What would you do if your wife asked to open up your marriage?

I would say to her “thank you, I’ve been thinking about this for a while and haven’t figured out how to bring this up.”

I’d love to try an open marriage (with certain rules and boundaries, not a free for all.) I was in an open relationship with my ex and it went well (til I had to move across the country and that ended.)

Not everyone is built for monogamy and not everyone is built for non-monogamy. Find out what works for you.

If you decide to move on, move fast. Remain calm and composed. Contact a divorce attorney immediately.

She has prioritized herself for a while now. You must look out for you and you alone for the time being. She has probably been with men. It’s not going to get better.

I’m sorry OP.

uhhh guys? wrote:

Real Obvi wrote:

This ^ is CORRECT!

I don't think I've ever heard of wedding vows explicitly stating, "Do you, Robert, promise to never have sex with anyone other than Susan? . . . And do you, Susan, promise to never have sex with anyone other than Robert?"

You have never heard "to have and to hold, forsaking all others" ???

Really? Never heard this?

Yeah...fidelity in vows is common -- "remaining faithful to him/her as long as you both shall live". That's what that means. But, as I said initially, people write their own vows very commonly, and they can and do put in there what they want, and fidelity is not always part of it.

I'd be totally cool with it. I can now go bang other women.

Life is too short to walk around with a stick up yer @ss like most of the posters on this thread.

Lighten up Francis, it's just sex.

brien evans wrote:

Open marriages are one of God's greatest gifts.

You are joking, right? That statement isn't remotely close to being endorsed by the Bible. Maybe the Koran, but not the Bible.

Friends of a Friend wrote:

What would you do if your wife came to you and asked to open up your marriage, physically I mean? What would you do if she gave you an ultimatum? What if you loved her, she says she loves you, but she also basically refuses to stop having other men in her life? How does one navigate these situations?

This means she is or has been cheating for awhile and now seeks justification. If you’re cool with it, then carry on. If you’re not, get out NOW. If you think by saying “no” she’s just going living monogamously, I’d think not.

Every time she’s late or unaccounted for you will imagine her ingesting reproductive fluid from strange men. Lol.

NotPC wrote:

I'd be totally cool with it. I can now go bang other women.

Life is too short to walk around with a stick up yer @ss like most of the posters on this thread.

Lighten up Francis, it's just sex.

problem is for most guys it is you try to bang other woman while she is banging a different guy every day of the week.

STEVE THE ADDICT^^^^^^""""""""'"--';"- wrote:

She failed to obey the basic principles of marriage. Typical of people nowadays to disrespect their vows. Divorce is inevitable for some. The fact that they try to normalize divorce is even more embarrassing than the fact they broke their vows.

What do you mean nowadays? And normalizing divorce today? Divorce rates were at their peak in 1980 at 22.6%, they were still 19.8% in the late 2000's. Now more than a decade later it's down to 14.9%... Young people in their 20's and 30's are way more hesitant to get married in the first place because we saw so many of our parents get divorced in the 1980's and 1990's... Today young people are dating for a very very long time before they decide to get married. If you're old, Steve, the problem with divorce was more of an issue in your generation.

Let's examine the other side for a moment: how has your married sex life been? Is there a reason that she wants/needs to be with other partners such as a lack of desire or function on your part? Is she experimental and you are very vanilla in the bedroom? Are you satisfying her? Are you selfish or the, "I'm done. Goodnight!" type? Have you done what I have seen in other runner's relationships: constantly putting that upcoming 5K or marathon in front of intimacy, the marriage, or shared household responsibilities?

I don't ask this to be a troll rather, it takes two to tango and if one half of the relationship is bored or unsatisfied it often leads to cheating or divorce.

Friends of a Friend wrote:

What would you do if your wife came to you and asked to open up your marriage, physically I mean? What would you do if she gave you an ultimatum? What if you loved her, she says she loves you, but she also basically refuses to stop having other men in her life? How does one navigate these situations?

I’m surprised at the near unanimous negative reactions advising you to find a new wife. Assuming she actually loves you and wants your marital companionship but wants other men on the side, I’d be intrigued. Presumably you can have other women too if you so wish. It might even spice up sex between the two of you.

My most important question would be if I’m getting what I want from her in terms of time, emotional support, sexual gratification, good mother to kids if any, etc. If so, if she wants to see other men instead of having her private time with her girl friends or whatever, what do you lose? She’d need to be careful about STDs, but those are workable logistical issues.

