Girl Next Door wrote:
It started when I realized that although my husband probably loved me, I felt like he didn't really care that it was me who he was having sex with.
Girl next door, thanks for posting and being honest. I hear this all the time from my wife. However, I have never thought of having an affair or doing it with anybody just to take care of my biological needs. If I (and I bet your husband as well)felt that way, I would have been divorced or having an affair years ago. I think you may need to give your husband more credit than you think he deserves. I've been married for nearly 17 years and the intimacy is not where I want it but I've lowered my expectations and am living with it.
Also, this "shut me off" idea or game works both ways guys and ladies. My wife knows that when I really need sex and its been a long long time and I don't get it, I'm not a happy and cooperative man to be around. What does this mean. Well it means that after working a 12 hour day, I don't come home and wash dishes are fold laundry. It means I don't go out of my way to go the extra mile in helping out with the kids or chores around the house. It means I'm pissed off and not happy about not having sex in the last two weeks. It means I start doing only what I want to do. She's not in the mood for sex - well I'm not in the mood for being a helpful husband. It means if my wife doesn't get the message and start changing her attitude, I stay quiet, pissed off, and continue being a self-centered individual. After a few days, shes gets the message and the stand-off ends. No, I don't like doing this but I feel its the only way I have some control over the situation. I may not be able to change her but I certainly can change how I respond to the situation. Being shut off for longer than I can handle doesn't mean I need to be happy about it and continue to plead for something that's not happening. Take control of what you can - your response and your attitude.