My other guy friend had sex almost every night on his honeymoon, but it was like a broken record by the end of the trip; kissing, foreplay, half hearted missionary, good night.

The second litmus test is a bit trickier; does she refuse to do things for you that she did for other guys she was with before you? If a woman admits that she tried something with a guy before you, and doesn't want to do it with you, it was either truly awful (there are some obvious exceptions to this rule, ie. degrading, twisted stuff) or she just doesn't view you as being as sexually deserving as that other guy. That may be because she thought of that guy in a higher sexual light than she thinks of you, or some other arbitrary reason. The bottom line is this... if she did something for another guy sexually and it's off limits for you, get ready for at least some degree of post-nuptual shutoff down the road.

Spoiler: my running friends are mostly men, but I'm a woman. The above are my interpretations of what men have told me. Obviously not all women think alike, but I'm a pretty intuitive person, and this makes sense to me.