Looking back on it there may have been some signals. My reaction when she told me wasn't great, I will admit, but I did tell her that I liked her as well (probably not in the best way). I also tried to see if she was available to do something in that same conversation, but it didn't end up happening (she said she was busy that weekend, it was her birthday so she was spending time with family, and then back to uni). Not sure what I should've done differently other than to possibly more explicitly say I liked her back.
There are two possibilities then : either you were already friendzoned when she told you she had a crush previously and she was saying this as a kind of friendly advice. Or she still wanted to have a date with you but seeing your confused reaction, she felt ill at ease and changed her mind. Men confidence is women drug.
Great. Well, looks like I screwed it up, hopefully won't next time. I had intended to talk to her in person in an attempt to clarify the situation since we were initially planning to meet a few days after that original conversation, but things kept happening and now its been about a month. One last question, should I give up on meeting up and just try to have the conversation over text, or is that just gonna make the whole situation worse and it would be better to do nothing?
Also thanks everyone for the advice, really appreciate it, I have no clue what I'm doing.
As I stated, some women will view this as toxic behaviour. Are you a woman or do you have any experience of being a woman?
There are too many guys out there who like to blow hot and cold to get the ego boost of a woman liking them.
There is a difference between "it could be seen as a toxic behavior" and "it's a toxic behaviour from your part".
You can note that OP is not trying to get an ego boost but actually wants to date the girl but he doesn't really know how to do. I don't need to be a woman to notice that.
The fact he's posting on an Internet site rather than asking her out supplies the answer.
The answer is in fact very simple. He asks her out on a proper date, or he doesnt ask her out on a proper date. But he's not going to do that because he would rather post about it on here instead. And he's just listed a bunch of reasons why he can't ask her out on a date anyway. The guys a player, whether or not he admits to it. He wants to text her and act all lovelorn to a bunch of strangers on the internet, but he isn't interested enough in this woman to communicate properly with her.
How long has this been going on? Men who are interested ask women out on dates. Dates are not the same as hanging out or texting.
The answer is also that many women won't go near a guy romantically that behaves like this. How many times does this have to be explained?
There is a difference between "it could be seen as a toxic behavior" and "it's a toxic behaviour from your part".
You can note that OP is not trying to get an ego boost but actually wants to date the girl but he doesn't really know how to do. I don't need to be a woman to notice that.
The fact he's posting on an Internet site rather than asking her out supplies the answer.
The answer is in fact very simple. He asks her out on a proper date, or he doesnt ask her out on a proper date. But he's not going to do that because he would rather post about it on here instead. And he's just listed a bunch of reasons why he can't ask her out on a date anyway. The guys a player, whether or not he admits to it. He wants to text her and act all lovelorn to a bunch of strangers on the internet, but he isn't interested enough in this woman to communicate properly with her.
How long has this been going on? Men who are interested ask women out on dates. Dates are not the same as hanging out or texting.
The answer is also that many women won't go near a guy romantically that behaves like this. How many times does this have to be explained?
Sorry, but this is just not true. I quite literally have zero experience with this. Sad as it is, I've never been in any situation remotely similar to this. I just wanted advice before taking action because I didn't want to screw up any future relationship with her that I might have (whether we just become friends, or anything else). I haven't tried to do anything to lead her on, or pull away, or anything. Any negative thing I did was entirely unintentional, resulting from my lack of experience, and I will do my absolute best to be less of an idiot in the future.
There is a difference between "it could be seen as a toxic behavior" and "it's a toxic behaviour from your part".
You can note that OP is not trying to get an ego boost but actually wants to date the girl but he doesn't really know how to do. I don't need to be a woman to notice that.
The fact he's posting on an Internet site rather than asking her out supplies the answer.
