What would you do if your wife asked to open up your marriage?

Real Obvi wrote:

Clown World Resident wrote:

You're the one being dense in this scenario.

Funny enough, you're the first one to mention "sex" in this thread. So by your logic, you were wrong to "assume" this was about sex.

Really? I thought the OP asked about wife wanting an open marriage. But now that I re-check that I realize this is a thread about 5k PBs.

Silly me.

It is. But by your super dense logic it's wrong to assume "open marriage" means sex. So maybe think about that before lecturing everyone else on being hyper literalist.

I f someone's spouse is asking them for this it simply means they are not sexually satisfied. Is that a hopeless situation short of divorce or opening up the marriage , I don't know. Does it even mean that's what the asker really wants?

Wedding vows are for public consumption. What people agree on it what matters. I agreed to tell my wife before I got involved sexually with another woman. I have had to tell her at times that It looked like I had no choice. Things improved a lot but we are only on about 1/2 of the same page going on several years now. I am on the fence to tell the truth, lots of temptation in the gaps , which really are not that long , but I will keep my word. My wife sympathizes with me a lot. No angry accusations or false indignity.

I am sure being monogamous has made us better parents up until now.. Especially being monogamous long enough to reach this level of maturity .....honesty is a must. The distractive potential of multiple sex partner should never be underestimated. What are your priorities? Divorce , if it's going to be contentious or guilty and shameful to either party all the time.

Clown World Resident wrote:

Real Obvi wrote:

Really? I thought the OP asked about wife wanting an open marriage. But now that I re-check that I realize this is a thread about 5k PBs.

Silly me.

It is. But by your super dense logic it's wrong to assume "open marriage" means sex. So maybe think about that before lecturing everyone else on being hyper literalist.

Sorry dude, but that's the dumbest damned thing I've seen all day.

Nobody is talking about being "hyper literalist". Well, nobody but you. I am talking about making unfounded assumptions about what other people vow to do or not do, commit to do or not do, etc. within their own marriages. It is very clear even from the comments on this thread (and hyper obvious to anyone with a brain even without seeing this thread) that people have very different understandings of these things and it is beyond idiotic to assume that words like "to have and to hold, forsaking all others" mean to everyone else whatever you decide they "should" mean.

Care to try again?

Real Obvi wrote:

Sorry dude, but that's the dumbest damned thing I've seen all day.

Nobody is talking about being "hyper literalist". Well, nobody but you. I am talking about making unfounded assumptions about what other people vow to do or not do, commit to do or not do, etc. within their own marriages. It is very clear even from the comments on this thread (and hyper obvious to anyone with a brain even without seeing this thread) that people have very different understandings of these things and it is beyond idiotic to assume that words like "to have and to hold, forsaking all others" mean to everyone else whatever you decide they "should" mean.

Care to try again?

Actually it's hyper obvious to everyone with a brain that "to have and to hold, forsaking all others" includes sex. You're literally the only one who can't figure that out.

When you walk in on her being gang banged?

Same thing I would tell a girlfriend that wanted to bang other guys. Gtfo, have a nice life.

I agree, I've been to several weddings where couples wrote their own vows. Some were only one or two sentences long; "Do you promise to be with me forever?" That was it. None made any mention of fidelity and forsaking all others. In fact, when I asked one particular bride how come there was no mention of any of the traditional vows, she stated they wanted to "leave room" in the marriage in case things changed between them. Of course, this is open to interpretation, but I'm sure she was referring to the possibility of an open marriage at sometime. Bottom line is people get married for all kinds of reasons. Marriage in the traditional sense doesn't mean the same thing to everybody. So in that sense if they did decide to have an open marriage, they wouldn't be breaking any vows.

I'd probably say "Sure. But we must make it an open relationship with regards to money as well. You won't mind if I start spending our money on other women will you?"

Since men's financials are pretty much as important as a woman's looks in developing new relationships, it would give you a much better chance of being equally satisfied if you can buy trinkets, meals and trips for your new romantic interests.

Old news wrote:

I'd probably say "Sure. But we must make it an open relationship with regards to money as well. You won't mind if I start spending our money on other women will you?"

