Wow, this thread has a chance of challenging Rono's for letsrun.com supremacy.
Anyway, I agree that GND brings up a good point with the, "Women don't want to have to tell men what to do to make them happy. They want the men to think of it themselves - that is what shows the woman that the man really cares. Otherwise, every time he does it, in her mind she will think: 'He is only doing this because I asked him to.'"
The problem is that it is only valid in the first couple of years of the relationship. After that you get what you deserve or another way to put it, you only get out of it what you put in to it (no pun intended).
GND you are getting what you deserve, a crappy, sexless marriage. I don't mean that in a mean spirited way either. I know some men who like to play that relationship game it seems to make them feel good about themselves. Most of those relationships end up badly but some can play those games for a lifetime.
In this case GND is obviously married to the wrong guy. She needs to get a divorce and find someone else who will play her game long enough for her to enjoy it.
Also I like the point about a compliment every day. My wife and I used to have a deal that we had to say something nice about each other once per day. Now 3 kids later and busy as hell we've gotten away from it. Fortunately I'm not shut off but I started the compliments two days ago and have noticed an up tick in her mood. I mean just this morning I complimented her thusly, "Honey, you're still hot even though you've got mastitis!"
Girl Next Door wrote:
I know some people won't like hearing this, but its true: Women don't want to have to tell men what to do to make them happy. They want the men to think of it themselves - that is what shows the woman that the man really cares. Otherwise, every time he does it, in her mind she will think: "He is only doing this because I asked him to."
I think you have a very good point and goes back to my statement about how sesitive men are about not feeling like they are the best lay you've ever had. how many guys can honestly handle "that was okay but i'd like to do more of yyy" and not feel lame?
...and how many women, who were conditioned to think that they aren't supposed to want and enjoy it like men do feel comfortable with providing feedback??
and you wonder why there is a shutoff?
Every cosmo/glamour headline has something to do about what women can do to turn their men on. So let me get this straight, women are supposed to read magazines and try out new ideas and ask for feedback while men are supposed to get an instruction sheet from their woman that they really don't want to read because "why would *i* need instructions"?
i would bet that there are magazines that men can read, give the ideas a try ask for feedback it and be willing to accept an honest response and change things up. i think this is what GND is asking for and i would completely agree.