The answer is in fact very simple. He asks her out on a proper date, or he doesnt ask her out on a proper date. But he's not going to do that because he would rather post about it on here instead. And he's just listed a bunch of reasons why he can't ask her out on a date anyway. The guys a player, whether or not he admits to it. He wants to text her and act all lovelorn to a bunch of strangers on the internet, but he isn't interested enough in this woman to communicate properly with her.
How long has this been going on? Men who are interested ask women out on dates. Dates are not the same as hanging out or texting.
The answer is also that many women won't go near a guy romantically that behaves like this. How many times does this have to be explained?
well, since you seem to have no clue about men, I will take the time to explain some things to you. Sure some men are players (and they usually are the successfull ones with women, at least for short relationships, since most women are attracted by this kind of behaviour until they have been disappointed too many times). But a lot (probably a majority) of male teen/ young men - especially nowadays, where it's more natural to talk to each other through smartphones and computers than in person - are not so good with relationships with others and even less with girls/ young women. They don't know how to behave, what to say, they are shy and often afraid of being rejected or mocked. We agree there that is not a desirable behaviour in the eyes of a woman. That can also be true for some good looking guys that seem cool. That's lack of experience and confidence plus weird context of our time. Not being a player. The fact that he comes here to ask advice instead of asking her for a date proves my point, not yours. He if was a player wanting a ego boost, he would share texts or pictures while saying "booom, I smashed her", not "I need advice".
Another thing is that no man likes a knows-it-all woman who want to have the last word like you are trying to do now, despite being obviously wrong in this case. Actually a lot of men like to play the knows-it-all role themselves, like you can see all day on this forum. You can call it sexism or whatever people say nowadays but that's how it is. Men are in average made with physical and emotionnal domination over women (and that's something good for woman also if they accept it) and they need to feel this natural domination to feel right and confident. The women need the confidence of men to feel good and more stable emotionally as they are less stable and more doubtfull by nature. Thus, they find self confident men attractive. That's why it often happens that some gap in age, the man being the oldest, works usually better than the opposit or same age couple. More confidence and experience from the man, more respect from the woman. If you constantly fight to challenge the natural domination of men, you will get no respect nor love from them, they will try instead to devalue you or run away from you as you look like a feminist or lesbian. They will not listen to your point of view either.
I guess this has to be explained over and over again nowadays when the trend is that men and women are made the same or not even a definite gender based on sexual organs but rather on how you feel on an given day...
tldr: Girl I don't know very well said she used to have a crush on me, can't tell if she still does, but if she does, I would definitely like to be more than friends.
So I met this girl in a first aid course, but we didn't talk very much. Turns out we had a common friend, and we ended up hanging out once over the summer before we both went to different universities. We hardly texted, but she ended up telling me that she "used to have the fattest crush" on me in the course we did. She said she thought it was weird because of our mutual friend, and then we sort of became friends, so it kind of seems to me like she doesn't have a crush on me anymore, but we've started talking more. I can't tell if she still likes me or not, and since we're in different places we haven't been able to hang out since.
No idea if this means anything or not, but she seems to take a while to respond to my texts, usually like a week (I respond to her within a couple hours), and there have been a couple of times we've both been home but she ended up being "too busy" for us to actually hang out. I do like her, and would love for us to hang out more, but she doesn't seem too responsive and I don't want to constantly message her too much with no response, no idea what to do, pls help.
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The fact he's posting on an Internet site rather than asking her out supplies the answer.
The answer is in fact very simple. He asks her out on a proper date, or he doesnt ask her out on a proper date. But he's not going to do that because he would rather post about it on here instead. And he's just listed a bunch of reasons why he can't ask her out on a date anyway. The guys a player, whether or not he admits to it. He wants to text her and act all lovelorn to a bunch of strangers on the internet, but he isn't interested enough in this woman to communicate properly with her.
How long has this been going on? Men who are interested ask women out on dates. Dates are not the same as hanging out or texting.