Since men's financials are pretty much as important as a woman's looks in developing new relationships, it would give you a much better chance of being equally satisfied if you can buy trinkets, meals and trips for your new romantic interests.

That crap isn't necessary to be "physical " with and woman worth venturing into and extramarital relationship with. I would think most people would still want to be discreet not do trips an whatnot. Maybe not.

Except of course for the FACT that many people agree to enter into open marriages and often take these familiar vows. That fact makes it not even a point where honest people can disagree - it makes it 100% certain that you are wrong about the universality of the meaning of those words.

Care to try again?

Marriage honestly looks fairly unreliable for people outside of middle class and upper class.

Middle class are too poor to really end up tempted. Upper class often keep it together.

Upper middle end up unable to afford everything while still tempted, and lower class are unstable in general.

goprunnerboi wrote:

make a VERY public facebook post that my wife asked me this (tagging her friends, coworkers, parents, grandmother, children etc).

say that Im dissapointed at this request and wanted to see what everyone thought and if I am overreacting.

That will backfire. I still get nudes sent to me from old flames. Someone is waiting to nail his wife. Better a stranger than an acquaintance.

dior wrote:

Marriage honestly looks fairly unreliable for people outside of middle class and upper class.

Middle class are too poor to really end up tempted. Upper class often keep it together.

Upper middle end up unable to afford everything while still tempted, and lower class are unstable in general.

Modest elements of truth at best. . Middle class divorce all the time ,or deal with temptation in a hundred ways. Upper class , maybe don't care as much , or go to Epstein's Island or some similar. People from all walks of life have responses more inline with stifling temptation too. Don't generalize and you will have clearer vision.,

Middle class and up tend to get into violence over questions of sex less. That's about it.

brien evans wrote:

Y'all are lame. Open marriages are one of God's greatest gifts.

You get to be married to someone you care about and also get to bang other people for the physical pleasure. What is not to like?

Yeah, except for the fact that it is VERY easy for a married woman to find a willing man to have NSA sex and VERY difficult for a married man to find a woman willing to have sex on the side. Especially a skinny runner man. If you are bi, it's different, I suppose.

Wuss alert wrote:

Any normal person in a healthy relationship would be absolutely devastated in such a scenario. But, the LR freaks are rationalizing this as an opportunity for them to get a little on the side. LOL. What's the probability of hitting the lottery?

Well, not ANY normal person. MOST yes, but not ANY (all).

Lots of people begin their relationships that way (open). Some go that way later which likely means one of them brought it up. If two people decide to go that way, more power to them. Adults can do with their sex lives what they wish. Doesn't make them a freak.

I personally wouldn't be into this, but if two people are both on the same page with it I don't have a problem with it if it works for them. You'd have to be very clear about what was OK and what wasn't though.

Flagpole wrote:

Wuss alert wrote:

Any normal person in a healthy relationship would be absolutely devastated in such a scenario. But, the LR freaks are rationalizing this as an opportunity for them to get a little on the side. LOL. What's the probability of hitting the lottery?

Well, not ANY normal person. MOST yes, but not ANY (all).

Lots of people begin their relationships that way (open). Some go that way later which likely means one of them brought it up. If two people decide to go that way, more power to them. Adults can do with their sex lives what they wish. Doesn't make them a freak.

It makes them abnormal, freakish and perverted. Just trying to rationalize this as some kind of potentially healthy way to relate to your spouse is peculiar and unwholesome. So yea, you're a deviant.

Are you kidding?!? You’ve hit the jackpot! Lube up that bussy and go for it!!!

Wuss alert wrote:

Flagpole wrote:

Well, not ANY normal person. MOST yes, but not ANY (all).

Lots of people begin their relationships that way (open). Some go that way later which likely means one of them brought it up. If two people decide to go that way, more power to them. Adults can do with their sex lives what they wish. Doesn't make them a freak.

It makes them abnormal, freakish and perverted. Just trying to rationalize this as some kind of potentially healthy way to relate to your spouse is peculiar and unwholesome. So yea, you're a deviant.

Says who? It is outside the norm, yes, but freakish and perverted? Again, says who? As long as adults are consenting and no one is breaking a law, why should you care what they do? How does that negatively affect you? Are you a religious nut? What's your angle here, brother?