I realized today that I come across as just an old man

I completely get it. I’m 38 years in and still at it. One thing I’ve noticed is that I’m presently coaching kids who were not born until roughly 20 years after I was an assistant coach in our first state title run. I didn’t give a crap about some guy from the 1950’s when I was in high school, so why should they care about my legacy from then? Part of this is simply accepting that you are old and had a good run and it's over. Google “Erikson’s stages: integrity vs despair” if you want to see what I’m talking about.

Right now I have many times the knowledge I did when I was young. I have way better emotional composure. I don’t make mistakes by choosing the wrong battles or being impatient or not seeing the big picture. I’m enormously more patient than I was.

But I also bring far less energy. I wonder if I need to bring more urgency. I've won by far more than my share as a head coach, but I don't want to be the guy who is hanging on and not vital. I don't want to be the guy who the kids roll their eyes at behind his back. I've seen those guys who hang on too long, where new young coaches don't even know how magnificent these guys were in their day. And frankly, that freaks me out. I don't want to be the guy who lacks self awareness.

So dude, congratulate yourself that you are not that guy. You probably got out at the right time. Go find some other dudes like yourself and go to some meets and tell lies to each other about how good you were in back in the day. You are missing the camaraderie I suspect. And I'd consider doing some officiating of some type just to stay around the sport in other ways. That's my 2 cents.

M-m-m-muh-MOD FIGHT!

Two years ago I was asked by a former athlete to speak to his athletes. He coaches at the school where I coached for thirty years. In that time the team won 27 league titles, 9 CIF titles, and my name is on a Hall of Fame banner in the gym. Well, none of that mattered since these high schoolers were under five years old when I retired. They were polite but disinterested in what I had to say. Three questions were asked and when it was all done I realized my sage advice meant little to them. What did matter to them was when I showed up at their meet and cheered for every single one of them out on the course.

This thread reminds me of that story that Michael Caine (the actor) likes to tell...

During his career on time in his off time he was talking to Cary Grant.

Some tourist woman walks up to him and says "Michael Caine... I've been in Hollywood for two weeks and your the first movie star I've come across".

Then she looks at Cary Grant thinking he is another tourist... and says "Have you seen any other Hollywood Actors out here?"

And Cary Grant says... "No maam, I sure haven't."

"Lifetime Coach" and "Retired Coach" aren't the same thing. It sounds like you have been out of the game for a while and expect for people to still know you. If you want to be known then help out a team and volunteer and give back anyway you can.

I retired from a job and decided to try changing things that I still could about the community around me. Topic isn’t important but I’m a data and facts guy. At first I was invisible. But I was keeping good notes and studying on my own time, following up with occasional emails. When I knew enough on the subject to speak intelligently, I did, usually trying to add value rather than to disrupt. After several years of this, I’ve become a reliable constant - feared by the unprepared or unethical but appreciated by those who are honest and good at their jobs - or at least trying to be. I’ve been asked to join boards and committees but decline. I like the role of wise “old guy” much better than worker bee seeking approval.

If you don’t want to be seen as an old man or a has been, you have to speak up intelligently on matters that are important to others.

That's like how David Letterman said he missed being important after he retired. As both a coach and athlete, I got too much attention. When I went to Eugene22, I was actually concerned someone I knew from my track days would be there (I live on the other side of the country from where I went to school). I don't want to rehash any of that stuff. Focusing on other interests will give you balance. I'm sure you'll be fine.

I've been out of the coaching "game" for about 8 years. Many of the other coaches have retired or moved on. The athletes have gone through a few times over.

I find it refreshing that I can go to a meet and just watch and not have people talking to me and asking advice or if I miss it or whatever.

As an aging athlete it was difficult to give up the workouts and routine - the hardest time for me was giving up running at 50 due to arthritis. I walk now in my late 60's and it is just as fullfilling and I'm not in pain. I've heard too many stories about retiring with no hobbies or friends and family around - so I'm making sure I have all that lined up for when I retire next year. I write, I travel, will play more golf with friends, work on my old house, and follow T&F. Nothing wrong with getting old - its better than the alternative as my 94 year old father says!

That hits pretty hard. On one hand it's an honor to be asked back, but on the other hand those kids don't care about what you did in the past. The past to them is any time before they were in HS, that's it. The 1990's might as well be the 1890's in their minds.

And honestly, while we do revere teams with deep traditions, it doesn't really matter. 5 state championships in a row is great, but in year 6 if you dont have the horses.. you ain't gettin nothin.

Not sure if my daughter will run in college. She wants to go to Stanford or Washington. I'm pretty sure she'll be interested in continuing running if she runs good enough times to at least walk on, but that's probably like 2:08/4:45/10:00 or so. It's possible but a very big stretch. I think sub 5:00 is probably realistic, don't know if we'll find the other 15 seconds (way too soon to know if she's got that level of talent). She's starting to think about going to a different school if she were recruited but in reality she's focused on her academics, and she's the type of person who can close the door on something she is doing and move on to the next thing without thinking twice, so I'm not sure what she will decide to do.

From my side, I'm not certain I want my daughter to run in college. It takes you away from a lot of social, academic, and career networking opportunities. I wasted a lot of time with running, and it cost me. I've advised her to weigh what she will get out of it versus what it will cost her.

If she does run in college, I'll certainly give her all the support I've been giving her, it makes a huge difference.

Stop whining. Time marches on and there's always new people. No one can take what you did away from you, but you really sound like a pathetic, lonely b@#$%

Isn't it great? 😂

It's totally ok when things move on!!

(Forever Changes - Love - 1967 - an absolutely brilliant album!)

I go to watch a local HM every year. (I was the race-winner here in 1991.) The course hasn't changed in all these years. The event just keeps going on and on.

And I stand there and think - "Wow, I won this in '91, and nobody gives a f$&@" 😂 Because nobody cares!! It's 2025 now!!! Why should they?

But having these private thoughts/memories is so much fun when you see everyone warming up, slogging the race, talking afterwards...

It's a great joy to remember!!

My memories are a castle in the sky. (But just don't move into the castle!!)😂

A lot of what you said resonates with me, but I'm curious to know what you mean about what our sport has become at the collegiate level that makes you happy to have quit coaching.

People have short memories so you can't expect too much respect if they don't know you. On the other hand, the US is a very ageist country. Older people are thought of as elderly, not elders, and are discounted. They'd rather put you in a home and ignore you.

Not much longer now.

You got it my brother. Perfect.

I guess my question to you is what did you expect? Why did you think people would know about you or care about you T&F tenure years later?