The answer is also that many women won't go near a guy romantically that behaves like this. How many times does this have to be explained?
well, since you seem to have no clue about men, I will take the time to explain some things to you. Sure some men are players (and they usually are the successfull ones with women, at least for short relationships, since most women are attracted by this kind of behaviour until they have been disappointed too many times). But a lot (probably a majority) of male teen/ young men - especially nowadays, where it's more natural to talk to each other through smartphones and computers than in person - are not so good with relationships with others and even less with girls/ young women. They don't know how to behave, what to say, they are shy and often afraid of being rejected or mocked. We agree there that is not a desirable behaviour in the eyes of a woman. That can also be true for some good looking guys that seem cool. That's lack of experience and confidence plus weird context of our time. Not being a player. The fact that he comes here to ask advice instead of asking her for a date proves my point, not yours. He if was a player wanting a ego boost, he would share texts or pictures while saying "booom, I smashed her", not "I need advice".
Another thing is that no man likes a knows-it-all woman who want to have the last word like you are trying to do now, despite being obviously wrong in this case. Actually a lot of men like to play the knows-it-all role themselves, like you can see all day on this forum. You can call it sexism or whatever people say nowadays but that's how it is. Men are in average made with physical and emotionnal domination over women (and that's something good for woman also if they accept it) and they need to feel this natural domination to feel right and confident. The women need the confidence of men to feel good and more stable emotionally as they are less stable and more doubtfull by nature. Thus, they find self confident men attractive. That's why it often happens that some gap in age, the man being the oldest, works usually better than the opposit or same age couple. More confidence and experience from the man, more respect from the woman. If you constantly fight to challenge the natural domination of men, you will get no respect nor love from them, they will try instead to devalue you or run away from you as you look like a feminist or lesbian. They will not listen to your point of view either.
I guess this has to be explained over and over again nowadays when the trend is that men and women are made the same or not even a definite gender based on sexual organs but rather on how you feel on an given day...
I don't want to date him.
I'm not single.
I don't care about appealing to random Jordan Peterson fans or men who lack confidence.
The answer is no. The answer is usually no, because if women don't err on the side of caution, they can end up injured or dead.
The fact he's posting on an Internet site rather than asking her out supplies the answer.
The answer is in fact very simple. He asks her out on a proper date, or he doesnt ask her out on a proper date. But he's not going to do that because he would rather post about it on here instead. And he's just listed a bunch of reasons why he can't ask her out on a date anyway. The guys a player, whether or not he admits to it. He wants to text her and act all lovelorn to a bunch of strangers on the internet, but he isn't interested enough in this woman to communicate properly with her.
How long has this been going on? Men who are interested ask women out on dates. Dates are not the same as hanging out or texting.
The answer is also that many women won't go near a guy romantically that behaves like this. How many times does this have to be explained?
well, since you seem to have no clue about men, I will take the time to explain some things to you. Sure some men are players (and they usually are the successfull ones with women, at least for short relationships, since most women are attracted by this kind of behaviour until they have been disappointed too many times). But a lot (probably a majority) of male teen/ young men - especially nowadays, where it's more natural to talk to each other through smartphones and computers than in person - are not so good with relationships with others and even less with girls/ young women. They don't know how to behave, what to say, they are shy and often afraid of being rejected or mocked. We agree there that is not a desirable behaviour in the eyes of a woman. That can also be true for some good looking guys that seem cool. That's lack of experience and confidence plus weird context of our time. Not being a player. The fact that he comes here to ask advice instead of asking her for a date proves my point, not yours. He if was a player wanting a ego boost, he would share texts or pictures while saying "booom, I smashed her", not "I need advice".