There probably isn’t a practical way to make it work unless you are each other’s priority, so you come first, not her other lover, e.g., if you get sick, have a deadline and need her to take on more, just need her company etc., but not simply because you are jealous. Ask yourself if you’d feel the same way about her going out with a girl friend, and if the answer is yes, you are probably justified in invoking the priority clause.

Friends of a Friend wrote:

What would you do if your wife came to you and asked to open up your marriage, physically I mean? What would you do if she gave you an ultimatum? What if you loved her, she says she loves you, but she also basically refuses to stop having other men in her life? How does one navigate these situations?

I would immediately counter attack and turn that sh!t on it's head by saying...

"YES! Finally I can be open about these things!"

[insert fist bump here]

Go in for a hug/slap on the a$$,

Follow with an excited whisper in her ear,

"How exciting, I'm going to go make some calls."

Walk away with confidence... stop and turn suddenly...

"Oh, do you need me to grab some extra rubbers while I'm out?"

Grab your phone, get in the car, drive away... go see TWO movies w/phone turned off.

When you get back... you'll have a much better sense of direction and clarity on what the hell she's actually getting at.

pisso wrote:

I’m surprised at the near unanimous negative reactions advising you to find a new wife.

I'm not. I'm glad this website isn't full of cucks. "Open marriages" are detestable and don't work.

Just my 2c.

Friends of a Friend wrote:

What would you do if your wife came to you and asked to open up your marriage, physically I mean? How does one navigate these situations?

Ideally, you and your wife will have already developed a mutual understanding of each other's stances on nonmonogamy before getting married. My wife would never ask this question and neither would I; we both know it'd be a dealbreaker.

uhhh guys? wrote:

Real Obvi wrote:

This ^ is CORRECT!

I don't think I've ever heard of wedding vows explicitly stating, "Do you, Robert, promise to never have sex with anyone other than Susan? . . . And do you, Susan, promise to never have sex with anyone other than Robert?"

You have never heard "to have and to hold, forsaking all others" ???

Really? Never heard this?

Are you really that dense? Here, let me say it again for you. And I'll put it in all bold letters in case your eyes are just weak:

"I don't think I've ever heard of wedding vows explicitly stating, "Do you, Robert, promise to never have sex with anyone other than Susan? . . . And do you, Susan, promise to never have sex with anyone other than Robert?""

Now, the fact that you equate that to "to have and to hold, forsaking all others" really just proves my point - people make all kinds of assumptions about what other people promise, agree to, care about, etc.

To me the words, "to have and to hold, forsaking all others" are far more meaningful than being about sex. They basically say that I would put my partner first in all of life, above all other humans. To you, they apparently mean that you won't fvck anyone else - a trivial and lame sentiment, but obviously in line with your own thought processes.

Peaky Blinders wrote:

brien evans wrote:

Open marriages are one of God's greatest gifts.

You are joking, right? That statement isn't remotely close to being endorsed by the Bible. Maybe the Koran, but not the Bible.

Aren't you sort of assuming that the Bible is God's word (AND God's be-all and end-all on what is good or not)?

Funny, the little assumptions we make.

Clown World Resident wrote:

pisso wrote:

I’m surprised at the near unanimous negative reactions advising you to find a new wife.

I'm not. I'm glad this website isn't full of cucks. "Open marriages" are detestable and don't work.

Just my 2c.

They work for a lot of people.

LR has a lot of guys that really want absolute control over their women. Do you allow them to work outside the home? don't want them to get all high flautin thinkin they got their own money.

I think it's totally rational that two people can love each other, deeply care about each other and enjoy 99 other things together, but if that 1 thing out of 100 that they disagree about is sex, then it's a deal breaker.

I think it's totally rational that two people can love each other, deeply care about each other and enjoy 99 other things together, but if that 1 thing out of 100 that they disagree about is sex, then it's a deal breaker. That just doesn't make sense to me.

You're the one being dense in this scenario.

Funny enough, you're the first one to mention "sex" in this thread. So by your logic, you were wrong to "assume" this was about sex.

Any normal person in a healthy relationship would be absolutely devastated in such a scenario. But, the LR freaks are rationalizing this as an opportunity for them to get a little on the side. LOL. What's the probability of hitting the lottery?