Will I Ever Love Running Again?

Why is running so important? There’s much more to life. Now that you are healthy, make something great out of your life.

I love running. Literally the best memories of my life were made running. I have experienced a life without running, just strength training, yoga, etc. and it is not the same. I have the phantom limb pain of what I love.

5’7” 77 pounds?

How is that possible?

I eventually got well below that weight, unfortunately.

I would assume that you are aware of this but according to your bmi based on the stats you posted, you were anorexia, and at that bmi, fell into the classification in which organ failure was a real possibility and life threatening.

I hope you realize that the risks you faced in being severely anorexic are vastly more important than running performance.

According to your stats, you had a BMI of 12

"A BMI below 13.5 can lead to organ failure, while a BMI below 12 can be life-threatening. Note, however, that BMI alone is not enough to make a diagnosis of anorexia and is solely a possible indicator."

Try swimming as cross-training. Water is soothing.

Then, you can run after swimming. Won't make it easier, but may feel better. Or vice versa, run then swim.

Try to ignore pace and run by feel/effort.

Body weight of a flying squirrel 🐿️

I would like to swim but I don't have access to a pool right now. I think cycling might be good to add in to build aerobic fitness, while the amount I am running is still very short in duration.

yes, I am aware - overwhelmingly so (*cough*, PTSD).

But I am fully starting a new chapter in my life. That does not mean giving up on running - running was something I sacrificed to my inner struggles. Now that I am not in that dark space and my body/mind is stronger, it is paradoxical that running is actually harder...but I am not giving up. ever. not until I die

Dude, my 6 year old daughter (who is a solid muscle) weighs 55 lbs. how is that possible?

I understand the shock here, it sounds absurd. But the point of this thread is how to go forward with planning a return to running routine, not discuss the insanity of my low weight and how close I was to death. It's just not beneficial for me to go back to that place.

What's your weight now? If you're still below BMI 17-18, then running would still feel hard, I guess.

Below BMI 18, I felt weak. I'm a girl btw. Are you?

I am slightly below BMI 18, around 16-17.

Not to diagnose you OP but it sounds like you had an eating disorder or something. What you were doing could have caused long term damage to your body, especially your bones because running is a high impact sport. I know someone IRL who ran at an extremely low body weight for years (probably around BMI 14) and ended up having severe medical issues later in life. Make sure your health and mental state are in a good place first of all. hate to say it that running will not feel the same as when you were anorexic. you could certainly lose weight and get back to that feeling, but at that rate you'll either have medical issues soon or won;t be exercising in 5 years. being underweight has its risks, being underweight while doing a high impact sport is another level of risk.

stop worrying about your aerobic fitness.

do what you enjoy.

stop worrying about loving a sport, take care of yourself, and love yourself first.

(speaking from experience, but not as extreme as you)

^^ good advice, imo.

At your young age, maybe try new things, new sports, and new interests. It's a great time in life to check things out and find which ones you are drawn to.

Your body is changing and you can, too. Enjoy this time in your life. And thank goodness your health is improving! Clearly, you have lots to look forward to.

I appreciate the helpful and kind responses.

I want to reiterate that I understand running isn't the most important thing in the world. It is not my identity, and I am not attached to it in that way. I am trying to let go of comparing myself to the past, and start slow, short, with no expectations. I am definitely not forcing myself to do something I don't love, or just because "I used to do it." In fact I really interrogated and reflected that part of myself. I have tried lots of different types of movement over the years, including hot vinyasa yoga, cycling, etc. I find most meaning in strength training and running, for whatever reason. I think they are just very metaphorical; although they are physical endeavors it is more about the mental strength required that intrigues me. I dunno. We all make meaning for ourselves in this life. Sometimes we feel such purpose from something it is overwhelming and we can't even say why. That is how I feel about running. I think my "why" has gotten much deeper through all of this. It has nothing to do with my appearance, ego, etc.

Having non-sports interests is important, and I deeply care about these interests as well. I feel more clarity, patience, and drive in other areas of my life because of sport too.