Another thing is that no man likes a knows-it-all woman who want to have the last word like you are trying to do now, despite being obviously wrong in this case. Actually a lot of men like to play the knows-it-all role themselves, like you can see all day on this forum. You can call it sexism or whatever people say nowadays but that's how it is. Men are in average made with physical and emotionnal domination over women (and that's something good for woman also if they accept it) and they need to feel this natural domination to feel right and confident. The women need the confidence of men to feel good and more stable emotionally as they are less stable and more doubtfull by nature. Thus, they find self confident men attractive. That's why it often happens that some gap in age, the man being the oldest, works usually better than the opposit or same age couple. More confidence and experience from the man, more respect from the woman. If you constantly fight to challenge the natural domination of men, you will get no respect nor love from them, they will try instead to devalue you or run away from you as you look like a feminist or lesbian. They will not listen to your point of view either.
I guess this has to be explained over and over again nowadays when the trend is that men and women are made the same or not even a definite gender based on sexual organs but rather on how you feel on an given day...
Wow. Do you find many women out there who want to be lectured to and negged into drudgery these days? The hills are thataway >>>>>>>>>>
"I was surprised when you told me you liked me, and I wasn't sure how to act. To be honest, i like you as well, and I would really like to take you out. I plan to be home xx weekend, when can I pick you up?"
1) Acknowledge that she is her own person with her own life. Being "too busy" may not be code for anything.
2) Acknowledge that you are interested in her and are taking her responses as a rebuff.
3) Decide what it is you really want, then pursue it.
If you just want to "hang out" to figure things out, here is some advice: Tell her, "I've noticed that you've been busy the last few times I asked you go hang out, and I'd like to know if you can fit me in your schedule sometime."
If you want to date her, just ask her out. Easier said then done, but if you do this, you will know where you stand.
Have you considered just point blank telling her that you are attracted to her and are interested in getting to know her better to see where it goes? I suggest you do so and stop head tripping yourself and playing games.
looks like OP answered the question of “why don’t you just be direct and ask her on a date”…..he’s tried to meet up in person and she’s always “too busy”. If she actually liked him, she would make time
no big deal, move on. When you find a good fit will be easier than this.
the female in this thread is projecting her own negative experiences in a situation where it doesn’t apply
Kinda what I was thinking. Ik u have basically no context, but seeing as she at least used to have a crush on me, think there's any chance of getting back there?
This is the most common thing guys experience. Girl is interested, guy is clueless or hesitates too long, girl loses interest, guy catches on too late and starts chasing, wastes a lot of time.
Don't do this. As a dude you must always be ready to let go and move on. In fact this is the only way you'll keep any relationship going. Just say to yourself, "well I f'ed up. I get it. My bad and let's call it a day". And if she's interested she will contact you. And that's it.
The fact he's posting on an Internet site rather than asking her out supplies the answer.
The answer is in fact very simple. He asks her out on a proper date, or he doesnt ask her out on a proper date. But he's not going to do that because he would rather post about it on here instead. And he's just listed a bunch of reasons why he can't ask her out on a date anyway. The guys a player, whether or not he admits to it. He wants to text her and act all lovelorn to a bunch of strangers on the internet, but he isn't interested enough in this woman to communicate properly with her.
How long has this been going on? Men who are interested ask women out on dates. Dates are not the same as hanging out or texting.
The answer is also that many women won't go near a guy romantically that behaves like this. How many times does this have to be explained?
Sorry, but this is just not true. I quite literally have zero experience with this. Sad as it is, I've never been in any situation remotely similar to this. I just wanted advice before taking action because I didn't want to screw up any future relationship with her that I might have (whether we just become friends, or anything else). I haven't tried to do anything to lead her on, or pull away, or anything. Any negative thing I did was entirely unintentional, resulting from my lack of experience, and I will do my absolute best to be less of an idiot in the future.
The "future relationship" you mentioned in your post does not exist. And it cannot exist unless you do something about that. You already know what you are going to do. You already know the likely outcome. What is holding you back?
ask her out on a date in person and see her reaction. Man up.
find out something she likes to do and set up the time and place. Tell her “hey i found this really cool thing to do on this day, and at this time. Want to go with me?” Done.